Frank Caliendo Makes a Funny

Tangentially related to this semester's Focus Firm project is the below video from EchoStar. I didn't have anything to do with it but these are the outtakes from their newest set of ads. Enjoy. And if you love your mother you will sign up for DISH.

Promgate 2.0?

Whether the semi-anonymous, partially transcribed note below represents a real problem or the ranting of an overworked, under sexed law student remains to be seen. I've reprinted portions below without permission because I know that's the kind of thing you people live for.

Friends,

You all know who complains around here, and normally speaking, I ain't her(sorry Dorothy). I've gotten to the point where I can no longer hold my tongue.

Why, in the name of all things holy, do we feel the need to lend or rent our facilities to people not associated with the law school? Its annoying enough during the semester, but this close to finals it approaches aberration magnitude.

The problem isn’t just that they are outsiders, (which is a problem enough in and of itself since we leave doors unlocked and valuables unstowed around here) but that either they were not made aware of, or refuse to follow the simple rules of decorum around here. In a space of less than two hours tonight I was interrupted by a plethora of exciting disturbances not limited to but including: . . . [kids that] proceeded to use a table, a couch, even the faux-fichus as jungle gyms . . . .

To make matters (much) worse the condition of the second floor lavatory
was roughly akin to that of the Greyhound Bus at the tail end of its run from El Paso to Cleveland. There was trash left on the floor and in the chairs next to the court rooms where the WWE roundtable or whatever was being held. Its ree-forkign-diculous. I frankly don’t care if it’s the Texas Mock Trial Association, the Boy Scouts of America, or Mother Teresa’s Little Miracles, if they can’t behave like human beings, they shouldn’t be granted access to the school….especially three days before fucking finals. . . . .

In non-law school realted news, a fichu is a woman's triangular scarf of lightweight fabric, worn over the shoulders and crossed or tied in a loose knot at the breast. A faux-fichu is a fake one of those and presumably not the most frequently used jungle gym apparatus.

MBAs Draw Inspiration From Walter Ray Jr.

Last Thursday, more than twenty MBA students met at the bowling alley to compete in the first round of what has become inappropriately known as the Grad X-Games.

Though teams were supposed to include the well named likes of Speedy Clacks, The Dragons, Banga Lords, Deep Market Penetrators, Little Lebowski Urban Achievers, Team RamRod, Gorilla Warfare, and The Ghosteface Killas, a variety of spectators -inspired by $1 games and $1 beers- joined the fun and ruined the double elimination bracket and its accompanying point system.

Despite the setback, future Thursday events will likely include, but not be limited to, shuffleboard, darts, pool, Wii and drinking games. This unsanctioned series is kind of like the Liquidated Damages Tour sans the risk of toilet seat hepatitis.

Words: The New Sticks and Stones

Juicy Campus is, as the name implies, a web forum for students to anonymously post campus gossip. Not surprisingly, it has quickly become the go to place for comprehensive lists of purported sluts and homosexuals.

The site administrators use a blog to flaunt the fact their site is ruining schools and pompously cite a federal law that immunizes Web hosts from liability for the comments of their users.

I took torts, I sort of know about libel, and I'm interested to see how it plays out. Pepperdine has already blocked the site from the school's network and a similar case against AutoAdmit is already in the pipeline.

Legal Eagles and free speech enthusiasts, I'm interested in your thoughts.

[Picture of the site founder, former President of Sig Ep, courtesy of this article from the Duke Chronicle.]

Sic'ing It Nasty

After five over times -the most in Big XII history- the Baylor men's basketball team beat the 16th ranked Aggriculturalists in the best game I've ever seen [thanks to online television].

As a spectator, the thrill of winning was surpassed only by the announcer's description of MBA stud muffin, Mark Sheppard, as "bean pole."

UVA Misunderstood Dr. King

While researching a proposal in support of placing-a-pool/ping pong-table-in-the-business-lounge-cause, I came across a 2002 Feasibility Study for a Graduate Professional Student Studies Center at U.Va.

In describing the place -which the study concludes is much needed- the faculty writes:

Specifically, on the academic side, students are looking for a place to study during the day. The basic needs would be comfortable chairs and good light. . . . On the non-academic side, the need for food, perhaps wine and beer, were recognized as essential to the success of such a space. While the availability of light lunch items would be welcomed, coffee was universally seen as the sine qua non of a graduate space. Also the availability of newspapers, darts and other games were offered as incentives that would draw students to such a space. The real dreamers wondered if a pool table might be installed.

In case the use of bold ruined your ability to read, the authors described wine and beer as essential to success while denouncing pool tables as the stuff of "real dreamers."

Not surprisingly, they went on to successfully argue for a stripper pole in the name of fundamentals.

Because BearMeat is Still Dead

Despite a last second loss to #6 Washington St. and another to Arkansas, Baylor Men's basketball is 15-2 for the season and 3-0 in Big 12 play. Their next game is against #16 A&M on Wednesday and a win would make them a shoe in for a spot in the top 25.

In other Baylor basketball related news, Mark Sheppard, one of the team's captains is currently an MBA student, the Lady Bears are ranked #6, and my time spent clicking through the various women's rosters playing 'yes or no' is being billed as research.

UPDATE:

As a sharp shooting commentator pointed out, the new AP poll lists the men's team at 25. Check out Baylor Proud for all the glorious details.

Focus Firm

I signed a non-disclosure agreement yesterday that prevents me from talking about the coolest class assignment anyone has ever been given. Fortunately it happened at the business school and I'm well aware that none of my readers care. Briefly, I'm pretty sure I'm allowed to say the top executives from Echostar, including one of the founders - who happens to be part of the 62nd wealthiest couple in the world- flew in from Colorado to talk to us for three hours. They gave four groups of six, real-time, semester long assignments that will have job implications for the students and business implications for the company.

And they may or may not have left us with prototypes of their newest technology.

Business School Seeks Talented Soccer Players

Every year, students from the Baylor MBA program have competed in the UT Winter Classic and every year get beaten to within inches of their lives.

Last year, the competing teams included:

Duke, The Fuqua School of Business

Harvard Business School Alumni
Kellogg School of Management
Stanford Graduate School of Business
UT McCombs School of Business MBA
Babson College
Wharton University of Pennsylvania (Blue)
Harvard Business School
Harvard Law School
Kellogg School of Management Alumni
University of Chicago Graduate School of Business
Tuck School of Business at Dartmouth
UCLA Anderson School of Management
UT McCombs School of Business MBA Alumni
Wharton University of Pennsylvania (White)
MIT Sloan
Columbia Business School (A)
NYU Stern
UC-Berkeley Haas School of Business
Baylor University
Columbia Business School (B)

This year the event is scheduled from February 23 - 24 and we will be having a few practices before hand. If you or someone you know at the law school is highly talented and interested, send me an e-mail or leave a message in the comments section.

Hakuna Matata

As we all know,

In 1906, Texas Governor James Stephen Hogg made the Pecan tree the state tree of Texas. The story goes that Hogg had a Pecan tree planted at his grave instead of
a traditional headstone, requesting that the nuts be distributed throughout the
state to make Texas a "Land of Trees." [Instead he got the Land of Nuts!!
- Ed.]

Anyway, thanks to an intrepid reader, I was forwarded the Dean's two page letter that undoubtedly constitutes the most heartfelt composition ever written about four trees.

In case you didn't read it, it starts at the beginning, chronicling the trees' two year stint within the manacles of drip line fences during the school's construction. From there, we learn the torrid details of the trees' four year relationship with one, Dr. Watson; an urban forester from A&M that cared / did nothing for our foliaged friends.

Today, as the circle of life continues, the trees with voluptuous nuts have been removed and replaced by new trees. The school mourns their loss.

In case you're keeping track at home, the score is: 2 pages about trees; 1 sentence about "voluptuous nuts." As the author of this blog, I have a feeling "voluptuous nuts" isn't going down without a fight.

Scientists Prove Cognitive Abilities Overrated

I don't know if it counts as a study if you just go around asking people if they’ve had sex, but these here pages of words on a sciency-looking site say there is a direct correlation between intelligence and getting jiggy wit it.

The accompanying graph depicts poli. scientists as a sheet humping bunch and clearly explains why law students tend to live vicariously through others. Enjoy.

P.S.

If someone could tell me where Baylor teaches the studio arts classes, I'd greatly appreciate it.

Full Service Blogging

When -what I assume is a hot female that wants to ravage me- infers that nobody cares about the business school posts, I respond with action.

From now on, if someone currently at the law school wants to send me hot topics for story ideas, fanciful rumors, or even love letters, I'd be happy to write about them. Even better, if you want to write the post yourself, I'd be contented to paste it in the old blog and give you credit.

While I'm at it, if someone wants to pad their résumé by regularly reporting on intramurals, SBA, local restaurants, or sexual encounters in the study rooms (or Scruff's), you can do that too. I for one would love to hear from you and live vicariously through your exploits.

Japanese Are Masters of Efficiency

Since chicks dig haiku and the semester begins tomorrow, I'll use this post to quickly profile the remaining core professors and be done with it.

Prof. Finance

All about numbers

Dislikes the thought of feelings.

Generous grader.

Prof. QBA

Loves God and Excel
Infuses both into class
Made me like spreadsheets


Prof. Accounting

Focused on ethics

Smiles when numbers balance

Frowns at my attempts

(The ones not masked in red are Prof. Accounting.)

Prof. Operations

I haven't met him
And don't know about the class.
Here is his picture.*

*When you've never met someone, it's generally appropriate to stereotype based off mustache, beard and nose structure.

(All pictures courtesy of me stealing them from the Baylor Business Core Faculty page.)

The Power of Understated Greatness

Today, from 2 - 3 PM in a small classroom at Hankamer with no more than forty or fifty people, I had the singular privilege of engaging in a Q&A with Mark Hurd, the CEO of Hewllet-Packard.


The 1979 Baylor graduate responded to every question with direct, simple, impassioned answers that provided manageable perspective to the surreal concept of running a company with $104 billion in annual revenue, $11 million in hourly in expenses, and upwards of 200,000 employees.

An academic discussion of business ethics and leadership is good; hearing the story of a CEO who had to fire 15,000 people with families at the start of his reign in order to make HP the industry leader is better. So much better, in fact, I find the experience hard to put in words.

After only one hour with Mr. Hurd, I can easily say he is a new role model and I'm not surprised he was named 2007's Business Man of the Year.

Case Solved (Grissom Nods in Approval)

Despite not having attended a law class in over 25 weeks, a clandestine commenter by the name of anonymous has asked me to speculate on the whereabouts of Prof. LARC.

Being that blogs are the most reliable, if not the only, place for honest speculation, I'm going to go out on a limb and say she's in Mexico. After reportedly throwing caution to the wind, buying a donkey and riding it through the streets selling chicle, she saved up enough to buy a nice hat and add extensively to her tattoo collection.

While that's just a guess, it's an educated one based on the fact she was omitted by the Razor's most recent reference to the talents of his once-new collogues and her profile was deleted / removed from the list of faculty on the Baylor website.

I'm like a talented mix between John and Sherlock Holmes.

Prof. Communication

In an effort to make this blog somewhat relevant to the MBA program, I'll try to profile each professor before the start of next semester and go from there.

Public speaking is a critical task and Management Communication is designed to teach you the basics. During the first couple classes, Assistant Dean / Prof. Communication will describe the proper way to stand, address the audience, speak in groups and avoid looking retarded. Once that is done, you spend the rest of the semester honing your skills in one minute increments working with PowerPoint and non-PowerPoint alike.

In law school terms, it would be like they had a class that taught you the precise way to stand and speak while answering questions for other classes and moot court. To help you practice, the teacher would call on you at set times, asking either random or predetermined questions requiring little to no prep work. You speak for thirty seconds to a minute and everyone applauds when you're done.

Things are a little more complicated if you're a Baylor athlete. For one, Prof. Communication has been known to do the bear claw* accompanied by a hearty, "Sic Em Bears," before the start of a sportsperson's speech, awkwardly accompanied, of course, by the rest of the class.

*If you don't already know how to do the bear claw, fear not. She teaches you on like the third day.

Prof. Marketing

In an effort to make this blog somewhat relevant to the MBA program, I'll try to profile each professor before the start of next semester and go from there.

Despite being financially less successful than his executive twin brother, Prof. Marketing teaches with a smile on his face and a look of content in his eye (see picture to the left.) His likes include his daughters, the phrase "I'll have your grades in a few days," and quietly hiding in his office when students come seeking results.

He uses Harvard cases to highlight concepts, and in my opinion, does a better job of tying classes together than any other professor at Baylor. His approach to marketing encompasses business and corporate level strategy with substantial focuses on finance and numbers. In an undergrad marketing class, you learn definitions and the four P's - Product, Price, Placement and Promotion. In his class, you take real scenarios and make them come to life.

On the other hand, if you rely on substantial guidance, direction and easy A's that appear expeditiously on your transcript, you'll probably hate both him and the class.

Prof. Management Information Systems

In an effort to make this blog somewhat relevant to the MBA program, I'll try to profile each professor before the start of next semester and go from there.

Google his name and you'll discover a Forbes profile that details his career as the COO/CIO of Life Partners Holdings, Inc. As a proficient / curious stalker, I naturally progressed to the company's financials, corporate website, and a wiki definition of the word, "life partner."

It all checked out.

Despite separating his time between the company and school, Prof. MIS does a commendable job of giving the students undivided attention. He knows what he is talking about, and like any good MIS professor, he is a dork when it comes to technology.

If you're into learning about things like RFID from someone that isn't afraid to give A's and has a beautiful backyard, then you'll enjoy Prof. MIS. If you're into learning about things like blogging / stalking from someone with abs of steel and excessive free time, I'm kind of a big deal.

Prof. Econ

In an effort to make this blog somewhat relevant to the MBA program, I'll try to profile each professor before the start of next semester and go from there.

Econ professors are a funny bunch. Most are too conscious of opportunity costs to splurge on mere wants and their preoccupation with math keeps them from appreciating the existence of irrationality. Prof. Econ is no different.

Lovingly referred to by the students as "T.K.," he teaches from his ergonomic stool at the front of the class using mostly graphs and anecdotes. If you like set syllabi and lesson plans, you won't value his family stories about custom made organs and if you like learning only what's on the exam, you won't welcome his sometimes seemingly nonsensical sojourns into the depths of calculus. If you get beyond that for long enough to pay attention and do the assigned work, you'll leave the class with an understanding of intermediate economics and ability to explain everything.

You accidentally shot a call girl while cleaning your gun? There are graphs to help make sense of it. Kind of.

Back in Texas

From Christmas Eve until yesterday, I found myself gallivanting around LA with +1.

Celebrating after the Rose Bowl and enjoying a teacup at Disneyland

As of tomorrow I'll be back to blogging about b-school and the occasional spastic colon.

Happy New Year,

Swanburg