Saturday, January 13, 2007

Story From Law Prom

Law prom was incredibly fun but a couple classmates lost their goddamned minds.

Take two seconds to think about the shittiest thing you’ve ever done to someone out on a date. Got it? If your answer comes anywhere close to telling the guys date, who you don’t know, that the guy is a man-whore who takes pleasure in fucking girls over . . . grab a fork and stab yourself in the neck. Do it. Don’t think about it just do it.

If you’re still reading this and you were one of the people to say such things to my date last night, you obviously missed the part about the fork.

And if you thought lines like, “Wow, Swanburg really has a thing for the neighbors” or “You’re way too smart to be dating Swanburg, he normally likes the dumb ones” were appropriate, you were wrong.

But that does not come close to taking any cake. No cake for you people. No cake. Not even close. The cake goes to the classmate that made my date his own.

While I was off buying drinks and talking to some people, I look over and this guy has his hand on my date's back. I think nothing of it. I go over, hand her a drink, place a few bets, kiss her on her head and talk to a few people behind me. I turn around, and again, the hand is on her back. I take a few steps away and further observe the situation with others. I laughed it off. When my date heard I was a slut I stopped laughing. I also stopped laughing when were walking to the car and he gave my date his jacket. He happened to be our D.D. for the night so he took us back to my place where I was having people over.

At this point, my corsage clad date didn’t want to talk to me so she went three doors down to her place and I followed her. We were both kind of tipsy and things went kind of poorly. I came back to my apartment, had some words with the guy who had been hitting on her, and listened to his side of the story. Apparently every time I’d walk away she’d come over to him and he was just trying to help me out.

I know this is long but don’t stop reading, it’s about to get good. This morning, I went over to her place and we worked things out.

So there we are, taking a nap upstairs when the doorbell rings. I run down to answer and you’ll never guess who it was. MY FUCKING CLASSMATE!!!! I shit you not; the one hitting on my date was now at her house . . . You can’t make this stuff up.

We didn’t really talk long enough to figure out why he was there, but why he was there was almost irrelevant at that point. He drove fifteen minutes in the pouring rain when a Facebook message would’ve sufficed, he didn’t call me prior to showing up at my date's house, and the night before, when he asked if I wanted him to talk to her, I specifically said “No I don’t want you near her.” And how he knew which apartment was her's remains to be seen.

But yea . . . that was law prom. S.B.A. did an awesome job of putting it on, and I can’t thank them enough. The cock blocking wasn’t their fault. When I get some pictures of the shindig I’ll put them up.

19 Comments:

At 8:23 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sometimes the persona you place on this blog furthers what you just complained about. I feel sorry for you for any incorrect reputation you may receive, but you are a good bit to blame for it.

 
At 9:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Word.

 
At 9:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Boo Boo is going to be the best cock blocking donkey ever!

 
At 9:31 PM, Blogger Thomas said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 12:09 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just b/c your friend/classmate has a certain reputation doesn't give you a free pass to talk shit about him to his own date while still on the date. That is just ridiculous and shows a complete lack of respect for boundaries, social mores, unspoken guy code, blahblahblah. At least conduct yourself the classy way by talking to the girl behind your friend's back.

 
At 1:16 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear about that, hopefully things work out better for you in the future- I didn't know about this until you wrote about it.

 
At 2:27 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You'll should have duel like in the Micheal Jackson 'beat it' video to see who gets the girl.

 
At 9:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ouch. Sorry dear. And I agree with the last comment, except I think you should make it either a walk-off or a breakdance fight, a la Zoolander. Just for kicks.

 
At 9:48 AM, Blogger Katie said...

I love how high school proms don't even hold a candle to the drama of law prom.

 
At 12:42 PM, Blogger TJ said...

wow. now i really wish i had gone.

 
At 3:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i must have had way too much jack daniels that night TJ, because i could have SWORN you were at law prom. damn...

 
At 6:33 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

anon 10:09-

I agree with your point, but to think that people will never talk is ridiculous. If you don't want people to think of you and talk about you in a certain way, you should not put yourself in a position to be thought of or talked about in that way.

 
At 7:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Next law school event, we're going to play, "Steal Swanburg's Date". Thomas, TJ, and I are still writing the rules and the point system. It's going to be so much fun!

Don't talk shit about Swanburg unless it's to his face. And for the love of god, if he brings a lady friend to a function, don't tell her that Swanburg's a stupid manwhore.

 
At 10:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You got to know when to hold em, know when to fold em,
Know when to walk away and know when to run.
You never count your money when youre sittin at the table.
Therell be time enough for countin when the bangin of your date is done.

 
At 11:08 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your classmate needs to have his ass kicked. What a f***ing tool.

So, for those who rationalized this, I guess it works like this:

Premise 1: Swanburg alludes to himself (in a self-depreciating way) as a James Bond type character in his blogging, and he clearly appreciates, as do all other red-blooded males, God's creation of women and beer.

Conclusion: it is totally okay to tell Swanburg's date that he is a whore, and then try to sleep with her.

Did I get that right??

 
At 12:14 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

9:08--

You are way off, buddy. First, the obvious thing you missed from my post was that I felt sorry for him for "any incorrect reputation." Later I stated that I agreed with another that it is BS to talk shit about some one, but I also said that having some one talk shit about you should not be unexpected regardless of who you are. Many times that "shit" comes from the reputation you create for yourself, either through actions or blog and correctly or incorrectly. Thus, this created my point that he was at least somewhat to blame. Afterall, would you expect a squeaky clean virgin to ever be labelled as a whore?

And I expect that everyone here that is critizing the classmate has never talked shit about anyone. Bricks and glass houses, folks.

Last, something that I forgot earlier, Swanburg, what are you doing with a girl that is playing you like that? I've been a part of many situations where I looked at my girlfriends through rose colored glasses in a situation like that, but later I realized that leaving the girl was the best thing. Maybe you should think about that.

 
At 9:56 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It all depends if this guy has a gunrack in his truck, if he does do not listen to my advice.

I say punch your classmate in the stomach as hard as you can. Kicking someone in the groin or punching them in the face might make future classes uncomfortable. But the stomach doesn't scar, and usually only knocks the wind out of you. Oh and don't do it in front of anyone. The message will be delivered.

-Colombian Boss Man

 
At 9:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Was this "law prom" or the junior prom?

 
At 1:06 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

As someone who has a colorful past, especially in regards to the fairer sex, I can sympathize. I have oft had similar experiences, typically involving someone less adroit at wooing the ladies. My only advice is to keep your chin up, and remember these words of wisdom from my personal idol, ICE-T; "Don't hate the player, hate the game."

 

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