The Coach Has Something He’d Like to Show You

I’ve been following Mike Singletary’s career since Baylor Proud brought him to my attention approximately eight days ago, and despite him having an illustrious career and whatnot, I think I’ve caught the highlights:

• Oct. 22: Mike Singletary becomes head coach of the 49’ers.
• Oct: 26: Mike Singletary goes on a tirade during a press conference.
• Oct: 30^: Mike Singletary uses his anus as a pedagogical device, “address[ing] the team for 3-4 minutes with his pants around his ankles.” Confirmed.
  

Since Baylor Proud probably won’t say it again for awhile, Sic ‘Em Coach Singletary.

Last Day of Class

If I can pass four tests over the next eight days I’ll be a 7Q/3L. Considering I played an average of 36 holes a week this quarter, I feel surprisingly good about my odds.

Because Some Learn Through Touch

Last Friday I was sent to the front podium to talk about my case in CivLib. While I read, the Prof. casually stopped me, grabbed my hand, and allowed me to continue speaking while he used his free arm to point aimlessly around the room.

Just two guys, holding hands, pointing, talking about public forums.

Now that CivLib is over, I have a feeling I’m going to miss that.

One Shot, One Opportunity . . .

Tonight at 7, Ex Parte competes in the Flag Football Championships against the Bad Donkeys. Athletically speaking, this is one of the most significant nights of my life.

Update:

We lost.

Your Vote Actually Matters

Just a Reminder:

SBA elections are tomorrow, Wednesday, October 22, from 10:00-3:30 at the table in front of the Student Lounge. Vote for the candidates that gave you the best combination of free food, clever signs, and promises of the world.

An Impressive Statue of Colorful Prophylactics

I’ve never met the artist but I’ve been told his name is John, he’s a lower quarter, and according to this website, “He is extremely fast, inventive, and can keep up a breakneck speed for hours at a time.” RAWR!
If you want a closer look, The Bespoke Jedi Cowboy will probably remain in the student lounge until someone pops it, steals it, rapes it or otherwise violates the metaphorically placed smiley face.

Baylor Gets Scandal-y

Two days ago the Lariat published an editorial indicating Baylor was paying already-accepted incoming freshman $300 to retake their SAT plus $1000 a year in scholarship money if they scored at least 50 points higher.

The end result for Baylor: a 10 point increase in the average SAT score and a whole lot of surprisingly deep shit.

For the further reading see:

• Lariat: Faculty Pissed
• Lariat: We Made a Controversy!!!
• NY Times: Baylor May Have Cheated
• NY Times: Faculty Thinks Baylor Cheated
• Inside Higher Ed: Baylor is the Poster Child for SAT Misuse

UPDATE: Law schools do it too!!

The Law Blog referred me to the Tax Blog, and the Tax Blog referred me to a couple of ways other schools game the system.

Buy 3 TVs, Get Volcano Insurance, Free!!!

Presumably in response to overwhelming demand, the BLS Student Relations Committee installed one flat screen in each of the following locations: the first floor of the library, outside the student lounge, and adjacent to the courtrooms.

Some assume they’ll use the televisions for announcements and accolades like the admin e-mail insisted, others assume they’ll pair pictures of past members of law review with predators from Megan’s List and ask the viewer to spot the sex offender. Only time will tell, my friends . . . only time will tell.

UPDATE:

According to a scrupulous commentator, the televisions' costs were covered by Lexis and Westlaw.

BLS Loses the Sportsmanship Award

Thanks to an anonymous commentator who would undoubtedly shank and report all cheaters, I’m able to bring you the good news: According to the Princeton Review, Baylor ranks number one for “Most Competitive Students!!!”

What the title means, exactly, I’m not sure, but judging from the other schools on the list I think it’s safe to say they didn’t intend for it to be read in a “competition is the whetstone of talent” sort of way.

This Wouldn’t Happen to Sam Crow

Hypothetically, if your expectations for Oktoberfest involved one reveler being stabbed at our bed and breakfast in an altercation involving a pastry dish, another losing fecal continence, another inadvertently making poor decisions with a married woman, and another being the victim of a mild gay hate-crime after appearing kind of gay, then Oktoberfest hypothetically could have gone pretty much as you thought.

It’s all fun and games until Miguel Galindo decides he's had enough of the scone dish.

Since I'm talking in hypothetical, the details of the event aren't worth public discussion, but if I’m going to keep friends that use the rule of omerta and Vin Diesel quotes as their only guiding life-principles, these kinds of situations are inevitable.

Getting Cultured

This weekend, several 6Q gentlemen and I are heading to Fredericksburg for their Oktoberfest celebration. We’re staying at a bed and breakfast downtown, and if I know the people I’m going with, at least one will decide it’s imperative we wear matching lederhosen, someone will inevitably agree, and after a series of progressively poorer decisions, one of us will be arrested for lewd and lascivious behavior.

Cheers to hoping it isn’t me.

1Ls Get Chance to Live the Dream, Fail

Last night’s Immunity Party at Austin’s -followed by a pants-off dance off at Scruff’s- was a good time reminiscent of a bygone era. PC students and 2Ls were out in droves, the 80s cover band did what 80s cover bands do, and alcohol disappeared at alarming rates.

It’s a shame only about nine 1Ls showed up to celebrate.

If they were at home or school studying, I can only assume they'll one day come to regret their decisions.