Ex Parte – In My Pants

This post comes three days late but I just got a picture to go along with the story . . . and by story I mean the simple fact we remain undefeated.

And maybe it’s the lighting, but somehow the team I’m on now looks more athletic than it did first quarter.

Connecting Able Jurists with Willing Witnesses

The PC process for finding witnesses is detrimentally flawed. It defies all logic and contradicts my basic understandings of academia, business, and organizational behavior. In the last two weeks I’ve been asked to witness on over 18 occasions. I’ve seen the anxiety it creates for the overly-stressed and I’ve seen the time it takes from the schedules of the already over-worked.

Why hasn’t anyone reached out to the groups most capable and eager to help?

There are currently 516 undergrads enrolled in the Pre-Law Council and over 170 law students in their 4^th quarter or less.

With that in mind, I make the recommendation SBA create a position in charge of the witness program. The position would be part Student Ambassador, part Secretary, and part Moderator. Responsibilities would include sending out a survey to potentially interested undergrads at the beginning of each semester and to law students at the beginning of each quarter. The respondents would be asked if they would be available to help, how often, and on what days and times etc.

This information would be put in a spreadsheet and distributed to PC students who could contact the potential witnesses via e-mail. To keep the system updated, PC students who used a witness from the program would be asked to send the moderator an e-mail so the list could be updated and redistributed on a weekly basis. A more automated system could be put in place as the witness program develops.

The proposed system isn’t perfect - or comprehensive- but I know it will work.

To test the undergrads general interest in helping, I sent an e-mail to my girlfriend’s former business law professor asking if any of her students would be interested in witnessing. She forwarded the e-mail to her class, and now I have an inbox filled with people wanting to volunteer. [It didn’t hurt she told them they’d get extra credit on the final.]

Long story short, it’s a simple solution for an apparently large problem.

Don't Make Me Look Bad

DISH Network is doing on-campus interviews for in-house clerkships on Friday Sept. 26^th. If you want unbelievable experience (at one of the most litigious companies in the world), or you like Space Law, or you just want to get paid to live in Denver for the summer, I highly recommend you sign up.

In terms of the projects they’ll have you working on and the responsibilities you’ll be given, it's truly a singular opportunity.

Gunners Continue to Make Classmates Look Bad

A few weeks back, an e-mail from the BLS Dean went out reading in part:

It has been reported to me that there are a few students who routinely intentionally delay leaving the library on time which causes our workers to have to stay late and sometimes necessitates a call to Baylor police to escort the students from the library . . . I cannot understand why any of our students would think such behavior is acceptable within our library.

Yesterday, an e-mail from the BLS Dean went out reading in part:

You are about to lose your right to study in [the second floor study] rooms. The food in the trash cans indicates you are violating the No Food Policy. The scraps [sic], marks and other damage to the furniture, blinds and walls indicate you have no respect for Law School property.

If these conditions continue, you will lose the privilege of using them.

As a note to administration, rather than sending school-wide e-mails, my advice is you hire Carl Monday [as seen in the first minute and a half of the video above.] He’s like the Chris Hansen of library masturbators, and from the sound of things, that’s exactly BLS needs.

Survey Shows 113 Liberals Hate Baylor, Love Contracts

As pointed out by a sleuthing commentator, according to this survey by Texas Lawyer, only 61.95% of Baylor Law Students would go back and do it again while 30.97% wish they’d gone to a different school.

These numbers are part of a larger study that cites diversity as the biggest problem of our bastion of conservatism, and Larry Bates –seen to the left in his courtroom attire - as our most influential professor. The logic is beyond reproach.

Shallow and Pedantic

Shortly prior to CivLib, an e-mail from the Prof. went out reading simply:

Dear Class,

You will have visitors in class today. If you are in default, you will be forced to join the French Legion fighting in Afghanistan. In order to accomplish this, you must visit the French consulate in Houston. Please be on notice that you may not be an officer in the Legion, since only French nationals may have such ranking.

[CivLib]

I reprint it here only because it’s the type of high-brow humor/fact I assume at least one of my four readers enjoy. The other three are probably as useless as admirals in the 1950s ITALIAN NAVY!!! HA!!! Am I right, Prof. CivLib, or am I right? Those doltish Italians WISH they had boats.

Another Way to Be Creepy

If you ever wanted to befriend a lady (or professor) that wouldn’t give you her number, tell you where she lived, or provide access to her Facebook pictures, you still have a chance. The Baylor directory now includes ID pictures with almost every listing, and as of 9/11, an interface ITS describes as user-friendly.

And since the Directory demands I not use its pictures, assume the one to the left came from a scan of my ID card.

Graduate Golf League

In an effort to make the world a better place, I’m arranging a few rounds of golf for Friday afternoons at Twin Rivers (formerly Bear Ridge). Good players will be partnered with the less fortunate to keep things moving and a wonderful time should theoretically be had by all.

Lascivious details will follow but shoot me an e-mail if you’re interested.

UPDATE:

It doesn’t matter if you’re terrible. Last week my teammate/neophyte athlete of a friend, Post-PC BC, managed to mistake his pitching wedge for a putter on multiple occasions -a strong argument for eugenics- and we still let him play.

Encouraging Youths to Run Faster Since 2008

Yesterday I briefly mentioned being part of a winning intramural [flag football] team; what I didn’t mention were the facts I’m now playing for Ex Parte in My Pants and our multi-sport jerseys are proudly sponsored by Chapman’s Bail Bonds.

In the business world they call it synergy; in the legal world it’s probably called a conflict of interest. Either way, if you’re ever in a situation that forces you to choose between Waco’s eighteen bail bondsmen, Chapman’s wants you to remember: "You Ring . . . We’ll Spring.”

BLS 2.0

I’m surrounded by the omnipresent feeling that things have changed. My classes seem easy, I’ve avoided being outwardly inappropriate, yesterday I was part of a winning intramural team, and, as Osler pointed out in the hall, Chicago is now considered a school leader.

It’s a far cry from the days of old but it’s most likely an improvement. I used to be scared to come to school as a 1Q.

Revitalizing Downtown

I started working on a post regarding several 2Ls and their quest to use the human penis as a divining rod, but after reading my first few sentences, it seemed somehow inappropriate. So instead, I’ll mention Waco’s newest bar.

Located about two blocks past Treff’s on Austin Avenue, Austin’s on the Avenue (“Austin’s”) attempts to bring an upscale ambiance to a previously bleak downtown Waco. On the inside, the owner combined dark woods, stainless steel, and the original brick walls to give the bar a lounge-type feel that reminded me of LA, while the large outside patio and bar make for a great place to listen to live music (which they claim they’ll have Thursday through Saturday.)

The place doesn’t have a website, (or any other mention on the internet) so I don’t have pictures or further details, but it’s a better vibe than its nearest competitor, Basaberu, and its bartenders are some of the most attractive in Waco. If you’re looking to have a couple drinks in a laid back atmosphere, I highly recommend it.