Vote or Die
With elections approaching this coming Monday and Tuesday, it’s important we get to know our candidates. I've taken the time to stalk each one and as promised, here are the people you should vote for.
ExecutivePresident: Emily Hollenbeck
To quote Emily,
“I am a proponent of law league sports, karaoke, and theme parties. The more of these things we have during law school the better!”
Besides her hand in marriage, I couldn’t ask for more.
Treasurer: Stephen Baker
The man with the blog is a die hard supporter of both intramural athletics and karaoke. You haven’t lived until you’ve seen Mr. Baker on a Wednesday night. A vote for Baker is a vote for sex, drugs & rock and roll, (minus the first two). He promised me he wouldn’t embezzle and that’s good enough for me.
Vice President: Timothy Thorne
A game of darts says a lot about a man. Fortunately we shared just that a couple months back and as I recall he maintained composuer under the most trying of circumstances. When the going gets tough, Timothy Thorne gets going.
3L President: Josh Fogelman
Besides an impressive performance in the finals of the moot court competition, he’s an avid ping pongist, with a passion for things. I can’t see his Facebook profile but I’m sure those things are fun if he’s keeping them hidden from my prying eyes.
Mid Secretary: Lauren Cole
Not electing Lauren would be the equivalent of adopting a family but for one child. The family will be ruined and it will be nobody’s fault but your own. We’ve been given Rory and Kate, therefore your obligated to take Lauren. Not that you wouldn't elect her besides that, I’m just saying.
Finally for the 1L's we have Jessamikelman.
Who the fuck is that you may ask? Well it’s a combination of Kami Keller (V.P.), Rachel Appelman (Sec.), and Jessica Hart (Prez). They really want to win and who am I to tell them they can’t. We need the 1Q vote on this one. Since there are a million of you, get out and vote for the three girls who want to make your lives fun.
And in case you were wondering, you can’t vote for one without the others. That would ruin their name and you can’t do that.
*Apparently George Bush missed the mandatory meeting so we have Kristina Renya as Exec. Parliamentarian.
posted by Jon Swanburg @ 7:40 PM
13 comments
13 Comments:
I agree with your choices for 1 L offices.
Coveted Swanburg endorsement notwithstanding, a vote for Borderud for 1L VP is an investment in our future.
Imagine, if you will, the student lounge of a Borderudian administration: daily DP floats, Ozarka water coolers, hot tubs, a sauna, bunk beds for sleepy 1Ls, not to mention a full bar.
With your votes, we can make this beautiful dream a reality. Borderud is in a unique position to deliver for his constituents. How, you ask? Experience. Courage. Determination.
The sauna is kind of why he lost my support. Picture me this:
I'd be sitting there minding my own business, when Profs. CivPro, Contracts and Osler walk in. They aren't expecting to see me and awkward silence ensues.
Finally Prof. Contracts makes a joke and Prof. Osler laughs. (akward silence ensues)
Emily Post mentioned nothing about saunas so everyone wants to leave but nobody knows how.
5 minutes in Prof CivPro looks up from the floor and says, "Hey Swanburg."
Without looking up I give a simple, "hello."
(awkward silence ensues)
5 minutes pass. Although I fear my legs won't carry me, I get up to leave. As I stand my towel falls to the ground, leaving me frontally exposed to the gaggle of Profs.
We all make eye contact. I pick up my towel, give a quick wave and leave.
So I've imagined it as per your request and find that your idea of a beautiful dream is reminiscent of my worst nightmare. I simply can't support such a candidate.
Last Winter we had bar reviews every week. Whoever wins, please bring that back.
Ms. Hart for president. She's easy on the eyes.
Borderud is the only candidate in the 1L VP race that can grow a beard, therefore, he has my vote.
I think Dylan has the right demeanor for a secretary.
We've gotta stop this ridiculous beard craze among the 1Qs before its too late; stopping the Borderud momentum is a must - like they should have stopped Hitler at Munich.
yeah, 2Qs rock! Vote for the 2Q Party - Summer starters have way more fun.
Swanburg, now that may own SBA picks are up, you can see that I agree with none of your choices.
If the 2Q's run the table then we will have a single party government, much like we've had in the national government recently. We all see how well that's worked out...
Two things:
1) Thanks for your kind words about my karaoke. I think.
2) I so wiped the floor with Fogey last time we played the pong.
http://www.videotiger.com/bizarrecatvideo.shtml
With T-shirts, brownies, and color fliers, the 2Q party spared no expense to ensure the "straight-party" vote.
Why am I having high school flashbacks?
It reminds you of high school because high school reminded you of middle school.
The methods worked back then and continue to work today.
If it aint broke, don't fix it.
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