Happy Mother's Day

I haven’t seen my mother in, oh I don’t know, maybe the last two weeks. But it’s Mother’s Day so she is here, and I’m her bitch. My ex-girlfriend liked referring to her as ‘Bunny’ (from Sex and the City), so I shall do the same.

Most of my L.A. and N.Y. readers have never been to a ‘real’ Wal-Mart. You are missing out my friends; you are sorely missing out. Bunny and I were on a mission for cooking gear and a couple of folders. Parking was the first challenge. I had to run over a few feral cats, and flip off a Hispanic family of twelve but it earned me a primo spot. After making sure the car was properly locked we embarked on our adventure.

Now, I know I have lived a sheltered life, but when did Wal-Mart start doing haircuts? Patrons formed an incredible line to have their 'hair did' by a lady sporting the sign, “As Seen on Jerry Springer”. I wasn’t wearing my glasses but I think that’s what it said.

Apparently May is not the time to buy back to school gear at Wal-Mart so I ended up with some pink, orange and yellow folders that say catchy phrases like, “sweet”, “delicious”, and “tangy”. For some reason, the Baylor bookstore didn’t have folders, so this is what I’m stuck with. I won’t be embarrassed unless I somehow leave one of these folders in CivPro. At that point I’d rather die then claim it as my own.

A 55 year old man named Earl guided us to the cooking section. While walking behind him I couldn’t help but stare at the large yellow ‘Jnco’ logo emblazoned on his back pocket. I was going to pass along the memo that Jnco was SO 8th grade 1997, but decided last second that some things were better left unsaid.

After, a brief stint in the kitchen department it was time to check out. We worked our way to checkout lane 18. The lady behind the conveyor belt had 4 teeth and a shirt reading “I lost my number can I have yours?” Bunny and I respectfully declined and continued on with our day.

Let’s hope I am allowed attend more classes then last Monday.

P.S.

Our, ‘1Q reply all e-mails’ crack my shit up. Shotgun either catcher, or left field for Thursday softball.