My First Day

The fact they gave me a new laptop and a desk with a customized Baylor nameplate probably means I shouldn't blog about my daily life in the office and have it all taken away.

"Peter, about that blog you wrote . . . "

With that in mind I'll fill this space with words nobody -including my mother- would ever care to read, and hope for the best.

My New Home

Located at the AMLI Park Meadows, my the condo boasts three bedrooms, two baths, and a two car garage all within about five minutes of work and three minutes of anything else.

My only complaints include a six-year old neighbor that likes to throw rocks, an internet setup that has yet to work, and a bed that is too small to adequately accommodate a legless midget.

Denver Better Than Colorado Springs

The people are better looking and there are more things to do but when asked how she wanted to spend her day, +1 said shopping. I might have preferred golf or indoor skydiving but apparently I’m not kept around for my opinions.

Attractive Views, Homely People

Since I can’t move into my corporate digs until Sunday, +1 and I spent the day in Colorado Springs. After walking outside to discover a wind chill factor of 35, +1 crossed rafting off the itinerary and replaced it with spelunking, rock observing and mild drinking.

Tomorrow is a new day scheduled to include a train ride through the mountains, a visit to the zoo and a drinking level of medium.

Summer Plans

Despite offers to work on business development projects for multi-billion dollar companies interested in products ranging from used video games to medical supplies in places like Texas, Boston, New York, California and Australia, I decided to take a summer internship in Denver, Colorado with DISH Network. For the next eleven weeks they’re putting me up in corporate housing, paying me a generous salary and most importantly, giving me the opportunity to see my team’s Focus Firm recommendations through to implementation.

I’m driving out there tomorrow with +1 to do some rafting, fishing and nightlife acclimation before I start work on Monday. Whether I write about the experience here, on a new blog, or not at all still remains to be seen.

Advice From People that Know

When the editor-in-chief of Law Review posts law school advice on his Facebook page, I usually read it in the hope of learning something profound. Usually I don’t but there is that undying hope kept alive by articles like this.

Benchmark This

Stealing from the archives of GED, this two-year old video features R. Glenn Hubbard, the Dean of Columbia Business School, “beefing” with the Chair of the Federal Trade Commission via song, dance and academic spirit fingers.

I’m not sure what kind of skills our very own Dean has but if degrees in zoology, public affairs, finance and business administration can't come in handy on The YouTube, I'm not sure where they can.

2/3 Done with Grad School

Overlook a take home Operations final due the 13^th and I’ve been done with business school since Monday. In celebration, GBA had an end of the year party where it gave awards to people like the Dean for looking like Mario, and the Career Advisor for knowing his place in the food chain. So congrats to them.

As for me, all that’s left is applying what I’ve learned in twenty years of education to my summer internship and then starting back at BLS in the fall.

Still Abusing Children

I’m currently preparing for our second playoff soccer game of the evening. If anyone cares, we won the first round 3-1 over Phi Delt and we play Kappa Sig tonight at 10.

Considering what the law students are currently doing, it’s sad to think I’m only four days from being done with the business school forever.

UPDATE:

We lost 3 – 0, I protected the goal like a spastic Down Syndrome child and Tommy managed to get kicked out of both of today’s games for keeping it too gangsta. It was a sad end to a good season.

I'm Not Passionate About Billing Hours

Of all the misconceptions about lawyers, the average salary is probably the biggest. For example, most business students think all law students make $3200 / week interning and all lawyers start at $160,000 / year plus bonus. I’ve had people ask me if I was prepared for the pay cut associated with entering the working world from the business side and I always try to tell them, the reality for Baylor students is something along the lines of this chart.

Compare that with this sadly female-unfavorable list and MBAs in most cases are better off.

And for those that like to dream big, billable hours kind of cap your potential. For example, to be a top 15 corporate lawyer in 2001, you needed to earn a mere $3.5M (and go to a top school).* I don’t know what the numbers are for 2007, but we'll assume they had a 10% annual growth rate and made $6.2M. Even then, the cutoff is a mere 1.3% of the $475M it took to make it onto the top 15 list of their hedge-funder clients.

I’m not saying I want to be in hedge funds and I’m not saying I need to make an annual salary of $400M. (it would be convenient). I’m just saying the odds of being wealthy and substance abuse-free are in the business world.

*In the same year, thanks to CivPro and the evils of tobacco, three Baylor lawyers by the names of John Eddie Williams, Walter Umphrey, and Harold Nix gave BLS students a glimpse of hope and a new school, earning a combined $38.7M.

Baylor Lawyer No Longer Bills Hours

I know you law students are busy studying for finals but if you get the chance, M. Jay Allison, Chairman, President & CEO of Comstock Resources is talking to our Career Management class on Wed. at 5:00PM in Cashion 203 and I think a few of you might be interested.

Part of his background info reads:

"Following his football days, Allison switched to the game of finding oil and gas. Using his law degree [from Baylor University], he gained exposure to the industry as a practicing oil and gas attorney for the firm of Lynch, Chappell & Alsup in Midland, Texas.

"Practicing oil and gas law gave me the confidence that I needed and experience to be successful in the oil and gas industry," he said. "When the opportunity presented itself, I was able to create a successful independent oil and gas company. Understanding the legal side of the industry is always an advantage especially in the beginning when you are involved with setting up a company."

Today, Comstock has $2.4B in assets, reporting $687M in sales and $69M in net income for 2007.

UPDATE:

Thanks to commenter / internet sleuth, CJ, I can now say the background info I cited from an e-mail was originally plagiarized from the Baylor Business Review. Good one, Buckley.

An Instruction Manual For the 1950s

Presumably to indicate how she feels a husband should be treated, my girlfriend forwarded me this picture from a 1955 edition of Housekeeping Monthly. My favorite words of advice include, “catering for his comfort will provide you immense personal satisfaction,” “you have no right to question him,” and of course, “show sincerity in your desire to please him.”

[UPDATE]

Despite reading the article, my girlfriend has yet to offer her services for shoe removal.

Baylor Student Gets Zapped for Living the Dream

I’d be remiss if I didn't at least post a link to this article/video/ comments section (please read the comments). Since it has yet to appear on YouTube and I don’t have the technology savvy to do it myself, here is the relevant, albeit incomplete, transcript:

Cop: This is kind of an unusual deal, I mean this is this is the Day of the Bear so there is a lot of celebrations going on all around town, especially on the Baylor campus. . . .
Frat Phenom: A guy threw some bear on a police officer . . . he took off running and the cops chased after him . . . and it was a valiant effort . . . but he got tased in the back and I got a picture of him . . . but he was toast man . . . just toast.*

*All the words and ellipses will be hilarious after you watch the video. I promise.

Dia Del Oso

The kids call it Dia, I call it the start of a four day weekend. Anyway you look at it, the law students are studying for finals while I’m busy deciding between golf, tennis and doing absolutely nothing.

If you or someone you know wants to be me, or simply wants to live in my one bedroom, fully furnished, Bandera Ranch condo for the summer, I’ll be happy to lease it to you! Act now and I’ll throw in the blog reader monthly discount of $200 plus 10,000 cool points** redeemable with Mrs.-degree seeking undergrads everywhere!!!!!!

**Only available to readers morally okay with using the pick-up line, “Can I buy you at least three drinks?”

More Pictures, Same Shirt

I received this picture today from the good folks at the NAOIP Real Estate competition in Dallas.

Our team had many strengths but diversity wasn’t one of them.

My Mom Will Like This Post

Though neither timely nor relevant, I received this picture of our case competition team from GWU so I figured I’d post it here.

It’s like a moot court team just better looking and more skilled in PowerPoint.

Focus Firm: Grand Finale

We met in the hotel lobby at 8AM, just five hours after getting in. Dressed in dark suits, white shirts and red ties we grabbed some caffeine and headed over to DISH’s Englewood, Colorado headquarters for our final presentation.

After being reintroduced to some of the HR people we’d originally met at Baylor, our group was given a quick tour of the 2000 person facility then taken to an on-site film studio where we spent the next two hours capturing the essence of focus firm on camera.*

When that was done, DISH bought us lunch, we practiced for an hour, gathered our courage, and made our presentation to a room of marketing people and executives including Candy and Charlie Ergen.

In the end, after giving us two hours of his time, Mr. Ergen gave us the biggest compliment a CEO can give by offering each of us full-time positions in the division of our choice. We must have done something right.

*More on the video in a later post after I receive the final edit.

AA Hates Making Money

American Airlines' failure to keep it real has resulted in the cancellation of my 11:30 flight to Colorado and despite our faculty's best efforts, the earliest replacement takes off at 9:50PM. In Osler's terms "American got a second memo, and probably deserved it." In Swanburg terms, they shit the bed and I have no choice but to sleep in it.

UPDATE:

Not surprisingly, the flight that was supposed to take off at 9:50 didn't take off until 12. First it was pushed back until 10:15, then 10:30, then 10:45, then canceled, then un-canceled and moved to a different terminal at which point we were told, "You need to hurry because if the doors of the plane aren't closed by 11:30, the flight will again be canceled."

Despite AA's d-baggery, we eventually made it to Denver.

Call the Cops: MBA Soccer Abuses Small Children

Last night, in our first game since the UT tournament, the MBA soccer team beat the Penland Misfits 5 goals to 1.* For those keeping track at home, that makes us a perfect 1 -0 in intramurals and 1 -2-1 overall.

*The otherwise heroic victory was nullified when I realized the freshman dorm-dwellers were too busy attending to a harem of sorority girls and loins filled with hope to be worried about things like goals . . . but a win is sort of a win nonetheless.

Baylor MBA: Fun But Not Easy

Today was our in class Focus Firm presentation and Thursday, 10 other classmates and I will be flying out to Colorado to meet with the good folks at Echostar. Word on the street is that Charlie Ergen, -whose annual earnings put his hourly rate somewhere around $45,000- will be hanging out with us, listening to our presentations and partaking in some Q&A. Until then it's a QBA test tomorrow and a finance final on Wednesday.

My Class in Real Estate Finance Fails to Come in Handy

Last time I blogged, I was getting ready to go to the Dallas Country Club for the Texas Real Estate Shootout. Long story short, we didn't win. Long story long, MBA teams from Baylor, UT, SMU, A&M, Rice, UTA and Tech battled it out for prize money. The winner, UT, took home $10K, 2^nd place took home $5K and Baylor netted $150 per person for showing up (a nice consolation considering Rice, the second place team, was absolutely embarrassed in the finals by their opponent's 40+ combined years of experience in real estate portfolio management.)

Anyway, my case competition career is over for the year. Its been fun.

Dragging My Ass

Not unlike a PC student, I have spent the last couple weeks getting to school by 7:30 and leaving 17.5 hours later at 1. Between preparing for case competitions, taking finals, writing papers, preparing for focus firm, sitting through interviews, traveling and reading for normal classes, I can honestly say I've never been so busy but never so entertained. In seven hours I'll drive to Dallas Country Club for the last case competition of the year, talk to some real estate executives, eat, drink, and hopefully get paid.

And despite the looks of this picture –taken at one of the receptions in DC- we lost to the likes of GWU.

And Now You Know

The last week has been crazy and I'm currently blogging from a well appointed hotel room in Washington, DC. The first round of the GW Case Competition was today, the final rounds are tomorrow, and I'll be returning to Waco late Sunday night.

Until then, wish us luck and if you get the chance, vote for Baylor's mascot here. As the below e-mail states:

"Baylor's mascot, Bruiser, has made it to the top 16 mascots in the nation, so now it's down the wire. One of my friends, Jenny King, is one of the 'humans' behind the Baylor Bear, so please take a minute to click on the link below and vote for Bruiser. So far, we are winning against West Virginia's mascot, the Mountaineer, but that could change! Every vote counts!"

So there you have it. Our mascot's name is Bruiser, he is sometimes a she named Jenny King, and you learn something new everyday.

Stereotyping SOBs

Based off the accompanying photo of our cheerleaders, multiple sports blogs around the internet (specialists in pictures of young women) have jumped on the bandwagon of describing Baylor girls as something less than attractive.

This is patently untrue. As a part-time scientist with a full-time bounty of youthful hormones, I personally conducted extensive research around campus, Scruff's, and Facebook, compiled the results, and benchmarked them against my days at Pepperdine.

Overall my study showed that Baylor girls are very attractive until they say things like, "I'll kill myself if I'm not engaged by the time I'm 23."

And scientifically speaking, this picture and its implications are easily explained away using the law of large numbers, multicollinearity and the existence of Photoshop. (Hint: skip the low hanging fruit and search for the nose picker in back.)

[thanks to an attractive, Post-PC ladies man for the tip].

Totally Free On-Demand Television

Understanding people like you have been looking for a way to watch The Office and Arrested Development from places like class, the networks have come up with Hulu.com.

It's an amazing, totally free site that has on-demand seasons of shows (and movies) with very limited commercial interruptions. It will probably change the way you watch television.

The above video is the most recent episode of Family Guy. Enjoy.

Swanburg Talks Pretty to Others

This year's MBA Big XII Case Competition was hosted by Kansas and sponsored by Garmin. On Friday morning the teams listened to an hour presentation from the CFO, asked some questions and then had 24 hours to prepare a presentation with analysis and recommendations for the Q3 roll out of the Nuvifone. (video here).

If you're the kind of person that cares about results, Oklahoma State won, Nebraska came in second, Baylor didn't come in third and the panel of executives and academic judges decided to award me the trophy for top presenter. They either liked my style or confused me with a guy that didn't call their brand "unsexy."

Hoisted by Her Own Petard

While I was Spring Breaking at Sea Pines, my mother was a few hours away at the Omni Hotel in Atlanta. As you can see from the pictures, one of us had a better time.

Here is her hotel, the view from her room, and a scene on the street outside.

BLS Student Felt Slighted, Cops Intervene

Waco local / MBA enthusiast / new best friend, Jud, sent me this link from the WacoTrib in an e-mail that read, "Swanny, those law school kids are a different crowd."

Since I can't do much to improve off Ms. Erin Quinn's intrepid reporting, I'll simply reprint the highlights - sans names and Facebook pictures - and note that people are innocent until proven guilty and Chicago was in no way involved.

POLICE REPORT: Baylor law student charged with brandishing handgun at bar

A 22-year-old Baylor University law student was arrested early Friday morning after Waco police say he revealed a handgun outside of a campus-area bar to one of its employees.

Waco police officer Steve Anderson said [student] had been kicked out of Scruffy Murphy’s, 1226 Speight Ave., around 11 p.m. Thursday. At about 2:30 a.m., after the bar was closed, [student] returned to the bar, Anderson said. A Scruffy’s employee told him the bar was closed, and [student] said he was returning to see a man he had a dispute with in the parking lot after [student] was kicked out earlier, Anderson said.

As he walked away from the bar, police said [student] revealed to the employee a handgun tucked in his waistband. He was arrested a short time later, police said.

On second thought, only way to improve on the article is to remove a few instances of the word "said" and add a line that reads, "Upon being arrested, [student] kept yelling, "Woo!!! Spring Break '08!!!!"

Spring Break '08

Spring breaking like a more sophisticated, responsible version of myself, I'll be in Hilton Head at the famed Sea Pines Resort until Thursday and Kansas City for the Big XII Case Competition after that. Enjoy break, do something sophomoric, and try not to get arrested.

Jon's Swans Mean Nothing

Two weeks ago during donut hour, Prof. Communication recommended we get shirts to support the men's basketball team in their final game against A&M. "If we have 25 people," she said, "we can get the shirts customized for the MBA program."

Long story short, we had enough people, the shirts got customized, and to my surprise, there was no mention of MBA . . . simply: "Mark's Bears Mean Business." And if that wasn't a healthy enough dose of awkward, the below picture was taken to immortalize the event.

On the brighter side, something about a 6'6" version of Prof. Strategy makes the whole thing worth while.

Ask and You Shall Receive

Nothing makes me happier than school-wide e-mails like the one reprinted in part below:

"Thank you so much for your valuable feedback at our luncheon last week. Your comments are valuable to us as we refine and improve our program! Below are suggestions from you that we are addressing:

1) More ping pong balls! (top priority, guys!). Adriene will be ordering more ping pong balls

2) A holder for ping pong balls: Adriene will be ordering a holder for the grad lounge

Points 3, 4, and 5 go on to talk about things like adding printers, computers, and sound proofing but really, after steps one and two nothing else matters.

MBAs Live For PowerPoint

To commemorate our lack of wins in the previous weekend's soccer tournament, the below awards were given out during this morning's donut hour via PowerPoint. I've stolen the images and awards, adding my comments in parethesis.

Most Unexpectedly Good Player (Extensive Practice Taking Balls to the Face)

Most Value-Adding Player (Only Person to Score a Goal)

Most Self-Sacrificing Player (The Proud New Owner of Bruised Testicles)

Best Socked Player (As the Creator of the PowerPoint He Felt Deserving of an Award)

Most Inspirational (Most Likely to Encourage Unsportsmanlike Conduct)

Laziest Player (Most Observant Player on Defense)

Best Looking Player (Yellow Card for Indecent Exposure)

Most Improved Player (First and Only Time to Ever Play Soccer)

Circle of Life

Last night I attended law buddy social only to discover I'm a relic of a bygone era. Nobody knew me as a blogger, nobody new me as a law student . . . I was just another guy at Crickets. The two students at the check-in desk asked for my name only to tell me I wasn't on the list, and most of my old comrades have moved on to PC or a preemptive state of depression that prevents them from being social.

By the time I return in the fall, three new classes will have entered and I'll be a 6Q; the same as a lot of law students that were 2Q's when I left.

Soccer Tournament Recap: Saturday Night - 6th St.

After upgrading into the Sheraton, mending our battle scars and realizing we were ridiculously sunburned, Tommy-the-Roommate and I prepared for a long night of networking. From 9 - 11 the tournament hosts graciously provided free drinks at the Chugging Monkey and from 12 - 2 we found ourselves bouncing from one bar to the next with a classmates and non-classmates alike.

If I learned nothing else from the experience, European MBA's from around the country love Lone Star. One described it as a kin to getting a Cheese Steak in Philadelphia.

Soccer Tournament Recap: Saturday Morning - Games

We lost our first two games to MIT and UCLA by scores of 4 - 0 and 2 -1 respectively while tying the third against Columbia 0 - 0. I'd talk about the details but the highlights were all red cards, yellow cards and our Captain beating up a girl.

This picture was taken after the last game. More pictures from throughout the day will be posted as soon as I find some.

Soccer Tournament Recap: Friday Night - The Check In

Upon being the third and fourth people to arrive at the meet and greet, Tommy and I were given wristbands for free drinks and told that teams from the northeast were stuck in airports and the first game was being pushed back from 8:30 to 11. We thanked them, grabbed a pool table and spent the night mingling amongst a sea of dudes.

Through our conversations we learned that schools like Wharton are 39% international with entering classes of 800. That's 1600 potential players, 624 of which are from countries that actually care about soccer.

In comparison, with incoming classes of 44, Baylor has only 88 potential players most of whom consider ping-pong their lone source of exercise. Our lack of numbers however, didn't stop us from kicking ass in pool and leaving when the tab closed.

Soccer Tournament Recap: Friday Night - The Hotel

"You'll have to wait if you need to piss. We no longer have a public toilet down here because guests would get mad and smear shit all over the walls." That was the greeting we received as we entered the Suburban Extended Stay in Austin.

Undeterred by the clerks statement, we paid the $50 friends and family discount rate* as he handed us the remote for our television and pointed us in the direction of our room. As we walked down the hall, we were closely followed by a man profanely expressing disappointment in his lack of female companionship and when we got to the door we discovered a broken dead bolt, ominous brown and red stains covering the walls and blankets riddled with burn holes. We decided then and there that we would remove the blankets, sleep in our clothes and place a chair in front of the door.

That was at 7:15. By 7:19 we had left for the tournament check in at the Tap Room at Six without unpacking the car. By all accounts, it was a safer place for our valuables.

*Thanks to the indefatigable Mr. C. for setting us up. I couldn't have gotten crabs without you.

The Battle Continues

Joining my vendetta against Mr. Ross and his use of words is MBA stud muffin / bean pole / Renaissance man, Mark. As you can tell from the often angst-filled, rarely spell-checked comment section below, limerick and tight game are mutually exclusive.

An MBA Poetry Battle

Like other Baylor MBAs, I received an e-mail from a fellow student that read:

"[Blah, blah, blah] I got the idea to try and do a poem about everyone involved with LS2. As of right now I have one about Tim and Karam. If you want to comment and add your own thoughts, or maybe just read them, they are located at homepages.baylor.edu/riley_ross. To show my range I will include standard rhymes, limmericks[sp], haiku, I don't even care. If I haven't done one about you, don't worry, you're coming."

My first thought of course was to add [in my eye] to the end of his e-mail, but alas, if he wants a literary battle, a literary battle he shall have.

There once was a man named Riley,
That thought he was acting politely
When he started to flirt
By ripping the shirt
Of the mom he longed after nightly.

Your play, Mr. Ross. Detroit, what?

Living in the Moment

Today marks the 2/3 point of my illustrious MBA career. Strategy is over, Focus Firm is about half way there and 10 weeks from today, I'll once again be considered a law student. Considering the PC students spent the weekend mulling over a literal 650 page reading assignment, I'm not excited to go back.

In soccer related news, it appears there are updated schedules for this weekend's tournament and Baylor is ranked last in the B Group behind UCLA, MIT, and Columbia.

Four Dudes, One Girl

In case you wonder what Baylor MBAs look like, here are pictures from our George Washington Case Competition Team's recent photo shoot. Print them out, post them on your wall, or make sock puppets in their likeness. You have my permission.

Einstein Priced The Options on Your Mom

Thanks to Prof. Finance, I have notes reading, "The second order partial differential equation of the Black-Scholes option pricing model is equivalent to the stochastic process of Brownian motion." Unfortunately, the five-week class system and a penchant for not paying enough attention have left me with a final on Thursday and no clue what that actually means.

Currently I'm deducing it's the secret code into many a lady's pants but I've been wrong before. Repeating Prof. Finance's catch phrase "Ohhh Baby Doll . . ." has gotten me nothing but spilt drinks and restraining orders.

UT MBA Wins Hearts

The schedule for the soccer tournament has been set, and quite honestly, it looks terrific.

If the picture doesn't enlarge, click this link

First off, on Friday, February 22, there is a Welcome Party from 7:30 - 10:30 pm at The Tap Room at SIX. After getting checked in and buzzed to whatever extent is polite, someone will drive me back to our hotel. The following morning at 8:30 we are scheduled to play Columbia-B followed by MIT (Sloan) at 11:10 and UCLA (Anderson) at 1:50.

Assuming I'm not mortally wounded in battle, the next stop is the Texas Winter Classic Party at the Chugging Monkey from 9:00 PM - Midnight. Free drinks will be served and accordingly, the Soldier Boy will be danced.

Winning games and making the playoffs the following morning could put a damper on things but we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

Baylor MBA Seeks T-Shirt Ideas

GBA, the student governing board of the business school, is making shirts and needs ideas. If all goes as expected we'll end up with a shirt like this or our tagline will be something like, "Baylor MBA: Business Students with Attitude!!!!"

And not that any of my suggestions would ever get picked but after lengthy deliberation I've ruled out - Baylor MBA: We Make It Rain; Investing In Our Future Sex Appeal; and That's What She Said, in favor of . . .

And if you don't like that, stealing something from this site would probably work just as well. In case you don't like suprises, I'll give you a hint: Rap Songs meet Excel and hilarity ensues.

Mission Accomplished

Today, thanks to the support of faculty, administration and fellow students, we were able to add a ping pong table to the graduate business lounge. After some negotiation, Big Brothers and Sisters in Waco sold us the table for $25 and Sports Authority sold us the paddles and net for about the same.

A special thanks to Riley for helping me transport the table and another to all those who helped me start my MBA ping pong career 5 - 0. I couldn't have done it without you.