Monday, July 06, 2009

2.67 Median Was So Three Years Ago

Had I been one to care about things like class rank, I’d probably get upset graduating with people that never experienced the old grading system. Below is the current distribution for 3L's:

Top 10% 3.49 & above
15% 3.44
20% 3.40
25% 3.37
30% 3.33
33% 3.32
35% 3.31
40% 3.28
45% 3.24
50% 3.17
55% 3.14
60% 3.10
65% 3.04
70% 3.00
75% 2.93
80% 2.88
85% 2.75
90% 2.66

Totally unrelated, it’s been 14 days since The Vested One last taught class and Jim Wren seems to be fine with that.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

The Law School Celebrates This Guy

Tomorrow night is the Immunity Party and EP's 24th. If your a PC student with $35 to spare and an attitude that wreaks of "Fuck It," go to Austin's and watch EP perform the magic trick of turning advocacy scholarships into Jagerbombs.

He's like an Italian, ambulance-chasing, David Blaine

Friday, June 26, 2009

Poor Use of Authority

Reputable sources indicate that SBA will be prohibited from allowing a cash bar at future law proms. This should be immediately added to the Wikipedia page in a special section called, “If you’re still thinking about coming here.”

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

This Guy Must Interview Well

Once upon a time, Baylor needed someone to teach Renaissance literature to hundreds if not thousands of blossoming, young students. After what I presume was an extensive search, someone decided on hiring the man seen here.

According the WacoTrib, that was probably a poor idea.

Some Lawyers Are So Hot Right Now

Today’s career adviser informed us that we should be using Twitter to expand our network of friends and collogues. Unfortunately, judging from my browsing, lawyers on Twitter are just as shitty as 12-year olds on twitter.

For those of you who can’t read the screenshot from LexTweet, LegalAdmin writes: “I think my bus driver has o pee! He's driving REALLY fast!!! LOL.” This is immediately followed by Lawgurl announcing that she has “Achieved level 21 #140mafia” and “Just completed a Hired Assassination job #140mafia.”

For some reason I don’t think Prof. Powell would be impressed.

Monday, June 22, 2009

A Poor Use of Alone Time

This post is totally irrelevant but so is my life considering I’m blogging at 11:30 on my birthday.

Anyway, last night I had a dream I was re-judging the voir dire and it basically consisted of me overruling Geraldo based on two hours of Strike for Cause lecture and a distinct feeling I was going to fail.

GRP: Objection. That’s clearly a commitment question, your Honor.
Me: Overruled based on the teachings of Robert Swafford.
GRP: Judge Schwannburg. I want you to take judicial notice that Robert Swafford will applaud when you finish speaking while I on the other hand will fail you.
Me: It’s my understanding that you aren’t even a lawyer in this case. Please continue Mr. Hatchet.
Hatchet: So would you have a hard time awarding damages for injuries that don’t have receipts?
GRP: Commitment question your honor!!
Me: If Robert Swafford was here right now he’d think you were an idiot.
GRP: If Robert Swafford were here right now we’d be talking about opera and ass hats.

Then the GRP allowed me to wake up before finding out what happened and I remember feeling like that was really nice of him. So thank you to him and everyone else who wished me a happy birthday.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Next Week’s PC Schedule, Awesome

Monday - 6/22: PC III Lecture - Professor Powell
Tuesday - 6/23: Guest Speaker - Amanda Ellis: "Prevailing Over the Recession: Job Search Strategies in a Tough Economy"
Wednesday - 6/24: Confrontation Clause Lecture - Professor Counseller
Thursday - 6/25: No Class
Friday - 6/26: Guest Speaker - Mike Berry: "Settlement Value of Cases: How to Assess it"

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

How Do I Know I’m a D-Bag?

Today as judge I granted a strike for cause that inadvertently burned the jury, failed to invoke rule 235 when given the chance, and helplessly confused the lawyers. This led to Hatchet losing 5 points off his PC grade and the GRP requesting a redo on the entire exercise.

I’ve never felt worse about myself as a person or a law student.


The GRP decided he didn’t want to hear another Voir Dire.

Instead the lawyers were assigned opposing sides of a divorce case and instructed to research a specific issue related to the rendition of judgment. I’m supposed to take the letter briefs, make a decision as a matter of law, and tell the class on Friday why I decided the case the way I did. FML.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Sexy Back on Aisle 4

After going through Schaper’s wedding pictures, it appears I dance with a certain intensity that screams out, “I am a blogger and this is my shopping cart!”

For those of you upset by the lack of posting over the last week, I apologize. You care more about this site than I do.

Monday, June 08, 2009

PC II Grades

A 3
A- 3
B+ 4
B 6
B- 20
C+ 8
C 7
D 1
F 1

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

How Do I Know Jim Wren is Teaching Class Tomorrow?

It’s 11:30 and I have about 200 pages left to read. He’s like the Santa Clause that wears pinstriped double breasted suits and puts memos in your stocking.

Monday, June 01, 2009

Some Top Guns Ride Slow

Cloutman and Hatchet were both better than I’ll ever dream of being but in the end, without much pomp or circumstance, Powell told Hatchett he was the loser and handed Street Justice a trophy worth $3000 and a check worth about the same.

As the defendant in the case listening to my attorney’s epic closing, I understood why people that do bad things pay exorbitant fees for great lawyers. As a person that has trouble remembering his own name, I'll never understand how this blog post is twice the length of Cloutman's trial notes.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

PC Equivalent of Blood Sport

Since I’m not sure what the previous post had to do with PC, the Bar, or anything else related to this blog or the Baylor sense of decency, I will remove it from the top of my posts by pointing out that the Top Gun final will be held this Monday and Ed “Street Justice” Cloutman will be facing off against James “The Trial Weapon” Hatchet.

If Street Justice wins he’ll be the first Top Gun champion since 1976 to invest his winnings in a money-green Cadillac El Dorado.

Coitus Interruptus!!!

According to Latham’s link to this article about this study, condoms are for cowards:

In a perfect world, “If the male partner withdraws before ejaculation every time a couple has vaginal intercourse, about 4% of couples will become pregnant over the course of a year . . . only slightly less effective than male condoms, which have perfect-use failure rates of 2%.”

In the real world, “Couples that attempt to use both methods consistently over the course of the year can expect typical failure rates for coitus interruptus and male condoms to be around 18% and 17% respectively.”

Analyzing the data using my B.A. in Economics, if a couple has sex 100 times, the guy is going to “forget” to put on a condom 15 times and be “apologetically surprised” fourteen. And I don’t have the stats on people that forget condoms then "interruptus the coitus" but I’m guessing the multicollinearity is low. Scientifically speaking, it’s kind of hard to say you forgot when you ejaculate on another person’s stomach.

Friday, May 29, 2009

Happy Law Buddy

When I went to Law Buddy Social as a 1Q my goals were to 1) get a law buddy; 2) high five as many people as possible; and 3) sleep with everyone in sight.

As a 9Q I went to recruit witnesses for Big Trial and ended up spending the night correcting people that thought I was new and coyly shooting down the one girl that asked to see my penis.


Despite the above, I managed to collect the verbal commitments of sixteen witnesses. I now realize I only needed three. If you would like to borrow one, let me know and I'll see what I can do.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Good Evening

If last night is any indication of what the future holds, the best part about passing PC I is the removal of Jim Wren from my nightmares. For approximately the past 14 weeks I’ve grown accustomed to the fear that he performs his nightly beard maintenance while watching me sleep.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

PC I Grades

A 5
A- 5
B+ 10
B 10
B- 6
C+ 6
C 9
D 2
F 1

Thursday, May 21, 2009

This Blog = Only Time I'll Ever Use PC Knowledge Outside of Class

We’re currently on the topic of jury charges and I honestly can’t think of anything less exciting or useless. Today’s class went something like this:

Prof: Describe a situation in which you can granulate the elements?
Mr. Simpson: I don’t know. I can’t think of any.
Prof: (silence) Ms. Nettles?
Ms. Nettles: Well maybe if there is some sort of predicate . . .
Prof: That’s stupid. Ms. Hernandez?
Ms. Hernandez: Maybe if they’re disjunctive.
Prof: Mr. Simpson?
That goes on for about 15 minutes, the professor then tells us there is no situation when it’s proper to granulate the elements, everyone feels retarded, and it starts again. Since Mr. King’s wife gave birth to a child last night, I assume tomorrow will go something like this:

Prof: Mr. King, you read a case that used the longest word in the English language without a vowel, didn’t you?

(20 minutes later)

Prof: That word was rhythm, Mr. King. I’m not going to kick you out because you’d just leave and spend time with your wife and child but I want you to know that Ms. Fitzwilliams expects you to read the cases and know what’s in them. Thank you.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Baylor Law Eventually Hates Everyone

Clicked on the updated Summary Judgment schedule and saw my hearing was moved from Waco to Tyler. FML.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

PC Continues to Make Me Feel Like a D-Bag

Last Friday I skipped the business school hooding ceremony because 1) it conflicted with PC; and 2) I wasn’t actually allowed to graduate until the summer.

End result: They tried surprising me with the award of outstanding MBA graduate for spring 2009 and, uh, I was not there to accept it. Thankfully the commemorative desk clock had my name engraved so they couldn’t give it to anyone else.

Friday, May 15, 2009

He's So Crispy

When the professor wears his three-piece with a pocket watch, I find it endearing. When he wears it with custom slacks, I’m inspired by his ingenuity. When he wears it with casual khakis custom tailored to fit a pocket watch like he did today, I marvel at his commitment to the culture.

When asked how he felt about this guy, the Prof. is quoted as saying “a pocket watch without a pocket does not a man make.” Then he assigned Fletcher the task of briefing every case related to the no-evidence rule and smiled.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

One Last Thing

Despite the previous two posts, PC is still the place of nightmares. After the second person was removed from today's class, GRP asked a student’s mother -who was sitting in the back – if she knew what was going on and then politely let the silence grow deafening.

PC Road Show

Yesterday I mentioned that real judges were going to be hearing the motions for summary judgment. Today we found out where they’d be. Stowers will be heard in Dallas, McKinnerney in Lufkin, and 54 Broadcasting in Waco. E-Z Pawn and Lighthouse will be conveniently located about three hours away in Henderson and Tyler, respectively.

PC Earns a Cool Point

The cases were assigned Fellows today, and the Fellow for 54 Broadcasting is Mr. Steve McConnico of the Scott, Douglas and McConnico. [After writing that previous sentence I pulled up the link to Scott, Douglas and McConnico and got totally sidetracked by the news article in the firm’s overview]:

Scott, Douglass & McConnico wins unanimous jury verdict.

Austin, Texas. March 2, 2009. An Austin jury returned a unanimous verdict in favor of Scott, Douglass & McConnico’s defendant client. The company that owns the FCC broadcast license for Austin TV station KNVA and several of its shareholders claimed that Scott, Douglass & McConnico’s client did not properly exercise an option to purchase the company’s stock. The jury rejected the plaintiffs’ position and unanimously decided that Scott, Douglass & McConnico’s client properly exercised the stock option.

Steve McConnico led a Scott, Douglass & McConnico trial team that included partner Chris Sileo and associate Diana Reinhart. Scott, Douglass & McConnico worked with Charles P. “Chip” Babcock and Nancy Hamilton from Jackson Walker, LLP, which represented a co-defendant in the case.

The plaintiffs were represented at trial by Steve Susman and Harry Susman of Susman Godfrey, LLP. The case is 54 Broadcasting, Inc., et al. v. LIN Television of Texas, L.P. and Vaughan Media, LLC, in the United States District Court for the Western District of Texas – Austin Division, the Honorable Sam Sparks presiding.

So yea . . . Mr. McConnico is going to be grading our performance and, if nothing else, that's a better incentive for working hard than simply trying to avoid a memo.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Copping My Wares

Today the GRP took my watch off the desk, fumbled with it, placed it on his wrist, looked at it, compared it to the clock on the wall and stood there in silence. As I watched the metallic band slowly disappear beneath the cuff of his shirt, I simultaneously feared I was about to get robbed and that my watch wouldn’t be good enough.

The latter proved to be true and my confidence cried as he gave it back.

Later in the day, my confidence was still noticeably absent when I inadvertently shit my under-jorts upon learning our summary judgment hearings would be placed on real dockets, of real judges, and argued in real court houses.

Monday, May 11, 2009

The Start of 9Q

Today’s PC III was a wonderful experience highlighted by the phrase, “How ‘bout you, Big Boy?” [This was immediately followed in my head with “we’ll see bout it.”]

In other news:

  • Big Trials were handed out and I didn’t get Titanic. My partner tells me we were assigned 54 Broadcasting and a Fellow.
  • Apparently the non-academics hate Baylor a little more than US News but there is no way those rankings are realistic. Every Baylor guy that has been single or pretended to be single has gone home with something well out of his league using tricks that would never work outside of Waco.

Friday, May 08, 2009

Welcome Back

The PC I exam was surprisingly fair, the PR grades are back, and Prof. Powell sent an email that started, “PC III will meet twice a day, at 10:30 a.m. and 2:15 p.m., until further notice.” This countdown reaching zero is the only thing I have to look forward to.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Feb. 2009 Bar Results

For the individual list click here

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Multiple Choices A – M Were Surprisingly Unhelpful

At 60 legal-sized pages long, the PC II exam was overwhelming*. Comparing it to other law school exams is like comparing apples to midget porn. The questions were long, the choices were convoluted, and when I looked at Ms. Abdouche about half way through, I thought she was going to cry.

Onto PC I.

*While most people struggled to finish, Mr. Cunningham left with a little over an hour to go. He’s either Jesus or a mere mortal that rolled the dice on answer choice G.

Friday, April 24, 2009

And All I Got Was a Bad Grade

According to the blog of a 1Q [oh to be young again] Prof. Beal gave his CivPro class a bunch of shirts. You can click here and find out more background or you can just assume he added Santa Clause to his list of teaching personas. I’m not a scientist but I’m going to say Santa is presumptively more effective than Schizophrenic Pirate - Leprechaun.

More Quiz Grades

Since Pattillo seemed amazed by my ability to turn multiple spreadsheets into one, below are the PC II quizzes. These number are the epitome of arbitrary but have fun looking at them nonetheless.

Quiz Grades

Below are the PC I quiz grades listed from highest to lowest. The median is marked in yellow. If it's too small to read, click the "toggle full screen" button in the upper right. Enjoy.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

The Last Good Morning

Yesterday was a triple session of PC II that covered approximately 600 pages of material. Today was a triple session of PC I that covered about the same. Add those up and over the course of two days we touched on about 1200 pages of knowledge and the only thing I remember is Prof. Wren socratically C-Walking on Mr. Ivy’s face.

(Before Class)

Me: You should definitely go to class
Ivy: But he covered everything that was assigned and I haven’t read the other stuff.
Me: Nobody has. He didn’t call on anyone in the second session so he won’t call on people in the third.
Ivy: Alright. I'll go.
(About 15 minutes later)
Prof. Wren: “Have a seat, Mr. Ivy. You managed to get a memo in the last session, of the last day, of PC I. Congratulations.”
I'm not sad to be done.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Charging Towards the Finish Line

It’s hard to complain about sitting through four hours of character evidence when Mr. Cloutman had to stand. And not just stand . . . but answer. And not just normal questions but convoluted hypotheticals that made 404(a) seem more like a game of Memory than a rule of law.

But Cloutman did great and tomorrow we have a triple session. It’s like the fairytale ending students at a top 50 school could never imagine.

Ms. Fitzwilliam Would Prefer You’d Gone to University of Houston

According to the new law school rankings, Baylor has gone tobogganing down the charts to the 65th potion.

And on that note I must return to class for this afternoon’s session of PC II. I’m sure the professor’s whimsy will remind me why I chose Baylor.


Here is a reliable source that details the changes.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

There is Good Money in Civility

Yesterday after PR, some good folks from ABOTA came to talk to us about civility . . . which happens to be nothing more than game theory. To sum up the presentation and video:

  • If both sides are civil, both sides are better off;
  • To avoid incivility, signal your intent to abide by the rules of ABOTA from the outset;
  • If the opponent still attempts to use incivility to gain an advantage, you fuck them over when you get the chance.
It was the first time I've heard an economics lesson on prisoner’s dilemma and tit-for-tat strategy use anything like the phrase, "treat others, like Prof. Powell treats you."

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Two Questions for Post-PCers:

  1. How do you recommend we study for finals?
  2. If a student has absences to burn, is it appropriate to use them during one or more of the last three double sessions?
Any and all pieces of insight will be thoroughly appreciated and treated as gospel.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Two Things in TX: Steers and Champions

Perusing Facebook instead of working on tomorrow’s minitrial, I came across the most ridiculous pictures, I’ve ever seen, anywhere, of anything. [which makes them okay to steal]

"Since you boys are the champions you should probably mount the steer, and since I've got the hat, I should probably pet its head"

"If you would stop playing with your shark, and start paying attention, you'd learn how to properly pose against a horse."

Feel free to add your own caption. Or read for back to back double sessions of PC I.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Happy Easter

When I was sitting as a juror last Thursday, I found it interesting that Brent Ivy wore the exact same thing as Prof. Powell -black suit, white shirt, yellow tie, black trial boots, and class ring – which led to the statement, “Mr. Ivy, you look like you have more flare than the rest of these people.”

Not knowing what that meant, Mr. Ivy proceeded to advocate, move around, and enter a Spiderman pose while reaching from the ELMO to counsel’s table. Prof. Powell later declared that wasn’t what he was looking for.

In other news, I used my time away from blogging to do some reading and I came across the word, "Pogonophobia." The fear of beards.

Sunday, April 05, 2009

Because This Might Be Tested

A tragic love story from tonight’s PC II*:

Prior to their marriage, Mr. Sheley had held a gun to Mrs. Sheley's head, while she, then his landlady, was trying to collect rent. During the marriage, Mrs. Sheley was the victim of a number of beatings at the hands of Mr. Sheley, and, on various occasions, he threatened and attempted to shoot her and to run over her with a car. The Sheley's decided their differences could not be resolved and sought a divorce. Mr. Sheley demanded that Mrs. Sheley return his rings and, when she refused, he threatened to cut off her finger with his Boy Scout knife. Their divorce became final on January 7, 1975.

Subsequently . . . the Sheley's were remarried on March 3, 1975.

Just twelve days after the second marriage . . . the Sheleys left their home in Claxton, Georgia, to attend a motion picture theater. Mr. Sheley had been drinking heavily that afternoon and continued to drink during the movie. On the return trip, Mr. Sheley stopped and bought some french fried potatoes for Mrs. Sheley. He became angry when Mrs. Sheley refused to eat them. . . . [His final words] I didn’t think she’d shoot me.
*cites are for losers

Britt “the-Ethics-Man” Clark

When the MPRE asked what he’d do if a client offered him sex, the aspiring astronaut, turned violist, turned debater, turned law student repeatedly answered with an emphatic “Give high-fives to all 10 of my invisible friends.”

Which is why it’s with great surprise I announce he finally passed. Congrats, BC. You’re an attorney.

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

A Whole Lot of Hearsay

Tomorrow and Friday we have double sessions of PC II and a quick look at this warm, welcoming, wonderfully whiskered face reminds me why I’ll spend the entire time looking down pretending I’m invisible.

It’s like he sees the graduation speaker but would rather she commit Seppuku than continue speaking.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Sounds about Right

This weekend the Baylor Mock Trial team, consisting of E.P. and others in his glorious vicinity, received a text message from Prof. Powell that read, “. . . –“. Confused, they thought about it, debated, researched, and discovered it was Morse code for the letter ‘V.’ The universal symbol for victory. A celebration of their success.

Today that joy that carried into class as the professor smiled while allotting twenty-five seconds for his two question quiz and six hours for his afternoon mini-trial.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Could Be Worse

Someone at Pepperdine Law asked me how many hours I was taking this quarter. I said 12; they said that’s not so bad. So I added it up and it turns out the correct response would have been 26.75.

PC II: 10 hours
PC I: 8.75 hours
Double sessions: 2 hours
Exercises: 4 hours
PR: 2 hours

Total: 26.75 hours

On the Brightside, when it comes to paying for a class in which you hope to get a D, 12 hours is way better than 26.75.

Friday, March 27, 2009

I Said Choke Yourself

In celebration of another completed week, I offer a PC-like video recommended by Mr. Rett –Gomer Pyle- Gray.

NSFW. Unless you hate your job or your coworkers appreciate phrases like, “You had best unf**k yourself or I will unscrew your head and shit down your neck.”

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Update: How's My Beard Taste?

Last night Prof. Bodyslam issued another four memos during a mini-trial and this morning kindly asked three of the rewriters to rewrite again . . . bringing the two day memo total to 18 [Not counting the unconfirmed report of a Nole Bice issued homework assignment.]

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Losing Track of the Punishments

A few posts back someone commented that there have only been 15 – 16 memos with the edge going to PC II. No says I.

For example:

Last night Prof. Powell gave four memos during a mini-trial then assigned four rewrites at the start of class. Immediately prior, Prof. Wren assigned two adventures in research and writing to people that had previously missed class or been kicked out, then gave a good old fashion, “we’ll be in touch” to another with the demoralizing follow-up , “Hope you do better in today’s trial, Mr. Burleson.”

Then, as if God wanted in on the memo action, Mr. Burleson’s phone went off.

[Photo Courtesy of Texas Ranger Dispatch]

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Week in Review

“There are several ways to teach the law, Mr. Gray. This just happens to be my favorite.”

"This special learning necklace should help you speak like a lawyer."

Friday, March 20, 2009

Check Back Tomorrow

A lot of good stuff happened today but it’s almost 2 o’clock on a school night and I need to figure out why e-mails from a job prospects go to the junk folder while “Teen babe blowing small pony” goes straight to the inbox.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Luck of the Irish

With a shamrock lapel pin and smile that dared predators to steal his lucky charms, Prof. Powell celebrated St. Patrick’s Day PC style:

Prof: [looking down at the seating chart] “Mr. McNeely,”
McNeely: [standing obediently in his festively green shirt]
Prof: [looking up] “Thank you, Mr. McNeely. Mr. Hanson.”
While McNeely sat down - allowing both the class and he time to wonder what the fuck just happened - Hanson stood up and was asked about 4 majority opinions and a dissent . . . which would have been reasonable had the syllabus assigned more than headnotes one through three.

In other leprechaun related news . . .