CrimLaw Exam Review

I went to Prof. CrimLaw’s post-exam review with two thoughts. First, I assumed I’d be impressed with my expansive knowledge of material long since forgotten. Second, I assumed my test had been misgraded. Both assumptions turned out to be false.

My exam wasn’t bad so much as it wasn’t good. For what it’s worth I typed a lot of words, my grammar was respectable and I formatted my headings like a champ. No points were allotted for the above.

To my credit, Prof. CrimLaw was so impressed with my ¾ page dissertation on a subtlety that I received 2.5 rather than the allotted 2 points. I may have missed the remainder but my God it feels good to get those bonus points.

Baylor professors like to work in teams. Consequently we watched “The Paper Chase” in Contracts no more than two hours after finding out our grades for CrimLaw. It was depressing to say the least. If I’m not the guy who gets the A’s and sleeps with the Prof's. daughter, and I’m not the guy with the 880 page outline, that just leaves the guy who tries to kill himself and nobody wants to be that guy.

But hey, thanks for the free pizza.

A Moment of Silence for SoTheBearSays

I discovered SoTheBearSays about two months before making my decision to attend Baylor and I wouldn’t have been here without it. By chronicling the life of a Baylor law student, SoTheBearSays highlighted a perspective that went far beyond any viewbook or open house.

I was accepted into nine schools, all of which had their own selling points. Some sent me free shirts, travel vouchers, hand written letters etc. but after everything, I was still clueless about what to expect.

During my tour of Baylor, I asked what students do for fun. My guide told me all about the Cameron Park Zoo, the Dr. Pepper Museum and The Texas Sports Hall of Fame. Next I asked why Baylor was the bootcamp of law schools. She simply said it was difficult. I was thoroughly unimpressed. Had that been my only insight, I would have undoubtedly chosen somewhere else.

More importantly, SoTheBearSays has provided me with hours of entertainment and for that I must thank Mr. Fahrenthold. It has been a great run and you will certainly be missed.

A's Are Overrated

For those concerned about their first CrimLaw grade, keep a few things in mind.

1) It’s only worth 3 units.
2) You’re probably not retarded, regardless of what the test says.
3) Someone loves you.
4) Statistically speaking, we are just as likely to make Law Review as we are to become this guy.

Besides all of that, grades can only take you so far. A good lawyer knows the law, a great lawyer knows the judge.

They Mean What They Say

I’ve passed on the Waco Margarita and Salsa Festival in favor of Little Miss Sunshine. Although the movie was allegedly released everywhere on 7/26, it hadn’t reached Waco until yesterday. I haven’t been this excited in years.

I feel the need to clarify something. Prof. Property isn’t haphazardly kicking people out for shits and giggles. She has rules and as a class we have been breaking them left and right. The thing I don’t get is why.

Last quarter I was kicked out for showing up late, as did another girl, but nobody was ever kicked out for being unprepared. This is law school; you should do your homework.

Prof. Property has been the most prolific but every other professor has dealt with the same thing. Prof. Torts II gave someone the boot on Friday and Prof. Contracts designated a person as absent after an insufficient performance. Word on the streets is Prof. CivPro and LARC have also bounced a couple.

To be unprepared for the first week of class is bad. Knowingly not doing what the Professor expects is retarded.

Welcome to Baylor. Do your work, show up on time and turn off your cell phones. To quote a professor, “We aren’t capricious sons-of-a-bitch.”

I don’t know exactly what that means but it means something.

Getting kicked out of a single class may not affect your grade, but your mother will think less of you. I know mine did.

On a lighter note please read about K-Fed night, and his “amazing ass” GED score. Apparently he is smarter than your dog.

I Can Feel the Love Already

In order to make Baylor Law more familial, the new professors will be hosting meals to promote bonding and amicability amongst the 1L community.

As Prof. Property so eloquently stated:

“I encourage everyone to come to these events. I’ll be holding my lunches sometime on Tuesday afternoons and I promise I won’t try to kick anyone out. Just please don’t spit in my food.”

Only 3 days into the quarter and Haley's plans for revenge have been thwarted. Updates to follow.

Isn’t That What They Do at All Law Schools?

Day two of Property saw its second casualty. The famed commentator “Haley” was relieved of her seat in class today after only a few short minutes.

She started out well, and by well I mean it was clear she had read. Her book was filled with highlights, and the margins filled with extensive insights but when you’re on your feet mistakes happen.

After a few minutes things took a turn for the worse:
Prof. Property: Do you have a brief for the case?
Haley: Yea sort of.
Prof. Property: Can I see it?
Haley: (hands over a notebook)
Prof. Property: (reading to herself) This doesn’t appear to be in any form you’re expected to use. You’re unprepared, please pack your stuff.

I discovered later, Haley had shown her what can only be described as a comparative discourse between the case at hand and a note case.

Haley swallowed her words, packed her books and marched on out.

I like Prof. Property. Maybe it’s that she asks me easy questions, and does so with a smile or maybe it’s simply the fact she had the courage to kick out the scariest girl I’ve ever met. Either way I’ve gotten called on two days in a row and live to tell about it.

If the fun ended there the story wouldn’t be nearly as entertaining. For the second time in a row, the person who was kicked out of Property was also beaten in our next class an hour and a half later. Prof. Contracts gave Haley another castigation for good measure but allowed her to stay. It was apparent that Haley didn’t enjoy herself but I certainly did. There is nothing I like more than to watch Haley get mad. She’s so cute when she’s angry.

Because Law Students Should Never Sweat

There are a number of factors that go into great intramural athletics, not the least of which is alcohol. Although I have signed the 2Q’s up for Sunday night basketball, I’m dispirited to say the least.

I approached every softball game knowing the other team would score more runs and appear more athletic, but worried I was not. Knowing there were coolers of liquid courage sitting patiently in the dugout meant my teammates and I could avoid acknowledging our physical shortcomings by blaming the booze and pretending not to care.

With basketball, we have no excuse. Unlike softball, basketball requires both effort and athleticism. The 2Q’s posses neither.

As a solution . . . I propose bowling.

For 3 games with shoes it will cost about $8 – 10 / person. I’ve talked to Manager Jimmy and he is going to make sure we get $1 beers for two hours.

I haven’t had an idea this good in years.

And So We Begin

Irony was abounding in today’s season opener.

(1) I met a 1Q from NY, who happens to share my first name. The similarities don’t end there. Just moments into class I was called on to answer a question and moments later he was called on to answer a question. After admitting to not yet purchasing the Supplement, he was unceremoniously excommunicated from Property. The scene was eerily reminiscent of my first day of CivPro.

Following in the footsteps of many a great Baylor Professor, Prof. Property kicks out a student her first day on the job. Congratulations.

(2) Prof. Contracts created his own seating chart. To my left is homeboy from NY and to my right is a fellow Pepperdine Wave. Weird.

(3) Prof. Torts II is the opposite of scary. As the younger brother of a famed Baylor Professor / Executioner, Prof. Torts II was hyped as the next big thing in pain. Thankfully, the speculation was for not. You can sit when you speak and laughter is seemingly encouraged.

More importantly:

Baylor Law now has a chapter of Phi Alpha Delta and I’ve been asked to act as the Social Chair. Trouble and updates to follow.

Holla at a 2Q

Maturity is a state of mind quickly erased by handles of cheap booze. To celebrate the commencement of yet another quarter, law students of all shapes and sizes gathered like mere undergrads for what can only be described as sophomoric binge drinking.

I had a very good time.

This new quarter promises to be magical. As a 2Q, I’m obligated to give advice. I’m only going to say this once, so if you want to do well, just do like I tell you.

1) Come late to class. When the Prof. tells you to leave, don’t believe him. Go in, sit down and give him the finger. It’s kind of like going to prison. Throwing the unsolicited first punch at the scariest dude you find is the only way to get respect. Show weakness and that same man will make you his bitch for the remainder of your stay.
2) Don’t waste your time reading the cases. A commercial outline has everything you need without the fluff.
3) Professors hate know-it-alls. When the Prof. calls on you, simply say, “I didn’t read.” They will appreciate your honesty, and subtly modest approach to life.
4) Start every sentence with the word, “Um.” It will make you sound less stuffy; professors like that.
5) If you missed K-Fed’s world premier, you need to do that . . . now. It was the best thing since William Hung’s rendition of the timeless classic, “She Bangs.” Sadly for us, only the children actually in attendance of the Teen Choice awards were able to hear the expletives which Nickelodeon bleeped out.

In closing, I look forward to meeting my new classmates and telling them about a long bygone era. Every story will start, “You think you have it bad? I remember when I was a 1Q. . . .”

Let the games begin.

And the Darwin Award Goes To . . .

If you go back to here, you will notice I once forgot to wear underwear to class and if you go here you will see I once forgot to catch a softball. Yesterday however, I forgot my keys . . . 1500 miles away . . . in sunny Southern California.

It was a simple plan. I was to drive to the airport, fly to California, return 11 days later and drive home. I was blinded by the excitement of returning to my agrestic wonderland that is Waco and it wasn’t till after landing in DFW that I realized my mistake. I was forced to rent a car, drive back to Waco, stay at a friends, wait till morning, have the realtor let me in, get spare keys, drive back to the Avis, take a shuttle to the airport, take a shuttle to where my car was parked and then drive home.

To add insult to injury, Tuesday turns out to be the biggest day for car rentals. Adam Smith’s Invisible Hand via Avis did me dry. They were the only company with an available car and they priced accordingly. 11 hours and $108.57 later I returned the purple, manual windowed, two-door, Chevy Cobalt to its home and continued on with my life.

I’m back in Waco just in time for Wednesday night karaoke. It’s good to be home.

Greetings from the Land of Make-Believe

Any stories I describe from my stay in L.A. will either reflect poorly upon myself or those around me. Therefore I will say I’m excited to return to Waco and leave it at that.

For those readers interested in all that is Hollywood may I recommend:

www.thesuperficial.com
www.bricksandstones.blogspot.com
www.perezhilton.com

I’ve moved my flight up to Tuesday. Assuming my plane doesn’t fall victim to terrorist tomfoolery, expect daily posts starting sometime after that.