American Idol Comes to Scruffies

The binder at Scruff’s contained a great deal of country music, but was seriously lacking in both pop and hip hop. They had neither of my two songs and I was consequently perturbed. I usually start the night with a lot of shots and then move into a rousing rendition of “She Fucking Hates Me” by Puddle of Mud. When the ladies start to scream and throw garments designed to cover their nether regions, I move into Sir Mix-A-Lot’s, “Baby Got Back.”

There was no booty dancing or garment throwing during the 1Q less-than-stellar performance of “Summer Nights” BUT there was an octogenarian that inappropriately decided to join us on stage. He hogged the microphone and ruined everything I had planned. The playbook had me doing the Harlem Shake while the girls were singing and a slightly modified Macarena during the rest. The grand finale was supposed to be elaborate. I was to barrel roll off the stage and land in a crouching position. From the crouching position, I was instructed to throw my arms and head to the sky all while keeping the stoic look of determination emblazoned upon my face. The old guy fucked everything up and none of it went down. He destroyed the moment and for that I can’t forgive.

A potentially epic battle of the blogs is upon us. If I’m properly reading the schedule, FromMalibutoWaco faces off against SotheBearSays in law league softball tonight at 7.

In an effort to improve team performance and morale, management has suggested switching from beer to malt liquor.

Update to follow.