PC Equivalent of Blood Sport

Since I’m not sure what the previous post had to do with PC, the Bar, or anything else related to this blog or the Baylor sense of decency, I will remove it from the top of my posts by pointing out that the Top Gun final will be held this Monday and Ed “Street Justice” Cloutman will be facing off against James “The Trial Weapon” Hatchet.

If Street Justice wins he’ll be the first Top Gun champion since 1976 to invest his winnings in a money-green Cadillac El Dorado.

Coitus Interruptus!!!

According to Latham’s link to this article about this study, condoms are for cowards:

In a perfect world, “If the male partner withdraws before ejaculation every time a couple has vaginal intercourse, about 4% of couples will become pregnant over the course of a year . . . only slightly less effective than male condoms, which have perfect-use failure rates of 2%.”

In the real world, “Couples that attempt to use both methods consistently over the course of the year can expect typical failure rates for coitus interruptus and male condoms to be around 18% and 17% respectively.”

Analyzing the data using my B.A. in Economics, if a couple has sex 100 times, the guy is going to “forget” to put on a condom 15 times and be “apologetically surprised” fourteen. And I don’t have the stats on people that forget condoms then "interruptus the coitus" but I’m guessing the multicollinearity is low. Scientifically speaking, it’s kind of hard to say you forgot when you ejaculate on another person’s stomach.

Happy Law Buddy

When I went to Law Buddy Social as a 1Q my goals were to 1) get a law buddy; 2) high five as many people as possible; and 3) sleep with everyone in sight.

As a 9Q I went to recruit witnesses for Big Trial and ended up spending the night correcting people that thought I was new and coyly shooting down the one girl that asked to see my penis.

SOBER UPDATE:

Despite the above, I managed to collect the verbal commitments of sixteen witnesses. I now realize I only needed three. If you would like to borrow one, let me know and I'll see what I can do.

Good Evening

If last night is any indication of what the future holds, the best part about passing PC I is the removal of Jim Wren from my nightmares. For approximately the past 14 weeks I’ve grown accustomed to the fear that he performs his nightly beard maintenance while watching me sleep.

PC I Grades

A 5
A- 5
B+ 10
B 10
B- 6
C+ 6
C 9
D 2
F 1

This Blog = Only Time I'll Ever Use PC Knowledge Outside of Class

We’re currently on the topic of jury charges and I honestly can’t think of anything less exciting or useless. Today’s class went something like this:

Prof: Describe a situation in which you can granulate the elements?
Mr. Simpson: I don’t know. I can’t think of any.
Prof: (silence) Ms. Nettles?
Ms. Nettles: Well maybe if there is some sort of predicate . . .
Prof: That’s stupid. Ms. Hernandez?
Ms. Hernandez: Maybe if they’re disjunctive.
Prof: Mr. Simpson?

That goes on for about 15 minutes, the professor then tells us there is no situation when it’s proper to granulate the elements, everyone feels retarded, and it starts again. Since Mr. King’s wife gave birth to a child last night, I assume tomorrow will go something like this:

Prof: Mr. King, you read a case that used the longest word in the English language without a vowel, didn’t you?

(20 minutes later)

Prof: That word was rhythm, Mr. King. I’m not going to kick you out because you’d just leave and spend time with your wife and child but I want you to know that Ms. Fitzwilliams expects you to read the cases and know what’s in them. Thank you.

Baylor Law Eventually Hates Everyone

Clicked on the updated Summary Judgment schedule and saw my hearing was moved from Waco to Tyler. FML.

PC Continues to Make Me Feel Like a D-Bag

Last Friday I skipped the business school hooding ceremony because 1) it conflicted with PC; and 2) I wasn’t actually allowed to graduate until the summer.

End result: They tried surprising me with the award of outstanding MBA graduate for spring 2009 and, uh, I was not there to accept it. Thankfully the commemorative desk clock had my name engraved so they couldn’t give it to anyone else.

He's So Crispy

When the professor wears his three-piece with a pocket watch, I find it endearing. When he wears it with custom slacks, I’m inspired by his ingenuity. When he wears it with casual khakis custom tailored to fit a pocket watch like he did today, I marvel at his commitment to the culture.

When asked how he felt about this guy, the Prof. is quoted as saying “a pocket watch without a pocket does not a man make.” Then he assigned Fletcher the task of briefing every case related to the no-evidence rule and smiled.

One Last Thing

Despite the previous two posts, PC is still the place of nightmares. After the second person was removed from today's class, GRP asked a student’s mother -who was sitting in the back – if she knew what was going on and then politely let the silence grow deafening.

PC Road Show

Yesterday I mentioned that real judges were going to be hearing the motions for summary judgment. Today we found out where they’d be. Stowers will be heard in Dallas, McKinnerney in Lufkin, and 54 Broadcasting in Waco. E-Z Pawn and Lighthouse will be conveniently located about three hours away in Henderson and Tyler, respectively.

PC Earns a Cool Point

The cases were assigned Fellows today, and the Fellow for 54 Broadcasting is Mr. Steve McConnico of the Scott, Douglas and McConnico. [After writing that previous sentence I pulled up the link to Scott, Douglas and McConnico and got totally sidetracked by the news article in the firm’s overview]:

Scott, Douglass & McConnico wins unanimous jury verdict.

Austin, Texas. March 2, 2009. An Austin jury returned a unanimous verdict in favor of Scott, Douglass & McConnico’s defendant client. The company that owns the FCC broadcast license for Austin TV station KNVA and several of its shareholders claimed that Scott, Douglass & McConnico’s client did not properly exercise an option to purchase the company’s stock. The jury rejected the plaintiffs’ position and unanimously decided that Scott, Douglass & McConnico’s client properly exercised the stock option.

Steve McConnico led a Scott, Douglass & McConnico trial team that included partner Chris Sileo and associate Diana Reinhart. Scott, Douglass & McConnico worked with Charles P. “Chip” Babcock and Nancy Hamilton from Jackson Walker, LLP, which represented a co-defendant in the case.

The plaintiffs were represented at trial by Steve Susman and Harry Susman of Susman Godfrey, LLP. The case is 54 Broadcasting, Inc., et al. v. LIN Television of Texas, L.P. and Vaughan Media, LLC, in the United States District Court for the Western District of Texas – Austin Division, the Honorable Sam Sparks presiding.

So yea . . . Mr. McConnico is going to be grading our performance and, if nothing else, that's a better incentive for working hard than simply trying to avoid a memo.

Copping My Wares

Today the GRP took my watch off the desk, fumbled with it, placed it on his wrist, looked at it, compared it to the clock on the wall and stood there in silence. As I watched the metallic band slowly disappear beneath the cuff of his shirt, I simultaneously feared I was about to get robbed and that my watch wouldn’t be good enough.

The latter proved to be true and my confidence cried as he gave it back.

Later in the day, my confidence was still noticeably absent when I inadvertently shit my under-jorts upon learning our summary judgment hearings would be placed on real dockets, of real judges, and argued in real court houses.

The Start of 9Q

Today’s PC III was a wonderful experience highlighted by the phrase, “How ‘bout you, Big Boy?” [This was immediately followed in my head with “we’ll see bout it.”]

In other news:

• Big Trials were handed out and I didn’t get Titanic. My partner tells me we were assigned 54 Broadcasting and a Fellow.
  

• Apparently the non-academics hate Baylor a little more than US News but there is no way those rankings are realistic. Every Baylor guy that has been single or pretended to be single has gone home with something well out of his league using tricks that would never work outside of Waco.
  

Welcome Back

The PC I exam was surprisingly fair, the PR grades are back, and Prof. Powell sent an email that started, “PC III will meet twice a day, at 10:30 a.m. and 2:15 p.m., until further notice.” This countdown reaching zero is the only thing I have to look forward to.