I Couldn’t Help Myself
I wasn’t called on for In Re Latex Glove Litigation so I had to interject. My head is full of useless information that I generally try to suppress but when the factoids find a scintilla of relevance, they come pouring out like children from a liberated sweatshop.
And for those of you who weren’t there to hear it. Medical gloves come in:
Latex, nytrile, vinyl, synthetic, powdered, non-powdered, colored, chlorinated, non-chlorinated, scented, textured, non-textured, fitted, non-fitted, sterile, short fingers, long fingers and anything else you could ever want.
If you’re ever in the market for some latex or non-latex dental dams I sold those too.
And since the 1Q’s like quotes so much, here’s one from today’s Property:
Prof. Property: “It's possible for constructive eviction to occur when neighbors are involved in lewd activities. From what I hear Mr. Swanburg, you should probably start screening your guests a little more carefully.”
posted by Jon Swanburg @ 2:35 PM
15 comments
15 Comments:
BRAVO Swanburg......you finally quoted something accurately.
Also, you did forget flavored and glow-in-the-dark. Don't leave out the best two.
I am getting the sense that there might be some strong sexual connotations imbedded in Haley's commentary. Personally, I find it repulsive and classless. So I make one request, to Jonathan and Haley, please exercise couth, tact and class to the fullest extent.
He actually named those two things in class as types of gloves. I didn't make them up to be creepy.
1) I don't recommend the flavored gloves, hence I pretend they don't exist. When put in the mouth they cause salivation and biting; nobody wants that.
And I only recommend glow in the dark gloves to doctors, nurses and dental hygienists who express a passion for raving on ecstasy.
As you can imagine they sell like hot cakes.
2) Haley beats me. The only time she touches my nether regions are to inflict pain; lots and lots of pain.
Now Haley, there is no reason to be defensive. As a wise man once said, "He who is quick to defend, is driven by guilt, and guilt alone." I think that wise proverb is particularly applicable here. If your words continue to fly like the arrows of Persia at Thermopylae I will be left with no choice, for you, Haley, will have made my decision for me. And as for you, Jonathan Swanburg, take heed of the advice above given. Such unchecked aggression will not stand.
You think THAT was aggression? Please...
Millard Fillmore
next you'll be telling us the patriot act is great b/c you have nothing to hide.
I am failing to understand the reference to the overweight nineteenth century president. Haley, latent anger, no matter to what degree, is never healthy. I get the sense that you, my friend, are what some would describe as an angry person. That is obviously mere speculation on my part; more input from your peers is required before I take a definitive position on that subject. Regarding the anonymous post, the P.A.T.R.I.O.T. Act is in fact great. Actually, it is quite possibly the greatest piece of legislation the United States of America has seen in our relatively brief history. As for you, Jonathan, your previous writings lead one to think that you are fairly adept at jocular banter. As for me, I must say that to this point I have been underwhelmed by your witty reparte.
Ramblin' texan, your ignorance precedes you. Please allow me to advise you to be careful when selecting your pronouns. You referred to me as "him," but how can you be sure of my gender? I do not believe any of my posts have divulged any information from which one could accurately discern my gender. The moral of the story is, please think twice before making ill-founded assumptions based upon no evidence; you will arrive at the wrong conclusion more often than not.
ugh, i don't have the energy lorde mayor. but if you don't know the reference to millard fillmore...the first president to have indoor plumbing in the whitehouse, then you're not the lorde mayor i thought you were. though your unnecessary wordiness and ability to anesthetize readers with your tedious writing seems to indicate that you in fact are the lorde mayor i thought you were.
and im done.
Ramblin' Texan, you are too predictable my friend. Your childish response is reminiscent of one side of a "I know you are, but what am I" exchange taking place between two adolescent girls. As for my vocabulary, I refuse to apologize for being a literate person. I can, however, see that you are green with envy, so I will give some advice so that perhaps one day you can incorporate words with more than one syllable into your writing as well. My advice is simply this...It's called reading, top to bottom, left to right, group the words together and they form sentences. I hope this proves to be beneficial for you.
I haven't been this confused since that time Prof. Trap & Skeet Club started giving me a back massage in the middle of the Dean's lecture during orientation.
Reading Lord Mayor's comments make me believe Stewie Griffin has discovered FromMalibuToWaco and I couldn't be happier.
You can make fun of Haley all you want just don't call her grade C ass. The last guy to try that got, "hoisted by his own petard."
Lorde Mayor, there is no nice way to say this: you come off as an insecure person that tries to overcome his deficiencies by acting like a vain jackass. I don't know you, so maybe I'm wrong, but I doubt it. You need to deal with your issues.
Jonathan, while I am obviously not Family Guy's Stewie Griffin, the comparison most certainly brought a twinkle to my eye, and your candor is greatly appreciated. If I may, I would like to offer a brief commentary concerning your experience during the Dean's orientation speech. While I have yet to be the recipient of an awkward and unwanted massage, I feel as if it is my duty to counsel you during your time of mental strife and personal anguish. We, as humans, have a tendency to want to repress memories of situations such as the one aforementioned; however, Jonathan, repressing is not the answer. It is imperative that you directly face this situation. You must face it with resolve and courage, like that displayed by a Spartan warrior during battle. Ostensibly, I can understand how you would view this as an awkward situation, and I empathize with you. I end with this. Have you stopped to think that perhaps it was awkward for the other party as well?
Anonymous, while I appreciate your honesty regarding your perception of me, I fear that I must respectfully disagree with your conclusion in part. I do not believe myself to be an insecure individual; however, to each his own, and you certainly have a right to draw your on conclusions. As far as being a jackass, I am afraid that I must agree. Some people see me as a jackass and they are entitled to their opinion. I do not make any excuses, nor do I apologize for it.
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