Holla at a 2Q

Maturity is a state of mind quickly erased by handles of cheap booze. To celebrate the commencement of yet another quarter, law students of all shapes and sizes gathered like mere undergrads for what can only be described as sophomoric binge drinking.

I had a very good time.

This new quarter promises to be magical. As a 2Q, I’m obligated to give advice. I’m only going to say this once, so if you want to do well, just do like I tell you.

1) Come late to class. When the Prof. tells you to leave, don’t believe him. Go in, sit down and give him the finger. It’s kind of like going to prison. Throwing the unsolicited first punch at the scariest dude you find is the only way to get respect. Show weakness and that same man will make you his bitch for the remainder of your stay.
2) Don’t waste your time reading the cases. A commercial outline has everything you need without the fluff.
3) Professors hate know-it-alls. When the Prof. calls on you, simply say, “I didn’t read.” They will appreciate your honesty, and subtly modest approach to life.
4) Start every sentence with the word, “Um.” It will make you sound less stuffy; professors like that.
5) If you missed K-Fed’s world premier, you need to do that . . . now. It was the best thing since William Hung’s rendition of the timeless classic, “She Bangs.” Sadly for us, only the children actually in attendance of the Teen Choice awards were able to hear the expletives which Nickelodeon bleeped out.

In closing, I look forward to meeting my new classmates and telling them about a long bygone era. Every story will start, “You think you have it bad? I remember when I was a 1Q. . . .”

Let the games begin.