Valentine's Day and Facebook

As many of you already know, I’m fucking brilliant. Having said that, I’m warning you now, this next story may come as a surprise.


I’d been saving my free Facebook gift for a special someone’s Valentine present. It was going to be perfect.

So there I am this morning, everything is planned and ready to go when out of nowhere, Facebook decides the gift shop is “Temporarily Closed for Restocking.” What the fuck? I mean I too run out of things like digital dick-in-a-box on occasion but not on V-Day. Only an idiot would run out of things like digital dick-in-a-box on V-Day.

Anyway, after countless refreshing to no avail, I resorted to drastic measures: changing my profile’s relationship status to, “In a Relationship.” Of course, five minutes later the gift shop opened up but by then it was too late. I mean, I ended up sending her a troll too but at that point, I don’t think anyone really cared about the troll.

So now I’m in a Facebook-official relationship, all because I was too cheap to buy flowers.