Hey, Hatchet. How my Dic-tate?

At one point during today’s advocacy lecture, I felt like I was an extra in a high-budget, school-fetish porno. If you’re like me and watch a lot of high-budget school-fetish porno, you know they all start the same. Prof. PC II steps into the second row, people get quiet and then it begins:

Prof: Do you mind, Mr. Hatchet?
Mr. Hatchet: [silent approval]
Prof: [grabbing him by the hair and pulling back his head] See. You have to take them by the head, lean them back, open their mouths, and shove the questions down their throats.
Mr. Hatchet: [scared but longing to please]
Prof: Open your mouth Hatchet.
Mr. Hatchet: [opening his mouth]
Prof: I mean really shove them. Wider, Hatchet.
Mr. Hatchet: [opening his mouth wider]
Prof: You see. Once you get them to open their mouth you need shove your arguments down their throats until you hit stomach acid.
Mr. Hatchet: [awkward gargling noise]
Prof: [letting go of his hair] Thank you, Mr. Hatchet.

In a surprising plot twist, no memos and no anal.