The Glove Club

Put the kids to bed, grab a snack and take a seat because you are about to take a trip. . .a trip down memory lane. This is my final week of full employment at the Glove Club, (a proud division of Henry Schein Inc.) and in honor of the occasion I’d like to perform a recap of a short yet illustrious career.
Jonathan Swanburg, who would later be referred to as ‘Juanito’ was once just a young, highly recruited prospect. Corporations started courting the timid Pepperdine undergrad at an early age. What he lacked in experience he made up for with a charismatic swagger and saucy banter. The top executives at the Glove Club were smitten with the youngster. One is even rumored to have shouted “Pull out all the stops.” during a board meeting “I don’t care what it takes, we need him!” With those words the plans were set in motion. They flew him out to New York for the Thanksgiving break of his junior year. He was given first class accommodations for a working interview, and a grueling interview it was. The New York Convention was capable of bringing seasoned veterans to their knees but not Jonathan. He peddled latex and non-latex alike, displaying efficiency in both aggressive and passive selling techniques. Customers and management alike were blown away. This guy was straight out of the minors, unabashedly selling dental dams to 75 year old women, and selling them well.
After returning to school he was somewhat of a celebrity. Word had spread that there was a new kid in the glove industry and everyone was dying to get their hands on him. Fellow students would cheer as he walked past, professors would let him teach the classes. Even the President of the United States offered up his twin daughters, with a huge dowry, including a job as Secretary of State but Jonathan refused. He was a dental selling machine and he wasn’t going to let anything get in the way.
He adjusted his schedule to graduate in three and a half years. School no longer had anything to offer him. There was enormous fanfare on his first day of work. People lined the streets holding signs and waving. He was the next big thing and the expectations were huge. There was a valet waiting when he pulled into the office parking structure and he directed the young star to the private elevator to avoid the paparazzi. That first ride was symbolic of his career, only lasting for a mere 6 floors.
There was no applause as he stepped in the office. There was no real greeting to speak of. He was slow to pick up the intricacies of the computer system and the reporters jumped on his every mistake. His boyish charms were lost over the phone. Rather then being awed by the confidence in his eyes they were detracted by his subtle lisp and occasional stutter. He was detested by customers and failed to sell even the lowliest evacuator tip. On the drive home, he could see women and children crying on the side of the road in disappointment. He could never reclaim his confidence and his sales suffered. He put up unimpressive numbers and the executives were crushed. They pressured the boy to step up his game but the magic was lost. The glory and promise of his college days had led only to mediocrity. He continued to attend the conventions but things only continued to get worse.
It was the infamous Thomas Hinman Convention of ’06 that finally shattered the poor boy. He was no longer selling but pleading. Customers were buying out of pity for the person that once was. The rock bottom came when he arrived home. “Some dork lied to me at the convention!” exclaimed an irate customer. “I don’t remember his name but this guy was a real dork!” ‘Juanito’ as his Mexican coworkers had called him, knew he had been that dork. As the only male at the Glove Club booth it was undeniable. He was speechless. How far had he fallen? Mere dental assistants and hygienists were belittling him. The child star had joined the ranks of Mcaulley Kulkin, and Gary Coleman resorting to a life of drugs and depravity.
The pressure of the office was too much for him. As he fell to the bottom of the stat sheet he concocted a plan to quit. The center of Texas was still isolated from the paparazzi and several years behind on current events. Their most recent coverage still spoke of a dental sales prodigy that represented the great hope for the future. Still reeling from the days of David Koresh, Waco was in need of a pick me up. Jonathan knew of their plight and seized the opportunity. Through discrete negotiations with the Dean, he was admitted without taking any of the required tests and was automatically appointed as Editor in Chief of Law Review, and Captain of the Trial Team.
By the time news of his failure as a glove salesman reached Waco it no longer mattered. As the greatest student Baylor had ever seen, he was once again admired by students and faculty alike. There were no paparazzi to immortalize him in the pages of Us or People but he didn’t care. He was content at being a local hero and learned from his mistakes at the Glove Club.