Welcome to 5Q

Fortunately for this blog, my plans of working have been replaced by the desire to spend the summer reading laminated case law from the comfort of a pool float.

In off chance you care or have books you want to sell, this quarter's lineup includes:
Negotiable Instruments, Secured Transactions, ConLaw (w/ Prof. Fed.Courts), Antitrust and the GMAT.

Baker is selling me his book for Secured with the caveat I need to buy my own U.C.C. In his words, "it's just something you're gonna wanna keep."

333 Posts Later and I Still Love You.

To think I almost forgot. Today, FromMalibuToWaco turned 1-year old.

One year ago today, I wrote:

"I have no aspirations of being a journalist, writer, or even the least bit insightful. What I do want is [sic] good grades and a job."

I wrote that . . . really?

"Therefore I don’t plan on bashing any individual that might actually be
offended, or influential in my life."

Wow. Good thing I haven't done any of that . . . or that . . . or that . . . or that.


So yea . . . Happy Birthday.

Three Down, One to Go

Three questions to go, fifteen minutes left on the clock, grade on the line. I'm typing, I'm reading, I'm making shit up with frantic disregard for carpal tunnels then BAM . . . Prof. Tax walks in.

"Couple minutes left" I hear over the thrashing of keys and the pounding of hearts.

She leaves.

Moments later, a computer pop-up tells me I had enough. "You had enough" I inaudibly scream towards the pop-up as Prof. Tax walks back in . . . "you had enough."

I end my exam, I save.

"The handwriters are still panicking in the other room so you guys have 15 more minutes. If you've already closed out your exam, you can open it back up."

I summon computer God, Bill:

Me: "How do I open it back up?"
Bill: "You can't. Just open a new exam and set the time for 15 minutes."

Me: "What do I write in the new exam?"
Bill: "Answers."

"Bill, I don't need new answers" I wanted to yell, "I need to correct the things I just wrote. Don't you see Bill; I just put up the last second shot from half court only to realize there is 6 minutes left in the game. I don't need another half court shot, Bill. I need to take those answers in for a lay up."

Of course, reality being somewhat less poetic then this blog, I actually whispered something to the effect of, "In that case I'm fucked," thanked Bill for his efforts, then left class crying.

Two Down

In celebration of Earth Day, Prof BizOrg administered a 52 page final, once and for all proving it takes 4420 pages of test to show 85 people you care.

That leaves me two options.

1) I use this post to lament a sub-par performance or 2) I point out some facts.

Going with the latter, the average tree produces 80,500 pieces of paper, an adult gorilla's penis is only two inches long and the chimpanzee holds the record for the quickest mammal sexual intercourse session at an average of three seconds.

Wow.

But really, why know BizOrg when you can know that according to the Kinsey Institute, half of the men raised on farms have had a sexual encounter with an animal.

Links omitted to protect your eyes.

His Dancing Was Described as "Rigid"

Prior to the Real Estate Finance final, the professor told a story involving the Church, the Dean and the Village People.

I swear.

Apparently Dean Toben dresses up like the cowboy and dances around a church full of women for money* . . . and if you pictured that for just a second you're probably just now waking up from your sexy-thought induced coma.

Professor Real Estate Finance then mentioned something about himself dressing up as the biker but who knows. By that point I was too busy envisioning lustful 70-year old women to hear anything but the beating of my heart.

*There may have been a fundraiser involved.

P.S.

Did anyone else want to listen to Switchfoot while they were studying in the library? I didn't. Where the fuck was D.P.S. on that one?

What's Black and White and Hilarious All Over?

This sign!!!!

It's just one of the many posted throughout the law school, so I ask you: What exactly are we scared of?

And if you're scared of what I think you're scared of, you'll need penicillin, not DPS . . . penicillin.

Reading Daze

That clever title means I don't feel like writing so I leave you with this:

Dia Del Oso: Great Holiday or the Greatest?

Anytime I wake up to sunbathing females on a Thursday, the holiday gets my vote for the greatest.

Spencer Bleach: Stewart Gilligan Griffin or Dexter?

After literally blowing up his parents' house, Tydwbleach's three-year old son Spencer is said to have told people including a reporter, "My house is broken but Bob the Builder is going to fix it."

4/20: A Holiday or a Reading Day?

Neighbor: You don't have school tomorrow?
Me: No, they gave us off.
Neighbor: That's so tight . . . I can't believe the law school gave you off for 4:20.
Me: I can't believe it either.

More Contests

The finalists for Best Brief in the Moot Court Competition are:

#2 Ryan Searcy/Drew Peters
#5 Justin Manchester/Jeff Fisher
#7 Chris Knapp/Kaye Johnson
#9 Danielle VanDuker/Lindsay Glover
#12 Jessica Hart/Kami Keller
#18 Lindsey Cox/Dylan Springmann
#35 So-Eun Lee/Guoping Da
#37 Jennie Bauman/Abigail Toth
#38 Jonathan Clark/Alicai Flarity
#40 Stephen Bolline/Jonathan Goldberg
#43 Brent Hill/Matt Durfee

The winner will be decided sometime after the rewrites are handed in on May 11th.

In other news, I received an e-mail from Westlaw congratulating one J. Ryan Fowler on winning the "Puzzles for Points" contest. While I don't know much about the contest itself, Fowler winning anything involving puzzles and points sounds about right.

So congratualtions to all. Especially Fowler. I'm proud of you.

Breakfast For Dinner 2

Last night, the faculty again served the students breakfast for dinner and again the event was a great success. I stole the following pictures from the Facebook of the wonderful Ms. Heather Creed and I can't thank her enough for making the evening happen. Anytime you can leave students both satiated and happy just days before finals, you've done something right.

Putting the night's events in chronological order:

8:45 PM - Students, including myself, start lining up.

9:10 PM - Students start getting food

10:00 PM - Profs. and Dean Toben celebrate their success while Profs. CivPro, Property, and Contracts remain at home watching American Idol.

11:00 PM - Prof. Crim Pro continues an impromptu lecture entitled, "Is this a Fruit?"

Ode to Bobbie

Before I knew Bobbie, she was the Houston girl pictured here:


(Picture courtesy of anonymous commentator having read my post about mums and garters.)

Sometime after these pictures were taken, she moved out to Malibu, started at Pepperdine and became my friend.

The first time we ever talked, I prattled on with pretense, she talked about her mission trips; five years later, I'm in Waco and she's still in Malibu . . . gratuitously promoting for the local band Face Humper.

Today, Bobbie and I live vicariously through one another. She likes my stories about Ninfa's, I like her pictures of Disneyland. It works.

And yes, this whole post was for the purpose of putting up that first picture and yes, accoutrements that beautiful deserve their own post.

You're welcome.

Rumor Mill

1) An anonymous 1Q claims that BLS has implemented a new policy that requires first quarter grades to be completed no later than three weeks into the following quarter.

2) The 1Q's somehow collectively blame FromMalibuToWaco for the punishment that is the Intro to Law class.

3) The WJC has started using the student lounge ping pong table as a pedagogical device.


While I find the first two believable, the third is a little much.

First, I see no mention of it on the blog and second, the ping pong table visual takes away from the obvious double entendre that is my pocket and the burden of persuasion.

Take these two hypos:

Hypo 1: (No visual)
Petra approaches me to observe the large bulge in my trousers. She asks if I'm hiding a small child, to which I respond, "oh no, that's just my burden of persuasion." Obviously this cues the music and love making ensues.

Hypo 2: (Visual)
WJC approaches to observe the small bulge in my pocket. He asks if I'm hiding a ping pong ball, to which I respond, "Yes, would you like to play with me?" He raises his finger, encouraging me to make love to myself, and leaves.

In summary, Hypo 1 facilitates happy memories of summary judgment; Hypo 2 makes me curse ping pong and anything it stands for.


Having siad that, anyone more or less informed than myself should feel free to chime in on the aforementioned rumors. We'd love to hear from you.

New SBA Officers

There is absolutely nothing funny or interesting about people getting elected but that's exactly what happened.

Here are the results:

Executive Officers:
President - Jolie McCuistion
Vice President - Rory Brewton
Secretary - Kate Moynahan
Treasurer - Jessica Rosenbaum
Parliamentarian - Alex Bell

Third Year Officers:
President - Dan Stokes
Vice President - Laura Morgan
Secretary - Kristy Tyler

Second Year Officers:
President - Jessica Hart
Vice President - Kami Keller
Treasurer - Dylan Springmann

First Year Officers:
President - Justin Schneider
Vice President - Pete Kerr
Secretary - John Burkhead

TX Bar Association Rep - Jennie Bauman
ABA Rep - Kaye Johnson

Moot Court Team Selections

Congratulations to:

Joel Bailey
Jennie Bauman
Alex Bell
Lindsay Cox
Lindsay Glover
Rebecca Hild
Devin Huggins
Tom Jacob
Stephen Kelly
Kate Moynahan
Amber Steiss
Brad Thomas
Jim Tyminski
Crystal Y'Barbo

Together, they comprise our moot court teams that will be competing around the country this coming summer and fall.* Broken down by team:

Texas Young Lawyer Competition

Rory Brewton
Kate Moynahan
Jeff Watters (Brief Writer)

National Moot Court Competition

Tom Jacob**
Kate Moynahan

First Amendment Moot Court Competition

Jennie Bauman
Lindsay Cox
Stephen Kelly
Amber Steiss
Jim Tyminski
Crystal Y'Barbo

National Criminal Procedure Moot Court Competition

Rory Brewton
Rebecca Hild
Kimberly Schroder
Brad Thomas

Texas Administrative Law Moot Court Competition
Joel Bailey
Alex Bell
Rob George
Lindsay Glover
Devin Huggins
Layne Haygood

* Each should thank me for not trying out.
**Someone agreed with me when I picked TJ as a personal favorite.

Haiku Friday

I've strayed from Osler's haiku Friday in the recent months but for better or worse, the suggested topic, "Karaoke with Mom" has coaxed me out of hiding:

Mom never taught me,
Nor did the etiquette coach;
But looks about right.

May it please the court;
I make only one motion
And it looks like this:
Make that two motions
This one involves more pelvis.
And naiveté.

But really, don't worry about it. That's totally not me and a Federal Court Judge singing karaoke at Scruff's back in the days of 1Q. It's not. I know this because the guy in green is classy. Most people need a tuxedo and top hat or a pinky finger hanging playfully off a champagne flute to look this classy.

Right now, that guy is probably on a flight to England for the sole purpose of calling the Queen a classless whore; I'm here in Waco . . . studying.

Phi Alpha Delta Karaoke Contest

BC and A. Web doing Eminem's "Lose Yourself." I put this picture up to give you a taste of what you'll be seeing in 30 years when I sell the video for millions . . . possibly billions. And yes, I do have the video and yes, it is worth every penny.

I've been told to never sing Journey on anything less than a full stomach of liquor and once singing, it's totally appropriate to indiscriminately point. Check and check.

Not top ten speaker but number two singer?

Either speaking and singing are two totally different things (which they're obviously not) or I should have done moot court with a flask instead of notes.

Imagine you're this guy, standing on stage singing "Sweet, Sweet Fantasy" by Mariah Carey. I know it's tough but bear with me. So you finish singing the worst song ever and as you get off stage, one of the two girls below says, "He is soooo hot."

What do you do?

Well if you're me, you take her home and wear her as a hat; if you're Thomas you say, "Of course I am, I'm Brad Thomas" and walk away, never to talk to her again.


This picture just shows how awkward BC can be when he's had too much to drink.

To really appreciate this picture you kind of had to be there, and you kind of have to see the picture when it's really large . . . then you could see Haley's face in all its glory.

Basically:
Alex: Haley, you want to dance?
Haley: (Spitting drink on his face followed by uncontrolled laughing)
Alex: Fine, I'll proceed to dance by myself.

And since I don't have a picture of Alex dancing, I give you the next best thing. Here's a classmate artistically mixing the Heimlich Maneuver and falling into what some call crunk dancing.

_

So yea, that was that.

_

And not to be in the least bit cliché, Brandon Lewis won the event with Bon Jovi. So way to go Brandon. Way to grab the bull by the horns and take the road less traveled. Bon Jovi winning a karaoke contest . . . crazy.

Quick Notes

- Remember the t-shirt design contest? A winner has been chosen, and that winner is Haley. (Pain and Suffering). While those won't be ready till next quarter, you can stock up on BLS shwag tomorrow.

- Remember that softball season that didn't go so well for Team Malpractice? Well for the second season in a row, the 28 Strutters (Spring Starters '06) came away champions . . . thanks in large part to having a team uniform.

Awesome. Having taken care of business I can focus the remainder of my energy putting up pictures from last night.

SBA Elections

SBA elections are tomorrow and Friday from 10 AM to 2 PM, therefore it's time you meet the candidates I'm voting for:

Exec Pres: Jolie McCuistion

She campaigned with cookies, stickers and flyers. She has the champion status from the Bridgette Fusilier Invitational and a Pepperdine MBA. In other words, she'll make it rain.

Exec VP:

1) Rory Brewton

2) Neel Gonuguntla

I'm torn so I'm not voting . . . unless one of them pays me.

Exec Secretary - Kate Moynahan (Uncontested)

Exec Treasurer: Jessica Rosenbaum
All you need to know is her campaign slogan: "If Stephen Baker can do it, so can I."

Exec Parliamentarian: Alex Bell

Beating Bell is as likely as going to Atlantis and simultaneously capturing three unicorns being ridden by loquacious Leprechauns. You can't fight it.

3L Pres - Dan Stokes (Uncontested)

3L VP - Laura Morgan (Uncontested)

3L Secretary - Kristy Tyler (Uncontested)

2L Pres: Jessica Hart
2L VP: Kami Keller
2L Secretary: Dylan Springmann

The reigning threesome has done an awesome job and I don't want to see them go . . . and neither do you. Dylan is kind of known for being temperamental and I wouldn't be surprised if he hurts you. That's all I'm saying. That and he kind of looks like Mr. Bean.

1L Pres: Angela Hackett
She had me join her Facebook group so I kind of have to.

1L VP: Zach Gordon

Not only did this guy teach me to shoot a shotgun but we share things . . . things like blonde spots in our hair and a fetish for wrestling dangerous animals.

1L Secretary: John Burkhead
I'll vote for Burkhead because sometimes . . . the size of your gun matters.

TX Bar Association Rep - Jennie Bauman (Uncontested)

ABA Rep - Kaye Johnson (Uncontested)

Pre-Finals Festivities

Tonight there are two events; neither is mutually exclusive of the other.

First event: Facebook tells me this:

Event Info
Name: Waco Not Ghetto Enough For Ann Weber
Tagline: She may be leaving, but she will still choke a bitch...
Host: Haley
Type: Party - Goodbye Party

Time and Place
Date: Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Time: 7:00pm - 10:00pm
Location: Ninfa's Mexican Restaurant
Street: You should already know this.
City/Town: Waco, TX

Description
I know I know, finals are fast approaching...but one of our favorite classmates and friends is moving back to what us Texans consider yankee country, and we must give her and her roommate Josh a suitable farewell. Come. Say goodbye to our beloved Ann...if you don't really like her, at least come for the food.

Or come to celebrate the fact that team Living in Sin won't dominate you in beer pong anymore.

DETAILS: The backroom at Ninfa's is all ours. $15 for the "fajita fiesta" (their words not mine). Cash bar.
YOU MUST RSVP BY MONDAY AFTERNOON - why? Because I said so.

Second event: From there we will be heading to Scruff's and to sweeten the deal Phi Alpha Delta will be sponsoring a karaoke contest.

Being that it's a contest involving law students and money the odds of Bell winning are high. Douche bag. Anyway, be at both places, enjoy yourself and let the studying begin sometime after that.

In the End I Always Win

To celebrate Alex Bell's victory, I've decided to do some math:

1st Place Team: $ 1200 per person
Best First Year Team:$ 500 per person
Best Oral Advocate: $ 750

________

In other words Alex Bell = $2450

Remember kids, math can be fun . . . especially when it means you're not the one buying drinks.

On a related note, the Beer Pong Invitationals have proven tremendous predictors of future academic performance.

The Winner of the Bridgette Fuselier takes Moot Court, while the Winner of the Larry Bates makes Law Review and transfers into Georgetown.

If the administration is not already rethinking that SBA Leadership award, it probably should be. It's obvious I encourage great things.

And the Winner Is. . .

Call it what you want, but I'm calling it an epic battle of Moot Court proportions. The team of Rachel Appelman and Alex Bell (aka Team Appelbell) faced off against Julie and Richard Howell in the Moot Court finals and the winner is . . .

AppelBell

While they were a combined 6'4" shorter than their opponents they had heart, grit, and the entirety of LARC III supporting their every word.

Congratulations.

And the Top 10 Speakers:

10) Boline
10) Goines

10) Hild
9) Schram
7) Masten
7) Ybarro
5) Scott
5) Cox
3) Howell
3) Debye
2) Keesee
1) Bell

The Bachelor Report #3

She escaped. Our beloved Alexis has freed herself from the manacle of oppression that is "The Bachelor" and it's for the below reasons I celebrate:

Reason #1: Andy is fiscally irresponsible.

On a military salary, Andy drives a $600,000 car and floats around on a multi-million dollar yacht. And in case you're wondering, the yacht is obviously his. I know this because he said things like, "Welcome to my yacht," "This is where I eat breakfasts," "It's nice having a hot tub on my yacht."

He'll likely wear an iced out grill to the third rose ceremony and reveal he wipes his ass with gold plated toilet paper; a statement to which their will be much applause.

Reason #2: Just after this picture was taken, Richard Simmons stormed into Saddle Ranch and told Andy this drink made him look gay.

Reason #3: The Other Girls are Retarded

Reason #4: Andy Lacks Basic Common Sense

I mean, sometimes I look at a picture and think, "I don't want to see her anymore" but that's not what I think when I see this picture. In fact, I don't have thoughts on this picture because, what's that phrase, "I only have so much blood in my body"?

And with that I conclude my coverage of The Bachelor. It's been fun.

Top 10 Speakers Leaked

An anonymous tipster has informed me that the top ten speakers have been potentially leaked. In no particular order, these people were sent an e-mail saying that the 10 of them should show up for tomorrow's final round. Not to be a spoiler for those that don't want to know, I put the names in white font. Highlight the area below and names will magically appear.

Alex Bell
Stephen Bolline
Lindsey Cox
Stephen Debye
Tim Goines
Rebecca Hild
Richard Howell
Daniel Keesee
Jeremy Masten
Clayton Schramm
Justin Scott
Crystal Ybaro

Now, I see two glaring problems with my theory. One, there are twelve names on this list, two, TJ (name in white font) my personal favorite, isn't on here.

Thomas is Back

With a dramatic post entitled "Breaking the silence," Thomas attempts to revive The Bravest Bear by blogging about not blogging. He then goes on to shock readers by talking about the single life.

So welcome back Thomas, but really, when I blog about not blogging I can't keep the ladies off me. Then again, I only blog about not blogging while drenched in Old Spice, wearing nothing but a neon yellow, banana hammock . . . so yea.

But in case you couldn't already tell, this post was written entirely for the purpose of putting up this picture.

The Opposite of Winning

Tonight from 4 - 6PM was the Spring Convocation and Reception on the 5th Floor of the Hankamer School of Business. This event replaced Law Day, and I didn't go; I didn't go because I'm a sore loser.

Below is an award application I submitted to the proper authorities in a timely manner:

Name of award for which you are applying: The Student Bar
Association Leadership Award

Reason(s) you feel qualified to receive the above award:

The award description states the recipient should be "a student who significantly contributes to the quality of student life and who exemplifies the Student Bar Association’s commitment to leadership and community involvement."

As the author of the blog FromMalibuToWaco, my continued efforts to improve the quality of student life at Baylor Law are well documented. By encouraging others to take part in S.B.A. sanctioned events: from Law Buddy and Immunity Day to T-shirt Design contests and intramurals, I've done everything possible to promote a stronger sense of community within the school.

Through my position as Social Chair of Phi Alpha Delta, and the creation of my own set of weekly "Bar Reviews," I've gone to great lengths to relieve our communities' inherent stress, if only for a few hours a week.

It's for these reasons I feel most qualified to receive The Student Bar Association Leadership Award.

Respectfully Yours,


Jonathan Swanburg

Wow . . . all I can say is wow. It's like the time my mother had a contest for Best Son and I lost. As an only child, it's one of those things I'll never really understand.

Update:

Baker has coverage of the event and by coverage I mean a description of the free food.

Weekend Recap

I spent the Easter weekend with +1 and her family. Here are some highlights:

Thursday Night:

Over dinner at Perry's:

+1's Dad: "You know when you Google your name as Jon Swanburg it comes up with an Ultimate Fighter?"
Me: "Yes, I hear I'm a very skilled pugilist."
+1's Mom: "You do that?"
Me: "The internet doesn't lie."

(To return the stalking in-kind, Google via Wikapedia tells me "Bill Payne" is a Waco born founding member of the band Little Feat. I win.)

Friday:

In the morning, +1 and I played tennis against her parents. They won.

That evening, +1's Dad gave us the option to hang out in a box at the Rockets game or use his season tickets for the Astros game. We picked the Astros game. The Cardinals won but our seats were pretty incredible. (see photo to the left)

Saturday:

After a drive to Austin, two White Russians, three Margaritas, and a family screening of Borat, I determine a fourth Margarita to be necessary.

Sunday:

Easter lunch and a drive back to Waco.

Fill in the gaps with Guitar Hero II and the occasional game of Catch Phrase and that was my weekend.

**In all sincerity though, I must give a huge thanks to the entire +1 family for treating me so incredibly well. You have an amazing family and I really did have a lot of fun. So once again, thank you.**

Good for Some Bad for Others

Some know her as A. Webb; others just know her as the blonde girl smoking outside the student lounge; I'm lucky enough know her as a friend and will be missing her a great deal more than I can express.

Sometime next week, Ann and the other half of Team Living in Sin will be moving back to D.C. where she'll be attending Georgetown Universtiy Law Center and taking over the world.

Since I can't convince her to stay, I can only offer my most sincere congratulations and ask she never forget her year in Waco.

The summer starter family won't be the same without her.

Moot Court 3rd Round Results

(Click To Enlarge)

Summer Starter v. Non-Larc

Moot Court 2nd Round Results

(Click to Enlarge)

Two matches left, both Summer Starter v. Non-Larc.

The Bachleor Report #2

I've never before watched "The Bachelor" but within the first few seconds, the reality of the show hits me as I see Mr. Andy, the Naval Officer pulling up in a $600,000 Saleen S7.

Needless to say, I put the show on pause to quickly fill out a JAG application.

Alexis was the first girl out of the car, and it went something like this:

Andy: "Where you from?"
Alexis: "Dallas. Have you ever been to Dallas?"
Andy: "Yea"
Alexis: "Great . . . maybe you can visit again."

So smoothe . . . moving on.

While other girls are building tequila cakes, falling over, singing the national anthem, telling muffin jokes, or looking like hobbits (see below), Alexis was keeping it classy and eventually got a rose.

Just to recap: you can be like Alexis and avoid acting stupid or do what I'd do and look for the first girls willing to do shots of Jaeger and offer up an orgy.

Either way, you'll come across classy.

_

And for readers into this sort of thing, here is Alexis' official message board and two pictures of her being smart and funny:

Moot Court 1st Round Results

(Click To Enlarge)

Teams remaining: 1 Fall Starter; 3 Summer Starters; 4 Non-Larc.

The Bachelor Report #1

FromMalibuToWaco's coverage of "The Bachelor" and Ms. Alexis Young are slated to begin sometime this evening and the intended focus is titled:

"Alexis Young: A Baylor Lawyer Does Reality."

Yea . . . it needs work but for the time being, allow me to point out the fact she has a job:

Ms. Young is an associate at Carrington Coleman in business litigation. Her practice focuses primarily on complex litigation which is concentrated in intellectual property, patent, trademark, copyright, trade secret, false advertising, unfair competition and professional liability matters.

Ms. Young is active in the International Trademark Association, a not-for-profit membership association dedicated to the support and advancement of trademarks and related intellectual property as elements of fair and effective national and international commerce.

Alexis was admitted to practice in Texas in 2006.

Knowing you wouldn't be impressed by that alone, they included a smoking hot picture and her educational info in the bottom right.

Baylor Law School J.D., cum laude, 2006
Order of the Barristers
Baylor Law Review, 2005-06;
Law Review Articles Editor, 2005-06;
Texas Practice Editor, 2006;
Executive Editor, 2006;

Baylor University
B.A., cum laude, 2003

In other words she is perfect. It's the kind of résumé that could say, "Future curer of Cancer" and employers would be like, "What, only Cancer?"