The Bachelor Report #3

She escaped. Our beloved Alexis has freed herself from the manacle of oppression that is "The Bachelor" and it's for the below reasons I celebrate:

Reason #1: Andy is fiscally irresponsible.

On a military salary, Andy drives a $600,000 car and floats around on a multi-million dollar yacht. And in case you're wondering, the yacht is obviously his. I know this because he said things like, "Welcome to my yacht," "This is where I eat breakfasts," "It's nice having a hot tub on my yacht."

He'll likely wear an iced out grill to the third rose ceremony and reveal he wipes his ass with gold plated toilet paper; a statement to which their will be much applause.

Reason #2: Just after this picture was taken, Richard Simmons stormed into Saddle Ranch and told Andy this drink made him look gay.

Reason #3: The Other Girls are Retarded

Reason #4: Andy Lacks Basic Common Sense

I mean, sometimes I look at a picture and think, "I don't want to see her anymore" but that's not what I think when I see this picture. In fact, I don't have thoughts on this picture because, what's that phrase, "I only have so much blood in my body"?

And with that I conclude my coverage of The Bachelor. It's been fun.