HOORAY BEER
I don’t know if it’s the location of my apartment or the fact I have a blog, but strangers can’t seem to get enough of my parties. This may sound weird or unbelievable, but the story I’m about to tell is entirely, 100% true.
Last night I invited some people over to pre-game. After getting my ass handed to me in both beer pong and pool, I relegated myself to the couch where I engaged in a bout of serious drinking and virtual ping pong.
Things were going poorly. It got to the point where I was yelling profanities at the television, and throwing beer cans at my competitor. But just when I thought life was no longer worth living, the good Lord intervened:
Competitor: Swanburg?
Me: SPIT SHINE MY SPECULUM YOU STUPID C**K S*&K%R!!!!!
Competitor: I think your undergrads are here.
Me: Huh? I didn’t invite any undergrads.
(Pause)
Female Voice: Who is the guy that lives here?
Me: (turning around) Umm, I do.
Like manna from heaven, I was sent four, alcohol toting undergrads ranging in age from 18 – 20.
After exchanging some introductions and discovering them to be my neighbors:
Me: It takes some balls to walk into a stranger’s house.
Girl 1: Yea, we are pretty drunk. So what year are you?
Me: First year.
Girl 1: Really. . .ME TOO!!!
Me: Don’t they make freshman live on campus?
Girl 1: Yea, but I go to MCC.
This is when things start getting good:
Girl 1: We see you every day on your computer when we go to the pool. Do you ever notice us?
Me: Um. . .
Girl 1: I usually walk back and forth 5 or 6 times trying to get your attention.
Me: Um. . .I guess next time you can knock on my window.
Girl 1: Yea, I’ll do that. Let’s go to the Sigma Chi camo party.
Me: I can’t. You see, all these people here are in law school, and it’s poor form for us to go to frat parties.
Girl 1: So all of ya’ll are old?
Me: Most of us are 22.
Girl 1: Well that’s not that bad. I just turned 18.
Me: Happy birthday.
Girl 1: Thank you!!!! We are going to the camo party but we live in 735. Now we aren’t strangers so you can come over whenever you want.
Me: Ok, have fun, thanks for stopping by.
And with that they were gone.
Cheers to the fine young ladies of 735. We here at FromMalibuToWaco will continue to blog, as long as you continue to watch.
posted by Jon Swanburg @ 5:38 PM
10 comments
10 Comments:
So . . . in sum, they left your house very shortly after you attempted to speak to them??
On well, its a decent start.
Don't listen to that....Swanburg you're still a pimp in my book. Well, I guess almost a pimp since I guess 12:33 is right they did still leave the party. Pimp non the less.
Jon Swanburg is such a hot piece of ass!
He's got nothin' on Vic the Demon Pimp: http://oslersrazor.blogspot.com/
Thanks for helping the curve.
i can't believe you have a stalker...can a stalker have a stalker?? i don't know how that would work...who would follow who? and the reason everyone comes to your apt. is because, well, you never turn down a party...so its a guaranteed outcome.
i thought buxie was your stalker?
To clarify, they stayed for only about 15 minutes (14 minutes and 30 seconds longer than the naked guy).
7:44: Thanks for the link.
11:47: Thank you for thanking me.
Haley: Yes, yes and probably true
TJ: Buxie is a proficient stalker but never my own.
"This may sound weird or unbelievable, but the story I’m about to tell is entirely, 100% true."
A story about you losing at videogames and trying but failing to hook up with just-legal girls. . .
Lose the disclaimer Swanburg, we all believe you.
what were girl 2, girl 3, girl 4, etc doing? girl 1 was obviously the ringleader, have to keep an eye on her
Post a Comment
<< Home