Prof. LARC: 2 Swanburg: 0
I knew it was going to be a rough day when 30 minutes into a CrimLaw marathon I realized I had forgotten to put on underwear and had no recollection of actually driving to school.
I signed up to donate blood at 3:30, figuring I’d allow ample time to lower my B.A.C. back to legal limits before poisoning the eventual recipient . . . but I shirked.
I truly had every intention of donating and I’m not normally one to back out of obligations but my name was precariously omitted from Prof. LARC’s Immunity List.
Prof. LARC: Mr. Swanburg, tell me about Graham
Me: I don’t mean to be rude but I thought I was immune.
Prof. LARC: You’re not on my list.
Me: I signed up to give two pints of blood just so you wouldn’t talk to me today.
Prof LARC: That’s nice, tell me about Graham.
Me: But I’m hung over, can we do this another time?
Prof: Novel idea but no.
Me: Based on my previous claims I respectfully diseent from answering.
Prof LARC: And I respectfully don't care.
Me: Now I’m totally not going to donate my blood.
Prof LARC: And I thought you were just selfless.
Me: Fine, let’s do this. Which case are we talking about?
Prof LARC: Graham
Me: Is this the case where he says, “Bitch, you don’t know me.”
Prof. LARC: Not a good start Mr. Swanburg.
I didn’t actually say the “Bitch you don’t know me” part but I wanted to. It was in one of the cases and I probably could have gotten away with it, but I didn’t, so we will never know.
Forcing an individual to stand and tease out the intricacies of criminally negligent homicide is cool but not on Immunity Day and not when the individual is me. I was experiencing the shakes and sweats of “tea and coffee” withdrawal and it was one of the more miserable events of my life. If the school is going to send me to an establishment where they serve beer in mason jars they can’t reasonably expect me to stand up the next day.
Prof. LARC has summoned me to her office at 3 pm tomorrow seeking third party evidence of my alleged immunity. I’ll hope for the best, anticipating the worst.
posted by Jon Swanburg @ 5:45 PM
7 comments
7 Comments:
It might be dangerous to publicly admit that you don't remember driving to class. People might think less of you...oh wait, you probably took care of that last night.
I'm clearly using the rhetorical device of hyperbole to accentuate my points.
To clarify, I am a very safe driver and I am never one to drink and drive.
Also, I still like Prof. LARC and hold nothing against her. She is funny and she manages to maintain a healthy balance of authority and humor.
Like today when she kicked out a girl for being late even though her excuse was passing out while giving blood. Strict but funny at the same time.
But don't pretend like you remember anything about last night Haley, you were totally "that girl"
whatever. i remember things...selectively. like you being a creepy drunk.
***BODYSLAMMMMMM***
It's a shame you don't remember much...you were amusing. Also, clearly you're not lying about your lack of memory, since every time I see you in the hall, you look at me with no recollection, even though we met that night. Excellent immunity day. My hat's off to you.
You could say 'hi'. Maybe I'm the shy, timid type that's afraid to approach a girl or maybe I didn't see you. Maybe I saw you and I thought you forgot me. Either way, if 'amusing' is akin to retarded then I apologize. Appropriate actions tend to escape me.
hahaha, not remembering the girls you hit on totally kills your follow-through.
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