The Clean Version

Girl: Hey, my friends and I are leaving; by any chance do you want to come?
Me: Where you going?
Girl: Collins.
Me: Collins as in the place I’ve dreamed of sleeping since I discovered its existence?
Girl: Um. . . .
Me: Collins as in Baylor’s most coveted freshman female dorm?
Girl: Yea.
Me: Isn’t that against the rules?
Girl: Only if you get caught.

(long thoughtful pause)

Me: I can’t. I’d love to but I can’t.
Girl: Why? Do you have a girlfriend?
Me: No, but I live here and I can’t just leave.
Girl: You live here? I thought some law student lived here.
Me: Um. . .
Girl: I thought you said you were a freshman?
Me: No. I said I was a first year double majoring in the Dark Arts and Latin.
Girl: Oh
Me: Yea.
Girl: This place is really nice, thanks for inviting us.
Me: Inviting is a strong word but I’m glad you came.

I’m forced to omit tons of great details but it was an interesting night.

Unfortunately, intermingling law students and undergrads rarely goes well; especially when people start using law jokes. i.e. “This is like a huge 12(b)(7) violation for inappropriate joinder of parties.”

And when the undergrads would start acting like undergrads I’d hear,

“Is Haley T. going to have to choke a bitch?”**

And that’s that. No more Friday night parties until after finals. But seriously, it’s not everyday that your neighbors and 100 of their closest friends decide to drop by.


**Fortunately, Haley never acually choked anyone.

Blogging Bad Boys Beware

This is Prof. Osler’s thing but I thought it was kind of interesting.

N.Y. Proposal Would Designate Lawyer Blogs as Advertising

“The storm was set off by a proposal that "computer-accessed communications" such as blogs be included in New York’s definition of legal advertising, and therefore require state scrutiny. The proposal, by a committee created by the state’s Administrative Board of Courts, also suggests the state code of professional responsibility extend court jurisdiction to out-of-state legal advertising that appears in New York.”

And since it’s Haiku Friday:

Poor little law firm
Please advertise somewhere else;
They don’t want your blog.

By Official Mandate

Haiku on Friday
Because Osler says it’s so;
I’m just a lemming.

It's Not the Nobel Prize but. . .

The FromMalibuToWaco Award for Excellence goes to Prof Property.

I posed several questions in yesterday’s post and Prof. Property actually answered them. She printed out the questions, brought them to class, and answered them; even the one about the goat. And she didn’t stop there.

She responded to the commentators who questioned her leniency on a student that arrived late by saying,
“Some of you may have noticed we had a prospective student visiting yesterday. I was trying to be on my best behavior. From now on, if I’m standing at the podium and you are not in your seat, you will not be allowed to stay.”

She even joked about the comment that inferred she was a witch.

Although this award is primarily for citing my blog as part of her pre-class preparatory reading, it’s also in recognition of the fact she manages to combine funny, scary, and helpful into one, little, concise package.

Congratulations on being the first recipient of this most coveted award.

Poor Prof. Property

Before beginning her homily on vested and contingent remainders, she asked the class to bear with her and avoid asking questions.

She posed this basic hypothetical: “A conveys Blackacre to B for life, then to C’s children”

Since we weren’t allowed to ask in class, here is a highly abbreviated list of the somewhat appropriate questions, I heard students asking each other in the hall:

1) “What if C was a surrogate mother?”
2) “What if C conceived a child that died a week before birth?”
3) “What if C had a child that died one week after birth but before B died?”
4) “What if B dies while C has no kids and a month later C discovers he has a son from a one night stand 15 years prior?”
5) “If the hypothetical used the word “kids” rather than “children”, would baby goats apply?”

Those are just some of the real questions asked by real students. The goat question is proof of that. I certainly wouldn’t have known a baby goat was called a kid unless Mark . . . umm I mean, someone else mentioned it.

So good call on the no questions in class, but seriously I’m kind of curious about number 4.

And in case you were wondering the answer to the primary hypo:
If C has no children when the initial transaction occurs, C’s not-yet-existent children have a contingent remainder in fee simple absolute, while A has a reversion in fee simple absolute.

If C has a kid named D, D gets a vested remainder subject to open in fee simple absolute and when B dies, D is riding dirty with his fee simple absolute.

And to help you remember today’s lesson:

“Property 9 – 27 – 06”

Any time you have
A contingent remainder;
Reversion in O.

So I'm Not Retarded?

Following the pomp and circumstance of being initiated into the Baylor Law Chapter of Phi Alpha Delta, I had my individual exam review with Prof. CivPro. Like a wounded gazelle seeking help in a lions den, I cautiously entered the office.

I talked he listened, he talked, I listened, and after all was said and done, we became best friends. Although no hugs were exchanged, he was nicer than he's ever been. Whether he’ll continue to avoid acknowledging my existence outside of class remains to be seen but I’ve witnessed the softer side of CivPro and live to blog about it.

In unrelated news:

1) Although incredibly difficult, it’s not impossible for someone to be kicked out of LARC II as evidenced by today’s expulsion.

2) For the P.A.D. initiation I was told to wear courtroom attire. In celebration of autumn I picked a tan suit, earth toned shirt, a tie that reminded me of northeastern foliage, and a pair of matching sunglasses.

I was fortunate not to see Profs. Osler or Simpson.

Because I Should Be Outlining

You know the HEB on 12th and Speight? Well I was there around 10:30 last night and some tool bag tried to steal my car. The story itself isn’t really all that interesting. I intelligently left my top down, went inside for 4 minutes, and as I was standing in line, my alarm started going off. I ran outside and homeboy sprinted away. I believe he got away with 50 cents and a pack of gum.

After that I went home and “made friends” with the neighbors. (Details omitted by censors.)

Seriously though, if not for my pledge to keep things appropriate, this would have been my best post EVER.

I will say that I had this conversation with one of my new 18 year-old friends:

Girl: Do you know William Jeremey Counsellor?
Me: I've had him as a teacher, but who really knows the WJC?
Girl: Yea, I met him once and he seemed really cute and nice.
Me: Yea, he's a sweetheart.

And for my NY and LA friends who ask me what it's like to live in Waco, Texas. I was driving my car to the library this morning when I was stopped at the light on University Parks and La Salle. I took the picture with my cell phone.





In case you were wondering, that’s a horse crossing the road.

Update: I'm 100% Right

I awoke around 11 to discover our friends Meatball and Ashtray are no more. Their noble attempt at blogging PC lasted a mere 1 ½ days. However, in their brief time I learned:

- Someone dropped out of law school on the first day of PC.
- You get memos for playing ping pong.
- 1-800-LAWYER signs are illegal.
- Blogging and PC are a terrible combination.

The blog’s quick, painful death only adds to the enigma surrounding the beast.

I Was 50% Right

After 24 hours, Baylor’s newest blogging team is down to one. Although, I think lines were far from crossed by either of Ash tray’s two posts, blogging about PC is a scary prospect.

Mr. Meatball, I wish you the best of luck and I truly hope you don’t give it up.

Quote of The Week

“Forgive me for drinking in class. I killed my voice back in 1985 when I was singing backup for Sting. At least I think it was Sting . . . at least . . .well, at least I think they told me it was Sting.” - Prof. Contracts

Kerry You Old Roué

Possible captions:

“Senator Kerry indulges in two 17-year old girls and what he believes to be a device for penile enhancement.”

“After reading FromMalibuToWaco, Senator Kerry longs for his days as a law student.”

“It’s ok John . . . two 4s make an 8.”

“I’d love to my dear but your friend on my left is busy earning her beads.”

“Disregard the embonpoint, and you remind me of a young Lindsay Lohan.”

“Kerry discovers a weapon of mass destruction and apparently enjoys it.”

This Just In

The Baylor blogging community has added another one.

http://meatballsandashes.blogspot.com/

This was the likely conversation:
Meatball: This sucks.
Ashtray: You want to commit suicide?
Meatball: Totally.

And the blog was born.

Apparently the writers’ goal is to cover all that is PC. We here at FromMalibuToWaco wish you the best of luck in your lofty endeavor. If Steve Irwin went to Baylor Law, this is the blog he’d write. Just remember to smile when you stick your head in the Tigers mouth, and watch out for the stingrays.

This will either be entertaining or the shortest lived blog in Baylor history.

We can only wait and see.

Phi Alpha Delta Inititation

If you're like me and always dreamed of being in Phi Alpha Delta, now is your chance. If you're interested, contact Lewis Giles at the e-mail below.

Hello Everyone

We will be having our first initiation ceremony of the 2006-2207 school year on Tuesday, September 26th at 4:00 in Room 236. The ceremony will take about 30-45 minutes and afterwards we will go over to Treff’s to relax. Court room attire is required. You will need to have paid both your International and local dues prior to the initiation.

If you have any questions, let me know.

Fraternally,

Lewis Giles
PAD Chapter Justice, R.E.B. Baylor
lewis@the-giles-family.com

What Would SoTheBearSays Do?

I’m replacing the sex, drugs and rock & roll with haiku. Feel free to add your own. 5, 7, 5 on the syllables, must be law school related.

LARC II

In the library
Searching aimlessly for books;
Thank God for Lexis.

Contracts I:

The shirt says Nepal
The hair announces rock star;
Ceaseless energy.

Property I:

Where are you Thomas
You are the star of the show;
Stand up when you speak.

Torts II:

Sit down when you speak
I seem to know your first names;
Killing with kindness.

CivPro

I’m such a badass
I invented the Northstar;
Don’t hate the player.

LARC I

By far the best dressed
Once killed a man with her hands;
Please don’t call on me.

Torts I

That’s interesting
Can I get your opinion?
You’re almost correct.

CrimLaw

Pack yourself a lunch
Tell your friends not to wait up;
It will be awhile

I'm So Sorry

After today’s CivPro review, I’m not sure what to think. He forced me to ask myself several questions, none of which I currently have definitive answers to.

1) Why am I at law school?
2) Did I study hard enough?
3) Will being a lawyer make me happy, or will I be part of the 20% that develop a drug or alcohol problem?
4) What would I do if I wasn’t in law school?
5) Is this blog unfairly ruining my classmates’ reputations?

The only one I’m confident answering is the last. Hearing the class generalized, in the least favorable light, leads me to believe I’ve done more harm than good. My classmates are some of the hardest working people I know and to hear them criticized for drinking every night and focusing too much on intramural sports makes me feel like the shittiest person in the world.

I never intended to do that to any of you. I’m so sorry.

I know how bad many of you want to succeed and I’m not so selfish as to believe I can continue including you in my writing. I don’t blame myself for the class grades, we apparently got more than we deserved. I simply feel responsible for taking away from your efforts.

I know a couple of people after class mentioned they felt like Prof. CivPro was talking to me during his lecture; my only fear is that he wasn’t. I realize I tend to use a lot of hyperboles but I always naively assumed that by speaking in generalities I’d hide the few guilty amongst the masses of innocent.

I’m constantly using phrases like, “a 2Q” or “a group of 2Qs” not realizing I’m implicating the entire class. I realize how hard everyone works and I am so sorry I’ve taken that away from you.

If I can figure out a way to keep the blog appropriate, yet entertaining, I’ll continue to write. If not, I’ll be forced to find a new hobby.

The Legend Continues

Based on today’s events, I’m guessing Profs. CivPro and Property had a little conversation that went something like this:

Prof. CivPro: I hear your stealing my pedagogy. That’s a brave move.
Prof. Property: But I’m not. . .
Prof. CivPro: Look, I don’t know what they told you but I’m the badass around these parts.
Prof. Property: But I. . .
Prof. CivPro: How many have you kicked out? 5 maybe 10?
Prof. Property: I don’t know, I. . .
Prof. CivPro: Well I got three syllables for you. . .Gen-O-Cide.
Prof. Property: What ar. . .
Prof. CivPro: They’re all going down. Just you wait . . . .

And with that, the 1Q’s fates were sealed. They were all kicked out. Every last one of them; left wandering the hallowed halls shocked, scared and confused.

Tomorrow is the 2Q CivPro exam review and I’m honestly quite scared.

It all started last Thursday

. . . that was the first day we were allowed to use computers in Property. The room was abuzz with humming hard drives and clinking keys until two minutes into class:

Prof Property: Mr. Thomas.
Thomas: Yes.
Prof. Property: Tell me about the case.
Thomas: It was a partition suit between. . .
Prof. Property: Is that a brief or notes?
Thomas: I guess just notes.
Prof. Property: I’ll see you tomorrow.

As Thomas prepared to depart, Prof. Property summoned the girl to Thomas’ left. She was given permission to sit and speak until Thomas had finished his packing as to not interfere with his progress.

I loved it.

Thomas was stood up again on Friday. The Prof. checked his brief, congratulated him, and allowed him to speak. When he would get stuck, Mr. Swanburg was called to his rescue.

I loved that too.

Today’s class, Thomas was once again called to action. This time she tried tricking him in the same way you’d trick an infant that doesn’t want to go to sleep. It worked like a charm.

Prof. Property: Since you have been so helpful the last couple of days, today you are going to be the star of our hypos.
Thomas: (smiling from ear to ear)
Prof: Property: Mr. Thomas please stand and tell us what would happen if you conveyed to Mr. Swanburg. . . .

No longer feeling like a star, Thomas proceeded to say my name over and over again, while Prof. Property asked questions like, “What if Mr. Swanburg planned on bringing little children down to the pond to water ski?”

Although I came across like the director of Neverland Ranch, Thomas answered the questions, and made an effort at sitting.

Prof. Property: Mr. Thomas, you did so well with those can you please stand up again and tell us about the case.
Thomas: Well. . .
Prof. Property: Do you have a brief?
Thomas: Still got it.
Prof. Property: Terrific. I’m glad I have sufficiently scared you into doing your work. Now please, continue to enlighten us.

Sometimes that class makes me so happy, I forget she isn't just doing it for my own delectation.

0 - 2

After tonight’s loss to the other team of 3Q’s, we remain winless. I fear if I say anything more my teammates will beat me. Consequently, I’m relegating myself to the cheering section for the remainder of the season.

Apparently I’ve become content with losing. I’m like the proud parent of a one legged little leaguer. I get more satisfaction watching bad players having a good time then watching good players get overly frustrated. For the second week in a row there was almost a fight, and this week it seemed like people spent more time getting pissed and less time laughing.

Towards the end of the game a girl wanted to be put in and I was more than willing to let her, unfortunately we were down by 6 with 4 minutes to play. As I called to sub her in, my decision was overruled.

Pretty soon we were down by 9 with 3 minutes to play and she reiterated the fact she wanted to go in. As she stood on the sideline eagerly waiting, I didn’t have the heart to tell her I couldn’t make it happen.

I’m competitive don’t get me wrong, I just prefer to pick my battles. I’m the worst basketball player ever, and don’t pride myself enough in the event to care whether or not I win or lose. I certainly don’t care enough to fight classmates over a call.

Since an apathetic player is much worse than no player at all, it’s with great sadness and a heavy heart that I announce my retirement from Law League basketball.

In Case You Missed It

Last night was fun, as confirmed by the impressive number of females who left their clothes and inhibitions somewhere on my bedroom floor. The story may or may not be sexual, but that’s neither here nor there.

Thankfully for me, the paparazzi were on hand to capture everyone’s favorite 1Q keeping it so real. Based on these pictures I’m pretty sure this was the conversation:

1Q Girl: I just funneled a beer.
1Q Guy: Oh yea, well I can funnel Mad Dog 20/20.
1Q Girl: 1: Anyone can do that.
1Q Guy: Yea, but could anyone do it naked?

Throw in some swimming and that’s how it went down. And although I do have these pictures in my possession, the content is totally unsuitable for public display.

If you were here last night, check your pockets. The little black electronic key to the billiard / workout room has gone missing. It’s an unassuming piece of plastic that would be easy to forget about. Also, if you have any of my clothes, feel free to return them whenever.

Now it’s time to study. Maybe.

The Last Vestige of 1Q

In case you forgot what fun looks like, check out this CivPro distribution.

1 A
2 A-
7 B
4 B-
5 C
6 D
2 F

Ok, maybe not fun but certainly cause for a drink or two.

What’s that you say blog? I should study more and drink less?

Well my dear, I may not know all the Civil Procedure that was intended but like Prof. CivPro always said, “If your ship is sinking, tell everyone to get on board and bring them down with you.”

On that note, the party Haley is having at my house is still on, with the caveat grades aren’t to be discussed. If you tell someone your grade or ask what they got, you will be forced to have a shot of the strongest liquor I can find. If you aren’t doing anything tonight feel free to stop bye. Everyone but Prof. CivPro is invited. Nothing against you personally, it’s just . . . well you know . . . it would be kind of awkward.

Maybe im not the best blogger. . .

. . . but I know a story when I see one.

Summer 06 CivPro distribution:

1 A
2 A-
7 B
4 B-
5 C
6 D
2 F

Baylor Law, where fun crawls into an unmarked grave. Durring the dead of winter. At Blackacre plantation.

Law Buddy Social

Law Buddy was fun but don’t tease me by saying there will be karaoke if the list is going to be four pages long and highlighted by the likes of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and Old McDonald. To add insult to injury the Fisher-Price inspired sound system forced performers to either yell or remain unheard. Although many revelers attempted, the real singing didn’t go down until Scruff’s.

I paced myself with the drinks, and watched those around me get tanked. Starting any party at 7 turns the remainder of the night into an endurance event. Congratulations to those that made it to last call, and my condolences to those who fell short. There’s always Immunity Day.

Besides drinking, and karaoke, Law Buddy is all about advice and of all the advice I heard given out last night, none was better than this:

1Q: I can’t go out after this I have to finish my CivPro.
Law Buddy: That’s bullshit, have some more drinks and relax.
1Q: But I really have to do my CivPro, I haven’t even started.
Law Buddy: In case you haven’t already noticed, you don’t do CivPro, CivPro does you. Now what can I get you to drink?

In the case you don’t like your law buddy, I’m filled with all sorts of equally bad advice and love giving it out. Feel free to ask.

Anyway, people left Buzzard Billy’s around 10:15 and headed over to Scruff’s. Some would say that’s where the magic happened. Thomas rocked the after party like a young, white, poorly dressed, P-Diddy, and upper quarters were gracious enough to continue imparting wisdom.

For example I asked a girl her name and four minutes later I was being strongly encouraged to attend law school in Croatia and run for SBA President when the opportunity presents itself.

Good times were had by all.

Rough Start

Professor: Are you OK?
Me: Yea, I just spent 7 and half hours drinking last night.
Professor: So you’re hung over?
Me: No, I’m exhausted.

And after that conversation it’s time for me to take a nap before Contracts. I’ll blog the important stuff later.

Because Law Buddies are Forever and the Music Never Ends

Tonight is Law Buddy Social and this time it isn’t just about the free food. Karaoke will be sung, and drinks will be drunk. I can’t tell you how excited I am. For those not in the know, I’ll be at Buzzard Billy’s from 7 – 10, followed by Scruffy Murphy’s indefinitely thereafter.

For those who’ve never seen Thomas perform, you can expect a whole lot of this:

If you don’t want to karaoke you should still show up and exchange free drinks / outlines for friendship.

As an aside, my blog has unfortunately overqualified me to become a Student Ambassador. That’s not exactly what administration said, but I know that’s what they meant. And although I do love this school and have nothing but good things to say about it, I certainly understand that there are myriads of more appropriate candidates for the job.

Anyway, expect the full commentary on everything law buddy by sometime tomorrow.

Disclaimer
***It’s been brought to my attention, that the post discussing my stalker referenced underage people drinking at my humble abode. I’d like to recant my joke. The undergrads didn’t bring any alcohol and I didn’t serve them. The people who drank were all of legal age.***

This Means War

Law League Softball has been temporarily canceled as the result of undergrad subterfuge. The frat-tastic folks at the institution across the way pulled a quick one by block scheduling the fields until the end of October.

If the good people of the SBA can’t find replacement fields, I recommend we put the softball money towards bowling.

If we can’t put the money towards bowling, I say we put the money towards a photographer . . . particularly one capable of capturing our underage counterparts in the prime of their binge drinking glory. I’ll be in charge of anonymously delivering the pictures to the student disciplinary committee and voilà, the fields are ours.

As cruel as it may sound, we here at Baylor Law don’t take kindly to criminals; especially when they interfere with our intramural sports.

So Close Yet So Far

The 3Q’s beat us in overtime but we didn’t go down without a fight . . . ok, maybe not a fight but definitely a skirmish. As the first half came to an end, a remarkably skilled 2Q started down the court on a fast break. As he went for the lay up, a player wearing only socks went in for the block.

These weren’t special basketball socks or anything, just your basic white tube socks. Anyway, if you’ve ever seen Risky Business you know what happens when you mix hard floors and tube socks. Either my teammate failed to equate Tom Cruise to a fully clothed 3Q or simply hadn’t seen Risky Business because the sliding led to contact, and the contact led to a very disgruntled 2Q.

When the pushing and yelling ensued, I hid behind Haley. No punches were thrown and the game proceeded cleanly there after.

Thomas most certainly had the play of the game if not the play of the season. The same person that decided to wear hot pants to softball decides to wear XL tear away pants for basketball. Somehow the genius gets the ball and proceeds to dribble twice, not realizing his pants have fallen past his ass. With a look of stoic determination, my curly haired comrade took two awkward, yet speedy steps towards the lane.

I’ve never seen someone fall so fast or so hard.

The next thing you know he is flat on his face with his pants around his knees screaming for his mother. As Thomas’ recumbent figure lied sprawled, wiggling on the floor, the Gheorghe Muresan of Law League added some salt to the gaping wound by jumping over him to pick up the ball and slam it.

My team never fully recovered from the incident. When I was done pissing myself the game was over and we’d lost. For those keeping score at home, the 2Q’s intramural record is a tidy
0 - 4.

Game Day

Today’s a huge day for sports. Besides the first week of the NFL regular season, and the Roddick v. Federer US Open Final, be on the lookout for the 2006 Visa Championship in gymnastics, and the start of Law League Basketball.

That’s right ladies and gentleman, Law League Basketball starts tonight and the tension in the air is palpable. The 2Q’s are matching up against a squad of 3Q’s in what is likely to be an unremarkable display of athleticism and coordination.

Games will be played at both 8 and 9pm in the Russell Gym, be there or be square.

If I were a betting man, I’d put my money on the 1Q’s. What they lack in law league experience, they make up for with two of the biggest redheads I’ve ever seen plus a girl who happened to play basketball and volleyball for UCLA. If you haven’t yet paid her to not embarrass you like I have, I’d do that quickly.

In other news, here’s to the newest member of the Baylor blogging community. He’s smart, funny, and most importantly. . . a professor. We can only hope Prof. CivPro follows suit.

HOORAY BEER

I don’t know if it’s the location of my apartment or the fact I have a blog, but strangers can’t seem to get enough of my parties. This may sound weird or unbelievable, but the story I’m about to tell is entirely, 100% true.

Last night I invited some people over to pre-game. After getting my ass handed to me in both beer pong and pool, I relegated myself to the couch where I engaged in a bout of serious drinking and virtual ping pong.

Things were going poorly. It got to the point where I was yelling profanities at the television, and throwing beer cans at my competitor. But just when I thought life was no longer worth living, the good Lord intervened:

Competitor: Swanburg?
Me: SPIT SHINE MY SPECULUM YOU STUPID C**K S*&K%R!!!!!
Competitor: I think your undergrads are here.
Me: Huh? I didn’t invite any undergrads.
(Pause)
Female Voice: Who is the guy that lives here?
Me: (turning around) Umm, I do.

Like manna from heaven, I was sent four, alcohol toting undergrads ranging in age from 18 – 20.

After exchanging some introductions and discovering them to be my neighbors:

Me: It takes some balls to walk into a stranger’s house.
Girl 1: Yea, we are pretty drunk. So what year are you?
Me: First year.
Girl 1: Really. . .ME TOO!!!
Me: Don’t they make freshman live on campus?
Girl 1: Yea, but I go to MCC.

This is when things start getting good:

Girl 1: We see you every day on your computer when we go to the pool. Do you ever notice us?
Me: Um. . .
Girl 1: I usually walk back and forth 5 or 6 times trying to get your attention.
Me: Um. . .I guess next time you can knock on my window.
Girl 1: Yea, I’ll do that. Let’s go to the Sigma Chi camo party.
Me: I can’t. You see, all these people here are in law school, and it’s poor form for us to go to frat parties.
Girl 1: So all of ya’ll are old?
Me: Most of us are 22.
Girl 1: Well that’s not that bad. I just turned 18.
Me: Happy birthday.
Girl 1: Thank you!!!! We are going to the camo party but we live in 735. Now we aren’t strangers so you can come over whenever you want.
Me: Ok, have fun, thanks for stopping by.

And with that they were gone.

Cheers to the fine young ladies of 735. We here at FromMalibuToWaco will continue to blog, as long as you continue to watch.

Because Someone Cares

I don’t know how this happened but apparently I’m slipping. A Baylor rumor has come and gone and I was the last to know. I’ll report on the incident ex pos facto in case things change but unless there is a scurrilous sex tape involved, this story is going nowhere fast.

Apparently there was some concern about the Torts grades that were posted yesterday. Prof. Torts I if you will recall was a visiting professor that is no longer with us. Also, if you will recall, the class involved a Mean Joe Greene trial that was to be somehow factored into the grades.

Word in the halls was that Prof Torts I had sent a list of student names back to the administration accompanied by a raw score. The lack of blind grading wasn’t the main concern compared to the belief administration had somehow assigned grades to correspond to the numbers.

Administration admits that Prof. Torts did in fact send over a list of student names and numbers but claims to have sent them back so she could assign the letter grades herself. Administration also requested the tests be shipped back along with a breakdown of the grades.

So yea. . .in other equally boring news, the Facebook riot ended peacefully, week three of law school is over, and Prof. Contracts kindly canceled today’s class.

Thankfully for the staff at FromMalibutoWaco, with intramural basketball, softball, and law buddy social on the horizon, week four will likely write itself.

Until then, enjoy your weekend and try to have as much fun as this guy.

And since I'm in the business of doing more harm than good. Here is a website with a whole bunch of old Baylor Law outlines from someone that may or may not have failed out.

Chaos Ensues

Since posting the update on the previous entry, the Facebook group “Students against Facebook News Feed (Official Petition to Facebook)” has swelled to over 400,000 people. That means the populations of Barbados, Iceland, The Bahamas, Maldives, Brunei, Malta and Wyoming have just been surpassed by a Facebook group in under two days time.

By this time tomorrow, I’m more than confident, Cape Verde, Guadeloupe, Suriname, Luxembourg, Macau SAR China, Djibouti, Solomon Islands, Equitorial Guinea, Cornoros, Bahrain, Guyana, Reunion, Cyprus, and Qatar will be left behind as well.

By population, “Students against Facebook News Feed (Official Petition to Facebook)” will be the world’s 157th largest country, and America’s 44th largest state.

A facelift hasn’t gone this wrong since the 1984 debacle that turned Michael Jackson into a white, carnival-loving, pederast.

Anyway, unlike wars, and world hunger, this seems like a pretty easy problem to solve.

It all started just a few short months ago when management refused to sell Facebook for the offered $750 million. Instead they decided to get $25 million from a group of venture capitalists in an effort to raise the company’s value to $2 billion. As the result, unwanted new features were born.

Anyway, Facebook has yet to comment on the disaster but I anticipate a correction by the end of the week. The feed won’t be gone, but there will be a privacy box that allows you to opt out if you so choose.

But you have to hand it to Facebook, not even Enron pissed off this many people so quickly.

I’m Watching You

Facebook has become a vade mecum of sorts for most college students and some professors. By providing a discreet forum for efficient stalking and social climbing, Facebook has changed the way people interact and has emerged as an essential part of daily life.

Today, the Baylor Law community was shocked, scared, and confused when they logged on to see the newest “facelift.” The newest features allow users to take stalking to a whole new perverse level with constant updates of every users’ every move.

For example:

The first thing I see is my friend from Pepperdine just started dating this girl that looks great in a bathing suit.

I become intrigued.

Based on all of their wall-to-wall interaction you’d think they were in love but he’s in the group that encourages promiscuous sex, while she is in the waiting till marriage group and her favorite quotes are all Psalms. At this point I was confused so I kept going. After some more research I discovered that she is drinking in a bunch of pictures and she has been writing all sorts of nasty things on her girlfriends’ walls. Based on all the evidence, I’ve determined beyond a reasonable doubt, that some girl I’ve never met is being tagged by a guy I hung out with three times as a sophomore.

But if everyone is a stalker none of us are.

UPDATE:

In under two days, over 270,000 people have joined a group to protest the newest feature.

To put it in perspective, that number of people is larger than the population of 51 countries, and is quickly looking to surpass the entire population of Wyoming. If the good people of Facebook don't do something soon, I expect nothing less than a hostile takeover.

Crikey!

To prove that acting like an idiot eventually catches up to us all, Steve Irwin, the famed retard / crocodile hunter, died today after being stabbed in the heart by a stingray.

That is all.

When In Doubt, ________________

Baylor lost its football season opener to the TCU Horn Frogs and I saw it all. If you didn’t care enough to go to the game yourself you probably don’t care enough to read about it. But before moving on, I must say the group of shirtless students spelling out “GOD IS ON OUR SIDE” across their chests was rather nice. Nothing says you're a good Christian like telling the other side “God hates you.”

Anyway, you will never believe this. I had some people over last night and a naked guy walks in. Making no efforts to cover himself, or explain his indiscretion, the young gentleman simply asked for a drink. Unfortunately for him, the stranger asked Haley. Using what she learned in Property, his ass was promptly and effectively removed.

By 4:30 in the morning the bath rug was covered in urine, the closet was filled with sand, the couch was unmercifully drooled upon and a good time was had by all.

And because I know you’re wondering . . . he was hung like a very cold, poorly endowed preteen.


So Happy Birthday to Schapper, and Happy Labor Day to All.

UPDATE:

Here is Haley's commentary on the event.

And Then There Were Two

FromMalibuToWaco now has a splash of Shreveport, Louisiana. Ladies and Gentlemen, let’s give a warm Baylor Law welcome to Mr. Bradley Thomas.

Mr. Thomas is a fellow 2Q and short-time friend. As a curly-haired, un-athletic, karaoke king with a passion for video games, cats, coloring books, and the Lion King, B-Rad Thomas will be an awkward yet fruitful addition to the staff here at FromMalibuToWaco. What exactly he’ll be adding remains to be seen but it will certainly be different.

I’ve shed my ego for the sake of the readership; let’s see how this experiment in cooperation goes.

As a disclaimer, I may or may not agree with anything Thomas says. If he does or says something stupid, it’s his fault and his fault alone.

Welcome & Goodluck,

Swanburg

Westfest

It went a little something like this. . .

JHSwanburg: What up
bradzel777: nothing
bradzel777: seriously very little
JHSwanburg: That's pretty exciting
bradzel777: what are you doing
JHSwanburg: Watching a tv show about a family that has twins and sextuplets
bradzel777: genetics baby
JHSwanburg: Do you want to be added to the blog?
bradzel777: yeah

And that’s how I got my first job in the blogging business. In my mind, I consider myself as somewhat of an un-required supplement to Swanburg's casebook. I only hope that the anonymous posters are kind to me.

The coolest thing to happen this weekend (so far) was Westfest, Texas's annual Czech/Polka festival. I bet you are all wondering how something so seemingly unappealing could actually be a quality time. The answer to your inquiry cost 3$ a cup and was no longer sold after 12:15.

The attractions of Westfest included redneck arts and crafts, carnival rides, and a group of misfits that made up a Polka band. The lead singer of the Polka band had a striking resemblance to Prof. Contracts. Just picture Prof. Contracts wearing a funny hat. Now replace law genius with equal portions of "really excited about Polka". Also noteworthy was the sax player of the group. I can’t think of Baylor law professor to compare him to, so I will just post a picture of him.



Apparently being a total badass and having a love for polka are no longer mutually exclusive.

Speaking of badasses, Weber B and Swanburg both had the stones to ride on this spinning instrument of terror. Borchers and I were too big of wimps to get on, so I took pictures while Borchers held Weber B's purse.















-Thomas

What is in a Name?

Last quarter, our drinking team had a softball problem . . . this quarter it’s basketball. Preseason commentators have been speculating the 2Q’s are likely to be the worst team since the 72-73 Philadelphia 76ers and frankly I couldn’t agree more.

Since practice is clearly out of the question, a team name change is definitely in order.

I propose: “The Masochists” with the slogan, “Please Beat Us.”

Anyway, I haven’t thought much into the mascot or uniform . . . sorta . . . but the possibilities are endless.

If you don’t care what I name our basketball team and encyclopedic knowledge of blow up dolls is more your thing, here you go. You can thank me later.