“If You Think You Did Well, You Probably Failed”

Prof. Sub-CivPro proctored the exam while the Big Man was off frolicking in the Mediterranean, possibly laying supine in the sand, laughing at the thought of 28 assholes, typing away mercilessly for 3 hours and 40 minutes.

Funny Story: While I was thoughtfully delving into the nuances of proper court my fucking computer died.

The screen went gray, and I subsequently crapped myself.

I started murmuring audibly like a 4-year old girl in search of a lost puppy.

Me: “Where did you go?”
Me: “Oh please come back”
Me: “What happened?”
Me: “Don’t do this to me”
Me: “I promise I’ll write a better answer, I promise”

I walked to the door in search of help. I spotted a lady in the hall:

Me: “Oh God!”
Lady: “Do you need help?”
Me: “Yes . . . Something terrible has happened!”
Lady: “I have a phone number I can call”

And just like that, Ricky was on his way.

I went back to my computer and the screen came back to life. My relief was met with despair as I once again shat myself upon realizing my test lacked words. It was like finding my long-lost puppy, dismembered, and sodomized along the highway of life.

I don’t really know how to describe it. Maybe it’s the fact I’m intoxicated, but I think Ricky has powers.

The moment he walked in the door, my answer magically reappeared. With the confidence of a superhero and the bluster of a demigod he told me things would be ok and I was forced to believe him.

Two hours later, having only finished 2.5 out of 4 questions I realized he was full of shit, but, such is life.

While the rest of you study for the remainder of your finals, I’ll be inebriated. Enjoy.