Prof. Contracts

Thanks to Photoshop and a general lack of blog-worthy material, I bring you these:

I call this first one, "N-ever E-nd P-eace A-nd L-ove"

Prof. Contracts leaving nothing but carefully placed footprints.

Going the other direction, I call this second image: "The Conservative"

The day that will never come.

__

Feel free to caption the images or send in your own. In the mean time, I'll be studying . . . and by studying I mean Photoshopping Britt's head onto a wide variety of midget porn.

Slow Quarter

The BLS news has been short this summer. As far as I can tell, the 1Q's don't do anything outside of law school, the 2Q's are practicing for the ping pong World Championship, the 4Q's are short in numbers, the 5Q's have given up having fun and the never ending rain has destroyed both intramurals and my dreams of the perfect tan.

That being said, I went to dinner with BC and his family the other night and his mom explained her son's ambition and determination by relating it back to a story from his youth:

Mom: One day in elementary school, I guess the high school orchestra came to play and Britt came home and was like, "Mom . . . I want to play the viola." I said to him, "Britt, honey, what about the violin" to which he said, "No . . . I don't want to play anything but the viola; I'm going to be a violist."

Britt's Dream Coming to Fruition

In other news you don't care about, I may or may not have gotten my hands on Photoshop, there are free day planners in the student lounge courtesy of Dean Toben and 100% Columbian coffee courtesy of SBA.

Witness for Big Trial

Last time I witnessed, Prof. PC kept me on the stand for over an hour and called me a bad actor between questions. Today I had Prof. Bice and a deposition that read in part:

Q: Can you go into some more detail about your responsibilities as a welder?
A: Well, I was primarily a washer and dryer person.
Q: OK. So after that job, what did you do?
A: I worked at La Caverna Hotel as a maintenance man. I unplugged toilets.
Q: You unplugged toilets?
A: Yes.


Though the last seven hours spent staring at antitrust keep me from being the least bit humorous, I'll simply say I was truly impressed with the lawyers' overall improvements from PC I to now. In less than 18 weeks the people I saw have gone from an awkward learning stage to trial-ready advocates. So congratulations; it's almost over.

On a related note, if you're going to witness - as you obviously should - don't accept money. We will all have these trials at some point and karma is a bitch. Even if you're low on cash, a PC student desperate for a witness isn't the place to get it.

Things Besides Turning 23

I was going to write a note simply thanking everyone for their birthday wishes but two things happened between my birthday and this post.

First, Mark "DJ Camo Hat" Reitmeier got engaged.

As the grandson of Baylor professors and the son of parents who both went to Baylor, Mark grew up in Waco, went to Baylor for undergrad and dated a girl who is officially graduating from Baylor at the end of this summer. I don't claim to fully understand the ring by spring system, but from what I hear, this engagement is as natural as turtles climbing the beach to lay eggs or salmon swimming upstream to spawn.

To pull a comment from his fiancés Facebook Wall:

"This is so exciting!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Finally the beautiful triple oval ring you've been waiting for!!!!!!!!!!!!

So congrats to both Lauren and Mark on the engagement.

Second, I learned from WithLeather that goldfish can be taught to synchronize swim. Since I've known goldfish to do nothing other than die after three weeks, this video via YouTube comes as quite the surprise. Enjoy.

And thanks for the birthday wishes.

Pawing the Yarn of Words with the Kittens Feet of Dreams

If you've been looking for a way to describe over breadth, I bring you this gem from yesterday's ConLaw:

Prof. ConLaw: So why then was it a no go?
Student: "Very basically, they are swatting the fly of homosexuality with a bazooka of tyranny."

Ummm . . . WTF?

While I admit the subtle nuance of complex metaphor escapes me, I know you don't swing bazookas. I also know when that same person used the word "mombastic" in a sentence a few days back, I was like, "Hold on. Let me look that one up on dick.com." Turns out it couldn't find a definition but did refer me to "dumbass attack" . . . so that's something.

Grading Policy

Since Prof. ConLaw took a few minutes to carefully explain BLS' relatively new grading policy, I should clarify a couple misconceptions.

As much as I've been emphasizing class averages, the goal was never to set the mean at or around 3.0 but rather to set the median at 3.0. The difference is huge. The goal was never to keep people from getting D's or F's; the goal was to have the 50th percentile student achieve a 3.0.

To maintain a mean of 3.0, the professor would need to give 3 A's for every F; 2A's for every D; and 1 A for every C.

In a class of 25 without pluses or minuses the grades would have to look something like below to keep a mean of 3.0. In this case the median student would obviously have an A.

A 13
B 5
C 3
D 2
F 2

That being said, Prof. ConLaw has taken a look at all the distributions and the new BLS policy is exactly what the administration intended it to be.

Blogging About Blogging

Prof. Employment Discrimination has started BoilerBabe bringing the BLS, non-student represented blogs up to 10.

- Profs. Contracts and LARC have the Secured Credit Blog (Prof. Contracts needs to step it up.)
- Profs. CivPro and ConLaw have the CivPro blog (I don't understand most of it but feel smarter for reading it.)
Prof. Osler has the Razor, Law School Innovation, Religously Affiliated Law Schools, and On Rhetoric.
- The Administration still has the Incoming Students and Admissions (blogs that may or may not be defunct.)
- Prof. LARC II has a Dallas Cowboys blog (that may or may not be on the internet.)

That being said, the below CivPro distribution reminds me why Facebook Groups such as WJC: Men Want to be him, Women want to be with him and WJC: I Am Him and Enjoy Being Him exist . . .

A 1

A- 2

B+ 7

B 22

B- 9

C+ 10

C 5

D 1

F 3

Mean GPA 2.655

While few blame a school wide Stockholm syndrome and most praise his ability to teach, when asked why he is considered one of the best professors year after year, the WJC would undoubtedly cite good looks and charm before slapping the person brave enough to ask.

Congratulations to the Newest Members of Law Review

Joel Bailey
Jennie Bauman
Ross Culpepper
Mathew Durfee
Jeff Fisher
Joshua Holmes
Michael May
Dylan Springman
James Tyminski
Crystal Y'Barbo

And last but not least, my newest hero:
Jonathon Wharton

Even if you were to fail out now, you'll always have Law Review. Me? I'll always have this blog which is kind of the same thing but sexier. Much, much sexier.

Law Students Draw Local Praise

Contrary to the title, the film "Debbie Does Dallas" is not set in Dallas nor does the titular Debbie do anyone in or from Dallas. Thankfully that's where the movie and the blog, "Wendy Does Waco" diverge. The latter is set in Waco and the titular Wendy does in fact do Waco and everyone in it.

In her most recent post, writing for the Waco Tribune, Wendy states:

"if going to Scruff’s is wrong, I don’t want to be right."

Go on . . .

"Waco karaoke is way more entertaining [than anything she has ever experienced]. Drunk Baylor lawyers-to-be doing gangsta rap. You might think you’ve seen something more amusing, but you’d be wrong. Someday, I’m going to need a lawyer to defend my first amendment rights. These are the guys I want — fo sho.

Wow. While it's clear she has made the common mistake of confusing, "defend my first amendment rights" with "have my children" Wendy's praise has been duly noted.

"Even if karaoke made me break out in an itchy rash, I think I’d still go"

Leaving only one question . . . understatement of the month or year?
Yea . . . looking at that picture a year sounds about right.

[Huge thanks to Red Andrews of BearMeat for the link.]

Drawing Contest

I don't know how I let this slip by but BLS is still looking for artists:

We are in the process of developing a new program called Bear Essentials at the Law School. I would like to have a unique drawing of a bear to be used in conjunction with this program. I am looking for a creative/artistic person
to come up with a bear in a .jpg or .gif (or other) format that can be used on posters and other materials for the program. You are welcome to submit as many ideas as you would like. As a little bonus, the winning designer will receive a $25 gift card to the restaurant/store of his/her choice. All ideas must be submitted by the end of the day, Monday, June 18. Let me [Heather Creed] know if you have any questions, and good luck!

Since my drawing skills peaked prior to first grade, the above image is my only contribution to the casue. I call it, "Bear Justice." It's kind of like the "SpiritWalker" but more plausible and less gummybear-esque.

Another slow day means you're getting a couple links and the LARC distribution:

- Apparently anonymous internet name calling can get you sued.

- Judge suing dry cleaner for $54 million cries on the stand over lost pants when the raw emotion of his testimony becomes too much:

To quote the article:

. . but as he came to the part about when Soo Chung finally told him she had found the missing pants, the tale of the $10.50 alteration that went awry proved to be too much.

“These are not my pants,” Pearson recalled telling Chung when she handed him a pair of gray pants with cuffs. “I have in my adult life, with one exception, never worn pants with cuffs.”

“And she said, ‘These are your pants.’ ”

Pearson paused. He struggled to breathe deeply. He could not continue. Pearson blurted a request for a break, stood up, turned around and walked out of the courtroom, tears dripping from his full and reddened eyes.

I feel for the guy. Last time someone lost my pants and accused me of wearing anything but flat fronts it went to fisticuffs. So yea . . . tears and $54 million sounds about right.

- Finally, as promised, the LARC distribution: A 2; A- 10; B+ 10; B 41; B- 15; C+ 7; C 3.

BLS Overseas

Carver and a few other Baylor folks are studying abroad this summer. From what I gather, Falling Off the Monkey Bars will be live-blogging the experience complete with pictures, commentary and music.

You can click here and check it out or click here and check out my new favorite Baylor Lawyer / Presidential candidate as introduced to me by BearMeat.

Vote Vic Feazell. Why? Becasue we could do worse - and probably will. And while you're at it . . . drive laid back and lower your speed.

The GMAT

I took the test this morning. Not much to say about it. I got a lot of questions right - which is cool because I don't do that a lot in law school - got my score on the spot and left the building ranked 97th best English speaker in the world . . . or something like that. Math score indicates I know a lot more about words than I do numbers . . . or shapes . . . or division symbols . . . .

Anyway, now that I've taken the test, the question remains: do I get my JD/MBA at Baylor or just do the JD at Baylor and go somewhere else for B-school?

Admission numbers tell me I can get into places like Duke, Emory, Cornell, Georgetown, U.S.C. or dare I say UT, but odds are I'll stay posted up in the Dirty-W. I like it here, the people are nice, I've gotten used to the water's musk and I really can't imagine blogging about anywhere else.

Oh yea. Blogging about blogging about blogging, a reporter from the Wall Street Journal Law Blog contacted me yesterday in regards to things like BLS grading policies, blogging about law school, SoTheBearSays' commencement speaker campaign and uh . . . our Lexis friend.

Realizing there is a time and place to not talk about all things BLS, I referred the tough questions to Osler and Prof. Contracts. I figured between the two of them he'd get an article about something.

Over but Not Forgotten

Thanks to a proactive reader's comment, I refer you to some good looking pictures of last quarter's moot court competition.


In case you didn't notice, one person happens to be taller than the other three . . . just thought I'd point that out.

Immunity Party Update

The night was all about heterosexual guys doing heterosexual things . . . like singing Boyz 2 Men whilst cuddling on the floor.

Then there was Scruff's . . .

Then there was Britt . . .
Then there was this . . .

Then Love Shack was sung and time stood still. (picture removed)

Good times were had by all and once again, I can't thank SBA enough for its efforts.

Immunity Day Recap

Lake Brazos Steakhouse played host to the Immunity party. Food was served, drinks were drunk, karaoke was sung and cards were held.

I think Rett won the karaoke contest with "Sweet Caroline" but I could be wrong. I'll write more about the night after +1 uploads her pictures and I'm able to carefully reflect on the evening's happenings. For now, I think it's safe to assume our party looked not unlike the local high school prom, which looked not unlike a dream I once had about me and Bishop Don Magic Juan attending the local Players Ball.*


*Thanks to BearMeat, purveyors of all things Waco.

Half Way There

I was going to save this for tomorrow but people need time to learn the words if they're going to help me sing at Scruff's. Like I mentioned below, Wednesday is the middle of the quarter; if you're a summer starter and this is your fifth, this song is for you.

The song is to the tune of Bon Jovi's, "Living on a Prayer." I've included the music video in case you're the only person in the world who doesn't know the words.



We all used to brief round the clock
Then 1Q grades came out
Counselor beat us up . . . its tough, so tough.
TJ works the lounge all day
While Thomas looks at cats, he makes people say,
Awkward - awkward.

They say we've got to hold on to what we've got
Grades won't make a difference
If we make it or not
We'll have a JD and that's enough
For us - we'll give it a shot.

Chorus:
Whooah, we're half way there
Woah, livin on a prayer
Don't fail out and we'll make it - I
Swear
Woah, livin on a prayer

BC used debate round the clock
Space Camp taught him well, got used to be being made fun of- fun of.
Swanburg thought of running away
When Counselor kicked him out
Swanburg whimpers, but it’s the first day, first day.

We've got to hold on to what we've got
Grades won't make a difference
If we make it or not
We'll have a JD and that's enough
For us - we'll give it a shot.

Chorus

We've got to hold on ready or not
With PC ahead today's all that we've got

Chorus.

__
And yea, two Prof. CivPro references are excessive and yea his name is intentionally misspelled to protect the innocent. Feel free to change the words if you think you can do better.

Looking Ahead

Tomorrow is both Immunity Day at the Lake Brazos Steakhouse and the middle of the quarter. As the e-mail says:

For new summer starters - Immunity Party is an event SBA holds where the
following day you will be able to have immunity from class. Which means you will not be called on. You have to buy the immunity in advance; the proceeds go to a charity.

For the upper quarters looking forward to the event, I have it on good authority that the riverboat portion has been canceled due to high water. There will still be cards, and karaoke. For the 1Q wondering what not to do, I refer you to my first immunity day.

T-shirts, and immunity will be on sale again tomorrow. Buy them both and help fight the war on terror.

Water Parks

Schlitterbahn was fun, the Master Blaster was neat, and I feel more Texan having been -- but did you know Waco has its own Water Park?

Lookin' for a splashin' good time? Look no further! Just in time for the sizzlin' summer, the coolest spot in town is the Waco Water Park.

Right in the heart of Waco Riverbend Park, this new state-of-the-art water park is a complete water adventure for people of all ages! Indulge in two pools, water-shooting playscapes, a 22-foot slide, zero depth pool and more. The kids will love the many interactive toys, as well as the competition pool. Adults can enjoy water aerobics at the water park.

Shade umbrellas, trees, and lounge areas provide a break from the water, while the main building is equipped with locker rooms, showers, restrooms and a concession stand.

The Waco Water Park sits along the convergence of the Brazos and Bosque Rivers within natural landscaping. Come enjoy the Waco Water Park!

And in case anyone from SBA cares, the whole place can be rented from 7:30 p.m. - 12 a.m. for next to nothing: $400 for 2 hours and $50 per additional hour.

Waco We Do!

BizOrg I

Schlitterbahn was fun, San Antonio was nice and the BizOrg grades look more like two humps than a bell curve.

A 6
A- 11
B+ 19
B 7
B- 13
C+ 10
C 8
D 4
F 2

2.833 (Updated)

Coincidentally, last time I mentioned two-hump-anything was this post.

Since I'll be at Schlitterbahn This Weekend

Here's something to keep you entertained while I'm gone. Sure it's a video of Lee singing, sure you can make fun of him for messing up the last part of his "signature song," sure you can not care and go back watching porn or - in the case of Thomas - cats.



That's not why I'm putting this up.

There is an anonymous verbal request at 1:05 and I want you to play, "Guess That Voice." I know who the voice is, not necessarily because of the tone or inflection . . . it's just the words alone. That's kind of how the person shows appreciation, or you know, says hello.



In case that game wasn't fun, here's a video of someone that may or may not be Chicago, possibly not singing Paradise by the Dashboard at Scruff's. To be fair though, if I wasn't on hand to see the full seven minute performance live, I might have thought this was Meatloaf himself doing the World's greatest Chicago impersonation . . . ever.