Thursday, December 28, 2006

Day 3

So I’m back in L.A. and this is basically how it’s gone down:

TV: The word is strephosymbolia.
Me: S-T-R-E-P-H-O-S-Y-M-B-O-L-I-A, strephosymbolia.
TV: (after the kid gets it wrong) DING!
Me: HA. . Even I got that one.
Dad: Look at you . . . really . . . a job well done. HEY SHERRY! Your son just out-spelled a 12-year-old autistic looking fellow on the T.V . . . why don’t you bring him a cookie?
Me: Thanks father.
Dad: You learn to spell like that in Waco?
Me: No, but I did learn that The Cowboys are America’s team and that beer you’re drinking right there . . . that’s known as “The Diesel.”
Dad: SHERRY . . . make that two cookies, the boy is a genius.

There is some other stuff like studying but nobody cares about any of this.

The only reason I’m blogging is to post the Torts II distribution.

A 5
A- 20
B 32
B- 14
C 9
D 1
F 1

Enjoy the rest of your break.

Friday, December 22, 2006

Property I

In case you missed it, Property I grades came back today and here’s the distribution:

A 4
A- 11
B 55
B- 19
C 6
D 1

Enjoy your break.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Ask and You Shall Receive

I’ve taken the liberty of posting the greatest e-mail ever received and no, it isn't the one with the 43 page PC I syllabus:

We know that some of you have heard that the faculty is considering making a change to the grading system. We have and we are going to make some changes. You will receive the specifics of the changes shortly after the Christmas break. In the meantime, we want you to know that we have heard the concerns raised, we have reviewed grading systems at comparable law schools, and we have decided to make some adjustments so that our students’ grades are more competitive with those of others at comparable law schools. While the raw GPA numbers should only be a meaningful measure intraschool, we realize that students perceive a competitive disadvantage when the Baylor median student must include on his or her resume a GPA considerably lower than a median student from a comparable law school.

We plan to make 2 adjustments. First, the faculty recognizes and agrees that grades in required courses need to target a grade distribution that places the median grade near the middle of the “B” range. This target will not fit every curve and each professor retains discretion to determine an appropriate range of grades; however, we want you to know that we do recognize the discrepancy and we collectively desire to fix it. This target does not apply to elective courses because our study revealed that doing so would likely lower the elective-course average. And second, to allow for more accurate assessment of class performance within each class, we plan to add both a B+ and a C+ grade to the grading scale beginning with the winter grades. To ensure symmetry, the new scale will be:

A = 4.0
A- = 3.67
B+ = 3.33
B = 3.00
B- = 2.67
C+ = 2.33
C = 2.00
D = 1.00
F = 0

When you return we will have a meeting with you to discuss the changes.

We wish you safe travels, a Merry Christmas and a Joyous New Year.


Leah Jackson
Associate Dean and Professor
Baylor Law School

Feel free to place your own commentary but at this point, all I have to say is thank you.

A Celebration of Life

Had Prof. Contracts walked in 10 minutes later, this would have been the conversation:

Prof. Contracts: What are you up to?
Me: Oh, you know . . . just . . . just hanging out.
Prof. Contracts: That’s weird because it looks to me like you’re running around half-naked with forty ounce Mickeys taped to your hands.
Me: Yea . . . I . . . umm . . . yea . . . this is exactly what it looks like.

But he arrived at our Christmas party when he did and other than the fact I kind of, talked to/hit on/ bought drinks for my favorite classmate’s very attractive daughter for most of the evening, I kept things decent. Granted I may have called a few people at strange hours but that is neither here nor there.

So Happy Birthday Latham, you are beautiful.



**Given the heated battles over some footage taken at Treff’s last evening, I’ll leave my commentary brief and simply say the karaoke far exceeded my expectations. Between Mark doing the Humpty Dance with back up dancers, Thomas killing Rapper’s Delight, Bell dominating Weezer, and the locals doing justice to Lil John, I came away more than impressed.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Change of Plans

Normally a Wednesday evening would start with a dive bar at 9 and move to Scruffy’s around 11. This week is different. We’re starting at 7:30 with a 1L Christmas party at The Outpost followed by Treff’s at 10:30.

The DJ at Scruff’s is rumored to be out of town for the holidays, hence the change of scenery. In case you’re curious, not only does Treff’s have $1.50 drafts and $2.00 wells but it too has Wednesday night karaoke.

It’s also Latham’s birthday party.

First Annual Bosler Foosball Tournament

I don’t really know how to say this politely so I’ll just come straight with it . . . some would call me a champion.

I wasn’t even going to play. The plan was to donate, watch, and meander--next thing you know team Knapp / Swanburg was kicking ass and taking names. You’ll notice the good folks over at the Razor mentioned one of Bosler's four losses by name. I just thought you should know a second.

It was a very successful event and thanks to the paparazzi on hand, we have some pictures to prove it. (click them and they grow)


Team Bosler mimicking the cover of the Dec. 1969 edition of High Times.

Trap. . .Jiggle. . .wait for it . . . wait for it . . .pass-BANG.
Famous last words: “In the class room IRAC, at the foosball table I ROCK.”
That may or may not be the same baggie Prof. Contracts carried around in the late 60’s - early 70’s. (Table cleaning supplies . . . just table cleaning supplies)
Prof. CrimLaw went with the “Shock and Awe” Approach.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Gambling On Statutory Construction

In today’s class I was accused of making prejudiced arguments based on a personal disdain for homosexuals. Rest assured that such is not the case. My passion for the position was grounded in basic statutory construction along with a $5 wager against Big Momma Watkins.

Reprinted below is a copy of the statute and question. The crux of my argument was simply that homosexuality in the United States is not an “arbitrary basis” and there is nothing in the statute that says otherwise. With the legislative controversy stemming from gay marriage, gays in the military, and homosexual equal employment issues, I can hardly believe the statute’s all-inclusive language is the legislature’s panacea for the latter controversy.

Realizing nobody really cares but me, I’ll leave it at that.

Although I’m still confident in granting 3W’s motion to dismiss, Prof. LAPP thinks I’m wrong and B.M.W. will be receiving a check for $5.

Title VII: Employment Discrimination

Section 1: In order to eradicate the last
vestiges of arbitrary discrimination in employment within the nation, the
following civil liability should be imposed upon any employer doing business in
interstate commerce:

Section 2: Any employer doing business in
interstate commerce shall not discriminate on the basis of sex, race religion or
other arbitrary basis regarding hiring or firing of an
employee.

Sections 3 & 4 (Irrelevant to the question)

Note: The committee report attached to this bill indicates that it
was a direct response to the lack of state law recognizing such a cause of
action and the state court holdings that at common law there is no cause of
action against a private employer for wrongful denial of employment that is due
solely to discrimination based on race, color, religion, sex, or national
origin.

Question (2):

Fred is a homosexual. He has worked for 3W for 20 years. Just last year, he
publicly pronounced his sexual preference of being gay. 3W promptly fires
him. The legislative history shows that in the U.S. Senate, a formal
amendment to the bill of Title VII was proposed to add “sexual
preference.” It was unanimously voted down after the sponsor of the bill
stated on the floor that sex covered and included sexual preference. 3W
moves to dismiss the complaint filed by Fred. Black’s Law dictionary
defines sex as meaning gender. A medical dictionary defines sex as gender
or sexual preference. At common law, sex was meant to only include
gender. You are the Judge. Discuss the relevancy of the above facts
to your resolution of the meaning of the statute and decide the motion based
upon a construction of all relevant provisions of Title VII

Monday, December 18, 2006

Foosball for Charity

1) My condolences to Mr. Farhenthold and friends; your loss came as a shock to us all.

2) My apologies to Prof. Contracts; today’s visitor fell asleep in class at no fault of your own.

3) Tomorrow is the charity foosball tournament at Crickets and I’m hoping everyone can show.

It’s come to my attention that the hosting team’s name needs work. Allow me to propose some suggestions for the two pictured below and feel free to add your own.


&



Fuzzy Foosballists
Oselates
Bates the Sherpa
Pass, Trap, Bang
IRACi Insurgents
Hugs Not Drugs
Fabio Fan Club
Ivory Tower Snipers

Sunday, December 17, 2006

It's a Matter of Safe Sex

Forgive the tardiness. This post was intended for Friday but I spent the weekend gallivanting around San Antonio and never found the time.

Prof. LAPP stated during Friday’s class: “This guy was killing the animals in an attempt to get around the statute.”

I must respectfully dissent.

Anyone who has attempted relations with a live deer knows two things. One, they are generally un-consenting towards human advances regardless of how suave or good looking that human may be and two, in the off chance one finds himself standing naked behind a deer, you can bet the ranch he’s only moments away from feeling the cold hoof of injustice.

For fear of sounding like an expert on the subject of necro-bestiality, I’ll stop there and let you take my word for it.

Friday, December 15, 2006

Immunity Party Winter '06

The Immunity party was a decadent affair. While many revelers came donning the finest in Christmas sweaters, some heavily bedizened in the most lavish gems and ribbons, (see picture 1) others like K-Fil and I took the more modest approach. (see picture 2)


(winners of best dressed)

(winners of nothing)
One group of ambitious non-conformists even went with a living nativity scene. (In case you are wondering, the big yellow thing is the North Star)

(winners of nothing)

Balls were bowled, drinks were drunk and most importantly, a lot of less fortunate kids are going to have an awesome Christmas thanks to all the donations.

After bowling the party was moved to Scruffy’s at which point songs were sung, dances were danced, and drinks continued to be drunk. All in all it was a very successful event and I can't thank the S.B.A. enough for their efforts.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Statutory Analysis of Interspecies Erotica

Allow me to pull some excerpts from tonight’s LAPP assignment:

“Bryan James Hathaway, 20, of Superior faces a misdemeanor charge of sexual gratification with an animal. He is accused of having sex with a dead deer he saw beside Stinson Avenue on Oct. 11.”

“If convicted, Hathaway could serve a prison term of up to two years because of a previous conviction. In April 2005, Hathaway pleaded no contest to one felony charge of mistreatment of an animal for the shooting death of Bambrick, a 26-year-old horse, to have sex with the animal.”

I've taken the liberty of finding Mr. Hathaway's picture and it appears to me that he shapes his eyebrows.

Maybe it’s just the picture’s shadowing, but I find it queer that one who engages in coital relations with a menagerie of road kill takes the time and effort associated with metrosexual grooming. I guess I was expecting a more rugged look.

You know, something like this.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Quote of the Day

Prof. Contracts: Anyone in here plays videogames?
Thomas: (Raising his hand)
Prof. Contracts: What do you do when you buy a videogame?
Thomas: Bring it home.
Prof Contracts: And why do you do that?
Thomas: I guess so I can beat it a whole lot.

Game Day Recap

Last night we lost. It was a well fought battle but our winless streak continues. The last play of the game involved a blown two point conversion that would have tied things up but the uncontroverted fact remains . . . God simply hates us.

When I tried lamenting to Mark, this was all I got:

Mark: “Well Swanburg . . .”
Me: “Yes Mark?”
Mark: “If ifs and buts were candy and nuts, we’d all have a Merry Christmas.”
Me: But Mark . . . they ripped the ass off my shorts.
Mark: Hold on. Before you keep talking, let me put on my ‘I give a shit’ face.

And with that we left the field a consistent (0 – 4).

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

We Don’t Need Help Losing

Being a former Math-alete, I know some things . . . one of which is addition. So when I read today’s e-mail citing Swanburg’s team at (0 – 3), I became slightly disconcerted.

We weren’t on the schedule for the first week; something about missing flags and fields. We only played ten minutes the second week; something about darkness. Finally, we got killed the third week; something about lack of talent. Factor in the detail we were losing substantially when the second week’s game was called and my numbers put us at a respectable (0 – 1.5).

Alternatively, even if we assume the full loss for the second game, I refuse to believe we would have lost the first. Our team may not be the best, but I’m 97% confident we could beat an imaginary team, no matter how good you believed that imaginary team to be.

I’ll concede to (0 – 1.5), (1 – 2), or (0 – 2) but I will certainly not stand for the malarkey that is (0 - 3).

That is all.

Plans for Wednesday


The Liquidated Damage Tour is off this week; in its place we have the Tacky Christmas themed Immunity Day party. Even if you don’t want or need immunity, make a donation to Toys-for-Tots. Once you’ve done that, go to Goodwill, get yourself a costume and come partake in S.B.A. sponsored, holiday libations.

For all you selfishly motivated, Ayn Rand loving Objectivists out there, best dressed guy and girl win $50 a piece.

Monday, December 11, 2006

An Epic Battle Afoot

Facebook tells me that some of the upper quarters spent the weekend practicing up on their beer pong. If these practice sessions are a precursor to an upcoming challenge, on behalf of my quarter, I preemptively accept.

Bring the Bush League and may A. Web have mercy on your soul.

**Picture taken from the University of Michigan Medical School Website. Apparently the medical school has frat housing and this is what they do.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Truth Be Told, I Can Barely Read

While I was off seizing the day, Osler was making a foray on my impeccable character, wildly accusing me of being an “English major.” For fear my comment will go unnoticed underneath his countless other posts, I place it here for all to see.

I’m far from an “English major.” In fact, my first language was one seemingly understood only by myself. I’d always tell the funniest jokes and nobody would laugh, so at the age of about one or two I took it upon myself to conform to the world around me.

The product of Hispanic help and countless hours of Telemundo, my parents found my speech unintelligible till about the age of 6. As far as they’re concerned, my first word was, “GOALLLLLLLLLL” accompanied by a celebratory hat dance. My father eventually tired of being called Papi and referred me to hooked-on-phonics.

Minus the occasional detour into Ebonics, I’ve been loyal user of English for many years now. Being a user of English however doesn’t necessarily make me an “English major.”

I hate English classes. In third grade I got in trouble for writing a poem similar to my award winning piece on teen angst. Apparently, some people didn’t think I was funny so they arrested my mother. I’ve avoided English classes ever since.

In short, although me may not not write pretty on occasion, I’m certainly no “English major.”

P.S.

Vote C4CS07 and yea . . . he pee’d on her.

Friday, December 08, 2006

Leaping Out of the Blogging Closet

In case you haven’t heard, Chris Fahrenthold is boldly campaigning where no man has campaigned before; namely for the position of February 2007 BLS Commencement Speaker.

SoTheBearSays has been converted into his campaign headquarters, and I encourage you to read his self actualized third person insights. Once you’ve done that, I’m confident you’ll vote for him when the time becomes ripe.

Now, I know what you’re all thinking. Aren’t commencement speakers supposed to have life experience from which to impart invaluable knowledge upon the graduates?

The answer is absolutely and . . . umm . . . yea . . . he doesn’t have that.

But he went to USC for undergrad and therefore knows about tough losses and what it’s like to smell victory yet taste defeat.

One day, when your kids ask who spoke at your graduation, you can tell them with pride how you had the preeminent, pioneer, Baylor Law School blogger of the 21st century; a man who knew no bounds and bravely charted a previously unbeaten path for the generations to come.

If they seem unimpressed tell them to fuck off and call it a night.

In summation: VOTE FAHRENTHOLD

Other Fahrenthold Supporters:

Osler
Baker
His Mom

P.S.

Fear not, this seemingly unhealthy precedent. I know my role in this world and would never contemplate attempting such a speech. My mother would kill me.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Bar Review #4

Like an STD, the Crying Shame was a fun night I’ll remember for a lifetime.

Located just off the 6, it easily claims title to one of Waco’s finest watering holes. The place has two bars, two pool tables, one shuffleboard, a couple video games, three gambling machines, a dance floor, and a few flat screens.

The drinks were cold and relatively inexpensive, the shuffle board was gratis and the music was an eclectic mix of country and hip hop. All and all things were going swimmingly till my first trip to the bathroom.


I walked in to see a 6’3” vision in plaid taking relief in a long pissing trough. As I walked over to share in the experience, he engaged me in a brief conversation that went something like this:

Cowboy: You’re going to piss in the toilet.
Me: Fair enough

With that I took two steps back, made a right, and went in the stall to proceed as directed.

The clientele generally ranged in age from 30 – 50 and shared a distinctively western sense of fashion. If you want to meet new friends start playing pool and people will come to you. Like my man Dave pictured above.** He isn’t much for trusting, or smiling but he’s only been to jail once so he’s got that going for him.

For more pictures see Carver’s blog.

For another review: see Latham

**Dave was a little camera shy so Carver managed to take the picture without a flash. This image was taken moments after Dave accused Wharton (also pictured) of being a cop.

In summary, I'd go back with a group. Riding solo might not go over so well.


Basic Ratings (1 – 10) or (Very Low – Very High):
General Ambiance: 8
Things to do Besides Drink: 9
Prices: 7
Bathrooms: 6
Friendliness: 5
Drink Selection: 9
Fear Factor: Medium
Amount of Fun: High

Labels:

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Still Riding the Short Bus

You know the episode of Life Goes On where Corky spends a lot of time chasing butterflies and waiving at people? Yea . . . that was us. Granted, flag football was no worse than basketball or softball but I naively expected more.

If you see Mark limping tomorrow, it’s because he ran eight yards for a first down. Anytime he runs more then five it's asking for trouble. Like last summer when he hit a triple during softball . . . poor kid damn near died.

Anyway, I think the final score was 36 – 12, but really, it wasn’t that close.

In other news, tomorrow is a big one for the Liquidated Damage Tour. We’re taking the fourth round over to the Waco famous Crying Shame. Located at 7020 Sanger Ave. the establishment is bound to be really, really nice. Although I’ve never been, I ran the idea by a local, and all he could say was, “Wow.”

I’ll warn you now; if you pick up a girl at the Crying Shame you might think about double bagging. Just a thought . . . just a thought.

Putting Out a Hit


B.C. has a very difficult existence. Besides his loss in the tournament, one Becky Hild in his Contracts class does this thing where she volunteers to do a case and then requests his co-counsel. B.C. then must stand and do most of the case himself.

Consequently, some have resorted to calling him, “Hild’s Bitch.”
The main culprit is one T. “Slappy” J. (Name removed to keep him from being googled)

Today was Britt’s birthday. As a gift, Prof. Bates gave him the chance to call on whoever he wanted. Britt called on Slappy and Slappy said “pass.” Not because he hadn’t read and not because he didn’t want to speak, Slappy simply passed to spite Mr. Clark on his birthday.

Not really knowing what to do next, Britt did the case himself and his birthday was ruined.

Feel free to ask Mr. T. “Slappy” J. as many questions as possible. BLS can’t encourage that type of behavior.

Monday, December 04, 2006

Holiday Libations and Charity

I met Osler for the first time today and I must say . . . he looks taller in real life. But I digress. He asked if I’d help with his upcoming charity event and I agreed.

As much as I’d love to play foosball against Bates and Osler, I’m admittedly destined to lose. So I was thinking maybe we could tack on a couple other charitable events, involve a few other professors and turn it into something we can all love and enjoy.

For example, I’d thoroughly enjoy playing Prof. CivPro in shuffleboard, Prof. LARC in darts, Prof. LAPP in pool or Prof. LARC II in beer pong. I’m not saying it’s going to happen, I’m just saying I’d pay good money if it did.

The tentative plan is for Tuesday December 19th at Crickets. Since this is a charitable event, I was thinking the good folks at Phi Alpha Delta or any other group may be interested in sponsoring. The sponsor would be responsible for renting one pool table, one shuffle board, one dart board and one foosball table for three hours. I’m thinking that will run you about $50 - $75.

Think about it, leave suggestions, and show up when it eventually happens.

Sunday, December 03, 2006

BC’s Birthday Beer Pong Bonanza

There’s some good news and there’s some bad news. The bad news, I didn’t win. In fact I didn’t even make it past the second round. The good news, Brit got his ass kicked in the final by Team Living in Sin and pictures of the event are all over the internet. Below are just a few of my favorites.



- Here's team Sweater Vest not taking the game seriously at all. Good thing too or that loss in the final would have done a number on their collective sense of self worth.











(Chicago picture / commentary removed by request)




















- Team Alligator Fuckhouse was the only team to bring a mascot. They were also the only team to later bring a stray dog into the party. Real animal lovers those two.















- Daytime Friends Night Time Lovers. This shot was taken just a few short moments after Thomas yelled out, "straight backpacking through this bitch." I still don't know what it means but I think it has something to do with losing.















The Manzenbaum. This picture needs a caption, I just don't know what it would be. I can’t tell if The Manzaneras is eye banging his opponent or subtly asking if he’s going to have to choke a bitch. Either way its one of my favorite pictures ever.
(Winners of Best Dressed)

-$20 says Mark missed that shot but that's neither here nor there. Notice the camo hat, the pearl snap shirt, the belt, the cowboy cut Wranglers, the matching boots (not pictured). Give me a gun, a truck and a can of dip and I am Mark Reitmeier.

- Finally, the champions. Team Living in Sin made two in a row to simultaneously end the tournament and Brit's dreams of being anything but a loser.
I'm guessing the uniform wasn't Josh's choice.


Friday, December 01, 2006

Celebrate Like a Masochist



Updated (click to enlarge)

When Brit told me he wanted a birthday party, I recommended Chucky Cheese . . . turns out he’s Muriphobic. So after what I’m assuming were hours of thoughtful contemplation he instead decided on a beer pong tournament to be held at my house this Saturday evening.

From what I gather, it will be a 16 team, single elimination event with awards for best dressed and best shit talking. The games start at 10:30 and will be played on two tables. Even if you aren’t on a team, feel free to come over and hang out.

And in case you were wondering, Prof. Contracts respectfully declined Big Momma Watkins offer to come play, therefore eliminating the incredibly promising team Batesifer.

*Ed. Note - Baker, you will notice I teamed you up with Bell. There was a scheduling conflict and Brit booked a few teams before I got you your own. Feel free to change the name.

**If any player is a no show, they can be replaced by a player of equal or lesser value. The player’s value is to be determined by the same three people who ranked the teams initially.


***To save space, my team name was shortened down from Gangster Cowboys Living Violently to simply, Gangster Cowboys


****The post’s title comes from the fact Brit is going to be spending his birthday party getting his ass whooped.