DVD Plans on Featuring Wacoan Areolas

As a future Juris Doctor, it's my legal duty to report that Wild West - Waco's home of "2-stepping and long necking" - will be playing host to an official Girls Gone Wild party this coming Wednesday, November 14th.

In case you were unaware, girls of all shapes and sizes use these events to compare uninhibited-lesbian impressions while guys judge the performances based on a number of factors, not the least of which are their penises. Though no money is awarded, the winning females get the cathartic pleasures associated with showing the world their fathers' didn't care. The whole process is scientific, really.

"Raise your hand if you seek attention."

And in case you're the kind of person that is concerned about what Baylor thinks or you're simply a gloomy Gus when it comes to stuff like getting suspended, here is the link to Baylor's official stance regarding sexy misconduct or, as they like to call it, "acting inconsistent with the Christian principles to which Baylor seeks to adhere."

In the off chance you didn't click the above link, I'll sum it up by recommending you never get filmed performing the sic' em bear claw while appealing to, or contemplating prurient interests.