Flashback

Our waitress was perfect, combining the looks of Petra Nemkova with the IQ of a toilet seat. Ashley was a sassy little bugger, unafraid to give the clientele a piece of her mind.

Ashley: “For tonight we have Carona, XXX, and one more for $2.99”
Me: “And what would that one more be?”
Ashley: “Umm a beer.”
Me: “Does the beer have a name”
Ashley: One More (actual name turned out to be “Juan Moore”)
Me: “You know what? You make that sound so good I’ll stick with a blended Margarita”
Ashley: “What’s blended?”
Texas friends: “He’s a yankee, I think he means frozen”
Ashley: “Oh, that’s weird. What kinda tequila?”
Me: “Do you have Patron silver?”
Ashley: “Yea and what do you want as the floater?”
Me: “Can you just float some more Patron at the top”
Ashley: “No, I don’t know how to do that, it has to be a different brand”
Me: “Your lucky you’re hot, surprise me.”
Ashley: “Thanks”

I’d come to learn that the ring I saw on 19 year old Ashley’s finger was a promise ring and the hole in her belly button was created by God. In fact, when she was at a God camp, she dropped her bible and while descending, it tore out her belly button ring.

Texas Friend: “So you’re only 19, what’s the promise ring for?”
Ashley: “A promise to stay pure till I’m married.”
Me: “Well that’s noble.”
Texas Friend: “You’re full of crap. The tramp stamp on your lower back says that belly button ring was ripped out during kinky sex.”
Ashley: “I got the tattoo when I was 17, but other then that, we have a lot in common”
Texas Friend: “Such as?”
Ashley: “Well we are both virgins, but it’s sad because mine is by choice and yours isn’t.”

Touché young Ashley, touché.

True to her word she didn’t sleep with any of us that night.

**In other news, I’d like to congratulate my drinking buddy on taking his last undergrad 8 AM final, having replaced studying and sleeping with goodly amounts of tequila. He finished the exam in 15 minutes, confident he earned an ‘A’. Undeniable proof my law school classmates are far superior thinkers then I.**